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It didn't matter how prepared d'Artagnan had been for Kou's reaction it still stung when he watched her face turn to shock. How was he going to explain this without sounding like a complete selfish bastard? Which he was and he knew he was. His Nurse was cunning and beautiful, she deserved much better than a monster who was incapable of making a decent decision by himself. The shade was well aware of his inadequacy which is perhaps what made his face twist and his gaze downcast, for d'Artagnan did love his snowy assistant. When she spoke her words echoed the look upon her face and he swallowed hard, not matter what he said next he doubted he could mend what he'd inflicted now. It was almost wickedly funny, d'Artagnan the Nightshade, Time Mender. Yet, he couldn't even fix the tears in his own life. "Because..." She's going to kill me "It's changed, the herds different from what it once was. We made allies with hornless?! And still lost!" The shade sighed, he was not completely blameless for the loss, the reasons for their alliance was to help them capture the Edge, but in hindsight d'Artagnan would much rather of stayed in the Basin than lose alongside heathens.
"Find Mauja, see what he's up to. Find a different path, live freely without orders." He paused for a moment, remembering the major reason he'd left the herd with a grimace. "I also left because I thought you were still captured, that even though it would probably make it worse, I'd have to go to the Edge as a last resort. I'd rather not drag the herd down in that, there was a possibility I'd probably be killed in the attempt, I didn't want them feeling obliged to avenge me or anything." To storm the land that was once his own herd land by himself? Considering his reputation, the shade doubted he'd make it out alive, but in his arrogance and ignorance, he was sure he'd make it a fair way in before hell embraced him.
Her ending question really did sting like a slap and angered him a little, why on earth did she think that? After everything they'd been through together did she really think he didn't love her?! For a while he remained silent, struggling with his temper as he boiled, lids falling over his mismatched eyes. He focussed on his breathing, controlling himself and his inner demons before speaking once again. "My heart will always belong to you, I'm sorry it's a little battered and on the outside it seems as cold as ice. But it's all I've got to give." His gaze searched for her eyes, begged her to listen to the truth in his voice as for the first time d'Artagnan managed to string the words together to convey his true feelings.
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[P] Medic! Medic! Save my crumbling bones.
