"Where brilliance is good and madness is better..."
Helovia Info
Helovia opened in February 2012! We are an active fantasy equine RPG
Where once the world narrowed into naught but gray dust and desolation, the gods called for life. Wielding the elements of fire and light, dark and wind, earth and water, spark and time, they have created Helovia. The realm is set within the mythical globe of Loorien, a planet rich with all variety of creatures and blessed with all manner of magic. Originally populated by nomadic, tribal characters, they've since grown into massive empires saturated with culture and history. Separated into four distinct segments of Helovia, called "The Regions," each band of horse strong enough and capable enough, took up the power and responsibility of leadership. Unicorns, old, wise and mysterious, took to the north, hidden in forests of mists and shadows and rarely making themselves known beyond their cliffs of the World's Edge. Equines, vast, organized and militaristic, split into two, one group went north to the Windtossed Foothills and the other group went south to the Dragon's Throat. Pegasus remained nomadic, making their homes in various parts of The Wilds in a migratory manner. For many generations, the land was peaceful and calm, but peace was never the way of the gods. With a clash of argument, war and bloodshed massacred Helovia, and in the aftermath, the realm was eerily quiet. Now, as newcomers sweep into this land, they are met with the lingering bitterness of the gods and the struggle to reclaim what was lost. Nothing remains safe or certain while sorcerers and soldiers alike brood and bide their time for revenge, honor and glory.
Site Wide Plots
Kaos :: The Beginning of the End ☼ - 6/2017 - Kaos placed Helovia in a time-bubble for a short period of time, but the Helovian gods are fighting back. But Kaos is powerful- far more powerful than anyone thought. This may be the beginning of the end of Helovia as we know it.
Kisamoa :: A New Kind of Kaos ☼ - 3/2017 - Kisamoa asks Helovians to help him restore the Spectral Marsh. Which side will you choose?
Invasions :: All Out War ☼ - 5/2/16 - New layout and the brand new invasion rules are up! Thank you for your patience and we look forward to getting started with this new adventure.
The Rift :: Gods Do Die ☼ - 8/2015 - Helovia Gods are saving the Rift from corrupt gods! Can Helovians band together against these foreign deities?
The Literal Ship ☼ - 2/8/15 - Oh no! You have to pair up for Valentine's day!
Sky Island :: Murder ☼ - 10/25/14 - Vesta has been found dead on the island, and the gods have called to you to solve the murder!
Sky Island :: Peace ☼ - 7/7/14 - An island has appeared in the sky! Clouds carry Helovians from the Veins to the sky.
Restoration :: We Welcome the Dawn ☼ - 9/21/13 - The sun has finally risen on this day, giving the land new light, but the Time God and the Sun God have yet to be seen.
Endless Night :: Broken Magic Plot ☼ - 8/30/13 - The earth god has returned and is walking across Helovia to heal the land. Every area can now be considered lush and prosperous, but the sun has still not risen.
☼ - 7/19/13 - The moon has risen in the sky, heralding the return of the Goddess of the moon. Lamp trees which light the paths have grown brighter, moon flowers which grow in dark places have begun to grow and prosper and the world is brighter, filled with a new hope.
Endless Night :: Dead Magic Plot ☼ - 6/22/13 - The gods of Helovia, in order to protect the world, have disappeared into the rift, leaving the world sunless, moonless and magic-less in their absence. Only the herdlands have a source of light, but lamp-trees with glowing leaves and branches sporadically line the popular roads and paths from place to place.
Doppleganger Plot ☼ - 6/20/13 - The God of Time is still struggling to close the rift though which the dopplegangers have come. He has requested that his brothers and sister assist in closing this hole, but without knowing why it opened, the task is proving difficult. Magic still remains faulty and hard to control, but the herdlands continue to be places of refuge for those who are fortunate enough to call these lands home.
