Because the antithesis of love is not hate, it is indifference, and whereas my brother was love, I was just that – his opposite and his complement, the cold to his heat, the darkness to his light, the thought to his memory, the reason to his emotion. I would even say I was the male to his female, if one assigned stereotypical characteristics to the genders, had I believed such stereotypes were less than untrue. That was the way we were made, the way we were engendered in our mother’s wombs, differentiated and separated – halves of one being, little else.

Or, at least, that was the image I made of myself.

Did I doubt her? No, not at all, for she had a son by me when she could have had her pick of gods and angels, demons and commons. She chose me for no reason, and that was what I could not comprehend. Why me when there were so many others, so many better, more willing to love and honor her the way she deserved.

Yet here she was.

She wasn’t going away, was she?

(It hurt, to think of her gone. Far more than it should.)

“I care,” I told her quietly, and resisted the urge to bury my nose in her wings – she was so exquisite, my Alysanne, I was not entirely sure she even understood it. She probably didn’t – it was one of the things I cherished about her, after all. “More than I have cared for anyone, bar my brother, and no one compares to him,” and she knew that. It was the truth.

And this was the crux of this damn mess. What I understood as care and – to an extent – love was so encompassing and overwhelming, I could not help but feel sorry – I would never be able to dredge such depths of caring for her. She deserved that, and I would never be able to give her that.

I cared for her, deeply, but it would never, ever, come close to what Kostya meant to me.

The idea of running from her, however, was absurd – were it possible, or even likely, I would have taken her with us – I hadn’t – why hadn’t I? Did it matter? I was glad she was here, of course I was, but –

“I never thought of it,” I brushed her wings, little kisses across the arch of bones and feathers. “I am not such a coward to run from a girl, after all,” and yes, I was being facetious, but seeing her sad hurt me, and knowing it was because of me, well. It just proved my point I was no good for her. “I left because that is what we do. We leave. We wander. I would have taken you with us, but…” it never even occurred to me, I was so ready to drop everything and move on a whim. “Why would you come? Uproot you from your life, your family… our family, I guess… and for what? A moody bastard of a mate?”

I was not my brother. I did not flit around, I did not flirt and love easily and gladly, which was why she was such a curious thing – she was not at all like Althea, or Nascha and Naira, or Tsuyo, or any other myriad of mares and stallions I met throughout my life.

She remained. That meant something, right?

“I won’t ask,” and in the end that was the truth. I wouldn’t ask. “I wouldn’t, Alysanne…”

Mercy on us both.