ORANGEMOON cools off the lands with a a viscious force. Colder than normal, a sign of things to come during Frostfall, Helovia is bathed in a rich tropical lushness - albiet a cold one. The coastlines of the Dragon's Throat are pelted constantly by tidal waves, and the desert climate is humid but chilly. Ice begins to form early in the Aurora Basin leaving the winding trails slick and dangerous. The mists of the World's Edge coat everything in a glistening crystalline shine which encourages mould to grow everywhere. The Spectral Marsh is the only area which remains fertile, blissfully temperature and lush.
Cotm
Character of the Month for
June, 2017
WEAVER, Corporal of the Aurora Basin, is a relatively recent addition to Helovia and has taken it by storm. Branded with the seal of Death on her chest, intrigue and interest follow both her past and present. Though she is assuredly beautiful, her sometimes sharp personality reveals that there is more to this uni-peg hybrid than meets the eye. Proving herself able on the battlefield in the Basin’s warrior ranks, we can’t wait to see her test her mettle against the looming Kaos happenings! Congratulations!
Helovia RPG was created by Tamme and Blu and coded by Tamme also known as Schwartze. All coding, palettes and imagery are copyrighted to the website and are not for use outside of Helovia. Thank you to our ServerMaster for hosting Helovia. A special thanks goes to Neo for all of her coding help and fixing Tamme's errors, Boom, for her loyal service and creation of the Time God, and to Ali for her consistent contributions and dedication.
At first it had seemed innocent enough. A meeting between two strangers, two lonely souls who for a moment allowed themselves to ignore conventions, allegiances, names, petty things like history and the fact that they didn't know anything about the other aside from the name. Two horses, young and hot-headed - the embrace that followed had been hot too, and as she thought back at it the raven girl still felt that lustful shudder run through the loins like electricity. She had not been a child in many years, but between the death of her mother and this recent... discovery, so to speak, there was nothing left of the girl either.
The problem was, of course, that all actions came with consequences, some more dire than others. This was a very serious aftermath of a moments foolishness, one she should have been able to predict, one that should have kept the tail tucked and her head cold.
But the stallion had been beautiful, young and proud and so graceful that she ached in longing to see him again, if only just to lay eyes on the picture-perfect face once more. He himself hadn't left too great of an impression, his words and expressions had annoyed the sleuth with its idealistic naivety. Terribly young, so much that an afterthought left her with a bad taste in the mouth - had he been too young, so much that he was still a colt?
No, there was no doubt that Carnesîr was very much a stallion, mature enough - he had proven that quite thoroughly. And now her sides were beginning to swell with that proof, and Skuggi would be as likely to kick his pretty as to hug him the next time she saw him. Whenever that would happen. If it would happen. In hindsight she felt stupid for not asking more about him, at least where he could be found. A name was all she had to go on, when, no if she decided to go looking for him. Part of her felt the need to let him know of the sin they had committed, another wanted nothing more than to.. to... do something brash and dangerous and hope that the small, fragile seed that grew within her didn't survive.
It was a frightened, angry, unraveled mess of a pegasus that paced along the shoreline of her home, not too far from the eastern border. She had come looking for something to take out the crawling, prickling loathsome feelings on, like a storm or crashing waves breaking against sharp rocks... But the day was bright and calm and the only waves she'd found were little tongues of glittering laughter that lapped at the red sand, too vivid and much too peaceful.
A sudden deep breath sucked air into the lungs, so sharp and desperate it sounded like a sob. "Screw you too!" she screamed out at the uncaring ocean, wishing, hoping against better judgment that something could appear that would shout back.
Caught a bird and let it go, had a rope and don't you know
When I pulled it down, it settled on the ground
Caught a bird and in a trap, had a lot to give back
When the sun came by you opened up your eyes
With Onni's permission and her as escort, they traveled from the Veins to the southern tip of Helovia, all dry red sands and shifting golden grains of dust that stung at his eyes and hissed over his soft silken hide. Almost at first sight of the sand dunes, Carnesîr longed to turn around and flee, his hooves itching irritably with the damnably urge that screamed through his coursing blood. They were barren of trees. Not a single dark pine rose from the shifting dust, and the stench of salt was so thick in the air the boy thought it might just choke him. Once or twice before he had ventured to deserts, but they were never so horrifically bare. Even just breathing made him choke and cough, lungs hacking and heaving as his body writhed, trying to expel the motes of dust.
The Basin might be cold, but at least the frigid air was not trying to poison him.
Soon Onni left him, no doubt to return to her duties as a sun physician. Carnesîr didn't mind her absence. He felt less a captive now, more an emissary or visitor. With little to do but explore, the stallion wandered back and forth, stopping under the shade of the dragon tree to shelter from the blistering Tallsun heat, only venturing out to drink at the lukewarm waters of the lake. The ocean murmured ever constantly in the background, an almost mournful sound that put him on edge, teeth clenching together and ears flattening in futile attempt to rid himself of the rhythmic noise to no avail.
Eventually, he decided to run to the ocean. Maybe if he shouted and screamed at it, it might fall quiet enough for him to get a bit of rest before heading north again. Everything he had seen here was normal- there were grumps and grouches, young ladies and smiling fillies, warriors and soldiers, sultans watching over it all. It was the Basin, but with colors red and gold, and wings instead of horns. To be truthful, it was hard to imagine that this Throat had instigated any trouble with the northerners... Carnesîr could not help but wonder with a despairing prick of curiosity if it had been the other way around.
With a flourishing leap, the elvish boy picking up his hooves and whirled down towards the ocean, kicking up a trail of red dust behind him.
Just over the rise of dunes, the scent of the ocean hit him in full force; the stench of rotting seaweed and piss, salt and decaying animals washed up on the shore, soaked wood. Beneath his cleft hooves sand fleas swarmed, bouncing and deflecting off his ankles. The air he swallowed hit his ragged lungs, almost burning as he breathed, and with a snort of despair, the boy made his way closer to the glinting blue ocean, until the wind-whipped waves swirled around his ankles, delightfully cold on such a blistering hot day.
Even focused as he was on the insistent tug of the ocean around his feet, he couldn't help but notice a grim shadow farther along the sands...
Shadow. She had been beautiful and dark and stormy, all rugged versatility where he was a nimble, long-legged elf fit only to walk through the tall forests and dance beneath the moon.
And then there was a voice screaming over the water, and Carnesîr recoiled in shock.
Shadow!
And he ran, graceful as a falling leaf, with a skip in his step and a sparkle in his eyes, a grin sparkling on his youthful face as he made his way towards his woman all dark and strong, and as he ran he noticed the swell of her flanks.
"Shadow!" Carnesîr called as he neared, tail kinking in excitement. He skids to a halt, sand spraying up beneath his hooves, and he laughs joyfully, as if he has not a care or worry in the entire world. "How are you?! I've been looking for you! I never knew you lived here of all places... how can you stand the heat?!" Once again his ability to speak her language has improved, and he sweeps in closer to her, reaching out in attempts to tug at her forelock jovially.
The card games and ease with the bitter salt of blood
I was in but I want out
My mother's love is choking me
No voice bounded back, not even her own. The echo was swallowed up by the vastness of the horizon, making the mare feel strangely lonely. She, who had always been surrounded by others, who had never spent more than a few rare days on her own, then by choice rather than necessity; how was it that as she had created an existence more intimately connected with herself than any friend or lover could possibly become, she found herself aching in solitary desperation?
Enraged by the cold lack of interest from the gentle waves the raven reared and slammed her hooves into it, pummeling and punishing the glittering water in childish insanity, playing a game of Xerxes and the Sea that was only half make-believe. If she could, she would have made it so that the parasite in her belly were the target of her wrath instead, so that she could pulverize it into non-existence and thus free herself from the solidified tears that lumped and choked deep down the throat.
A sudden cry of recognition had the angry mare twirl around on the spot, eyes widening in disbelief as they landed upon a slender figure that came dancing along the beach; only to narrow as they recognized the lightness of the steps, the glittering eyes and the wide, foolish grin that sent sickening bile rise to fret on the tongue and turned the knees into trembling leaves of kelp, weak and useless. He skidded to a halt before her and reached out a nose to nibble her forelock, but Shadow didn't allow it. Rather than a loving smile and tender embrace the stallion was met with the sudden rush of sand in the wind and a pair of hard, black hooves as the pegasus spun around and kicked out with the rear legs towards him.
"YOU!" she hissed furiously and touched down into the hot sand, sweaty skin glistening and gleaming beneath the relentless light of the sun. Again she turned, a full circle completed by the time she faced him once more, the anger in her eyes a searing fire, matched only by the wrath of each movement. The small shadow seemed to swell as she reared up before him, forelegs kicking the air as if wanting to connect with his chest and ribs, feathered wings unfurling with a thunderous sound and flapping a storm of wind and sand up around her.
"How DARE you show your face to me! Do you have any idea what you've done? LOOK AT ME! I'm PREGNANT, Carnesîr, and it's YOUR FAULT!"
Nostrils flared and displayed a bloody crimson of the nares tender flesh, ears slicked back as she took out all her angst and helplessness on the young unicorn, conveniently choosing to forget that she had been just as willing to do the deed as he. It didn't matter, she wanted to blame him, wanted to make him sand and confused and wipe that beaming, wide smirk off his face. Shadow would feel good doing it, she knew she would, and didn't pull any punches in letting him know exactly how she felt about being in this deplorable state.
"I told you I didn't want foals" she continued to rage, "I said I wasn't ready for it. When I agreed to let you use me as target practice I believed you would be intelligent enough to make sure to prevent something like this from happening!"
Perhaps it was just the result bright sunlight and swirling sand that made it look like tears beaded on the rim of the eyelids. It was probably just a trick of the wind that twisted her voice and made it sound choked, desperate, fearful... Because surely a nightmare in the shape of an angry pegasus wouldn't allow such weakness to show through, not when she was in the process of telling off a brat whom she in a moment of thoughtlessness had allowed to come too close.
Caught a bird and let it go, had a rope and don't you know
When I pulled it down, it settled on the ground
Caught a bird and in a trap, had a lot to give back
When the sun came by you opened up your eyes
[Not sure where this occurs, timeline wise? Before herd meeting, or after?]
Lets be clear. Now might not be the best time to reinforce Gaucho's primitive, brutish stereotype. But there is something about an enraged female, that simply demands Gaucho's attention. Further, when those cries resonate from a member of his own herd, well, come on. Can you really expect Gaucho to stay airborne?
His patrols had sent him circling near where the Throat fell away to the ocean, yet this place held no peace for the warrior. His gaze constantly searched the waves for the dark unicorn and maww-jah, always concerned that they would one day return. Gaucho had trained tirelessly since the day that He and My-das failed to capture the spotted stallion, yet he had never encountered magic as powerful as he did that day. On this day however, it was not the ocean that disturbed him, but shouts from below. Banking, his large body moving easily in the sky where gravity was not so cumbersome, he spied one of the few dark mares of the Throat. But what concerned him more, was her company. A yeewwneekorn. It was not so long ago that the racist Basin had tried to invade, and since then both Kri and Midas had made it clear that they were not to be tolerated within our borders. The only problem was, as Ophelia had taught him, not all yewwneekorns were a problem.
Spiraling down towards the sands below, Gaucho did not make any effort to slow his descent until it was nearly too late. At that instant, his great black wings spread from his sides, roughly disrupting the sands - though strategically you will note, any gusts from his wings that might send the grains flying, was done away from Shadow: towards the intruder. Ears against his antlered skull, Gaucho tried to position himself between Shadow and her would-be assailant. He might think that term especially apt, had he heard the contents of what Shadow had said.
Towering over them both, Gaucho was momentarily torn between escorting the unicorn out, or insuring that Shadow was alright. Which should take priority? In his antlers, Mara's dark gaze fixated upon Carnesir, hissing as she lowered herself down Gaucho's neck, so that she could continue to watch the stallion, as Gaucho's attention turned to Shadow. His stormy gaze fell upon her, certain that Mara would alert him (or deal with the stallion herself) should Carnesir prove to be a threat.
"Shadow oh-kay?" He inquired, voice deep with a slight snarl.
He was ecstatic. With every moment his step lightened and his tail twitched and writhed with his boundless joy, and he is rosy-cheeked with his enthusiasm, over-joyed by the presence of the night angel and her violet eyes, so deliriously happy and drunk on her. No, not just her, but the scent of her, the way the sun glitters on the ebony of her crow wings, the shine of her eyes brighter than the stars, her laugh and her stories and the soft curves of her swelling flanks, gifted with a child from his own seed.
How difficult it is to describe this puppy-like enthusiasm, the way his eyes widen with shock as he caught sight of her, the way his ears pricked forward and the curl of his lips as he grinned from cheek-to-cheek.
And his teeth snap down on empty air as hooves rise up to meet him. For a moment everything is etched in the hot red light of the blistering sun, and he can see every hair on her pelt, sharper than blades of grass, but mostly he sees those hooves coming at his face.
His horn!
Carnesîr jerked his head back, so swiftly that the vertebrae of his neck pop and clack, twisting his cranium so she will not catch her delicate frogs on his pearl spear. Instead, her dark gray hoof hits in the cheek, just below the glint of his brown eye, hard and brutal and careless.
And of all the things he could think- that venomous bitch, I gave her my virginity or what the fuck was that for or even I’m sorry, what did I do wrong; he prays she did not cut herself up on the unforgiving sharpness of the sword spearing from his forehead into the sky, for despite all the efforts he has made who knows what may have happened?
“Shadow!” He cries in his clarion tones, slipping back into a stream of elvish that flows from his lips effortlessly, before he clamps his jaw together and swallows, brow knitting in concern, eyes wide and soft and gentle. Something must be wrong. Maybe he was supposed to be here sooner, with her… Or maybe she didn’t want him back at all. No, he can’t believe that. Shadow is a friend of his, one with his foal in her belly, and surely…
That couldn’t be the cause of it?
And then she’s yelling at him, her voice knives that slice and stab at his ears, full of heated hate and gnawing frustration, blaming him, him, him, always him, why is it always his fault? Suddenly his throat is stinging and he’s backing away, there’s sand flying at his face and scratching his eyes, making his vision all blurry, how it hurts coming from her, he never would have expected this, not from Shadow, not from Shadow, not from Shadow. But they were strangers. Why would he expect any better from her? Why would he care? She was a stranger, and they were just two names to each other.
Couldn’t she understand he wanted more than that though? He didn’t just want them to be passing glares or cordial smiles, Carnesîr wanted something… something… what?
“Stop it,” he says, but his voice is a whimper and hers is so much louder, a cry for help buried beneath her anger.
“Stop it,” he repeats, louder, his ears flattening and his eyes are still blurry and something wet and warm is overflowing his eyes and dripping onto his cheeks. How hideously his head aches from her kicks. There is a dusty hoofprint on his left cheek.
He wants to yell at her, demand and shout back lustily, but he can’t. There are no words and no stories which pop into his head, no words in this cumbersome language to say.
“DARO! Am man theled, Shadow? Av-'osto… goheno nin.” And so he says what he can in his own language, all lilting words and rich tones, bitter and resentful as much as longing. Carnesîr whips his tailtip over the ground, his soft plume carving lines into the sand, the ocean breaking up the silences between them.
“Goheno nin.” He repeats, his voice soft as the feathers on Shadow’s wings.
Wingbeats sound overhead, no doubt drawn by the sound of their shouting. His thin mane whips and snaps in the wind, and he shrinks back, pupils expanding as the stallion blocks out the sun. Sand whips and claws at his face again, but Carnesîr says nothing in greeting, until the primitive stallion speaks.
A monster above us, and a monster between us.
“I don’t know, but I sorry for upsetting her.” He says clumsily, head bowing in defeat. “I am Carnesîr, friend of Onni.”
The card games and ease with the bitter salt of blood
I was in but I want out
My mother's love is choking me
Ebony keratin connected with gray-coated flesh with a sharp smack that sent a jolt through the girl, of satisfaction and shock and a pang of guilt that she quickly smothered beneath her own anger. He said something, spoke words in a language that sounded like murmuring waters, birdsong and dew in the grass - but she didn't understand what he was trying to say, and felt no desire to try and decipher the foreign tongue.
The smile was gone from his lips now. She wondered why it made her chest ache, why it didn't soothe the furious pounding of the heart and instead only caused her to sink back on the ground, legs and belly coated with a thin veneer of sweat and dust that dyed her red - crimson as the desert sands, as the red sun that beat down upon them, as the tender heart that bled as she took out her panic and confusion on the gentle boy.
Chest heaving from the strain of such swift movements in the heat of the day Shadow opened her mouth to shout back at him, tell him to be quiet and leave her alone. But even as the words formed on the tongue a big someone flew across the sun and threw his shadow over her for a moment, before the air came alive beneath pounding wings. The mare clamped the mouth shut with a sharp snap of teeth around empty nothingness and gave Gaucho a part angry, part grateful look as he landed, the large bulk smelling of sweat and stallion as he slipped in between the soon-to-be parents; big, strong, protective, everything she should have been looking for in a man.
"How can I possibly be fine?" she bit back, unable to accept the concern of the two or even the fact that she was being incredibly unfair towards Carn. "My entire life is being turned upside down. You can't possibly know what it's like, knowing that something is growing inside of you that you can't get rid of."
"I hope you're happy. I really hope that you meant what you said about dealing with this, because I am NOT doing it. I don't even like kids!"
White rims gleamed around the deep purple irises as she fixed her eyes on the unicorn, stiff legs moving with sudden sluggishness as she stepped around the sultan - his attempt to aid her was appreciated, but it was hardly she who was in need of protection right now. If it hadn't been for the towering warrior next to her and the fact that she didn't want the brute to know the exact relationship between her and the slender grullo, she would likely have continued to try and beat the poor youngster, as if breaking him would somehow fix everything.
The worst part of it all was that now when he actually stood there in front of her, the raven felt an urge to move over and stand next to him, press her side against his and hide her face beneath his mane. A part of her believed that everything might feel better then, that the kind brown eyes would be able to take away a part of the weight that threatened to crush her to the ground... Oh, how she loathed that voice of weakness!
It didn't help his case one bit that he suddenly dragged up the name of another mare in the midst of it all. The lips of the blackbird tightened as she glared at him, eyes dangerously narrowed; "How do you know Onni?" she asked, surprise and suspicion clawing the gut like viciously barbed tentacles.
It wasn't that she was jealous. Not really. (Actually, she was, but Shadow refused to admit that.) But all things considered, she decidedly didn't want the stallion who had promised to take responsibility for this mess of an aftermath to play around with other mares, and especially not with her own herd-sister.
Honestly, the mare wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. Nothing felt good, and she had to swallow hard to keep the tears of anger and humiliation to remain where they were.
Caught a bird and let it go, had a rope and don't you know
When I pulled it down, it settled on the ground
Caught a bird and in a trap, had a lot to give back
When the sun came by you opened up your eyes
Gaucho's dark ears flicked as Shadow sort-of acknowledged his presence, but then proceeded to continue to shout at the smaller stallion, who, in all respects, looked pathetically beaten down by her previous words. Where Gaucho aware of any sort of bro-code, or anything of the like, he might have shot Carn a I know that feel, bro sort of look. While Sohalia hadn't quite reacted with the same fire that Shadow currently was, he could understand the unease and discomfort of having a pregnant mare shouting about things that in all fairness, couldn't entirely be one party's fault. It took two to make a foal, didn't it? And if Shadow's current state was any indication of her ability to demonstrate her feelings, he was almost sure that the state of affairs leading up to this moment, couldn't have been entirely without her consent.
But what did he know.
As Onni's name was mentioned, Gaucho took on a much more interested appearance. In all honesty, Gaucho didn't know that the shaman had friends...Oddly enough, he too perhaps felt the same pang of jealousy that Shadow was experiencing. He looked at the scrawnier stallion almost objectively - as if trying to figure out what about him, was deserving of the gift of Onni's friendship. His teeth gnashed together, as he found almost nothing about the stallion in any way appealing - he was light of bone and build, horned, and small. Of course a creature like Gaucho would not take mental qualities into account, and so he concluded that the stallion was likely lying. Either way, he was skeptical of his purposes and intent.
"Yeah - how you know Onni?" He repeated, with significantly more aggression than Shadow had.
What did he do was that so potently and horrifyingly wrong to make him deserve Shadow's abysmal and distasteful behavior? It was as if she had forced sour wine down his throat, or rum or scotch or something hot and fiery, something that hurt much more than it soothed. All the elvish boy of soft eyes and tender flesh wanted was Shadow's warm wings and smiles, to be with her and to not only care for the child, but for her to come to terms with it... they couldn't just fall apart, split and fray and crack along the edges! They were mortal and fragile things, and he they were unraveling.
It was his fault, Carnesîr knew. He had pushed and smiled and traced the contours of her black corset as if he wanted to devour her, as if it was their one and only chance... and it was, for she didn't care for him, that was all too clear.
Maybe the unicorns in the Basin had the right idea, hiding in their cold wintry caves, breath steaming from their nostrils in clouds of silver smoke, alone and untainted by the monsters hidden in equid flesh. Those with horns on their brows never fought him, never hurt him, never cut him down to the soul like Shadow, the girl with the cursed name. And it was that realization that stung, bitter as salt rubbed into the wound, what a wicked little conniving bitch she was, who screamed at him and shouted out his name as if he were Satan returned to earth again.
He just wanted to go fucking home. All he had wanted was to care for her, to play with her and dance in the sands beside her, to whisper stories and watch her belly grow bigger and bigger.
Instead he was scorned.
Carnesîr was not accustomed to anger, the hotness that swelled in his stomach and burned in his eyes, the tightness in his chest. Maybe it wasn't anger. Maybe it was this powerless feeling of Shadow's pigheaded stubborn carelessness, how she stood over him with her violet eyes and fucking pretty face.
"Do you really think I would come back to you if I had intentions of only leaving you and yonya again? Nányë Carnesîr, tullen tye-rehtien!"
Leave me alone. He thought to himself, when she turned those big eyes on him. Leave me alone. He thought to himself, as she snapped at him. Leave me alone. He thought to himself, at Gaucho's rumbling voice filled with an ominous tone even clueless Carnesîr could recognize.
"Fuck off," Carnesîr whispers, eyes full of hurt and abandonment and despair and this overwhelming powerlessness. "Don't worry Shadow, I didn't fuck her..." How he wants to hurt her, to rip and tear and crown her with the same vulnerability Shadow had bestowed upon him. He didn't want to run. Not today. He was tired of running, tired of fleeing, tired of lying and hiding and making his poor and shabby living on the fringes of society, being a scholar and an emissary and some weak little fool. That's what she thought he as. Weak and despicable and foul.
And he was, and that's what hurt the most.
"Onni comforted me when I was hurt." The elvish boy snapped, his tone barbed with an unlikely hint of hostility.
"Are you done questioning me now? Are you finished blaming me for what was your mistake too? Lau!" The boy snorted, kneading the sand with one hoof. "Eca, a mitta lambetya cendelessë orcova." And his ears pinned and twisted, his pretty face twisting into a hideous mockery of them.
"I am Carnesir, I am here to help you!"
"No!" - in a mocking way
"Go kiss an orc."
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HP: 42
