OXY
Realism [+4]
I thought you did an excellent job with realism, both in terms of attacks and defenses. I loved the use of surroundings (using the sun, etc). You also made use of size advantages, and had realistic disadvantages associated with that. Using the bag as a distraction was a great idea (with hilarious consequences).

Emotion [+1]
Generally good emotion. I could feel his determination, and I particularly enjoyed the part in his third post where he starts to lose some of his focus. I really felt like there could have been a little more about his drug habits, as it’s such a huge part of his life. It didn’t really show up until the third post, which felt a bit late to me. I did, however, enjoy the bit about him wanting to see Ampere suffer. Try to incorporate a bit more of that fire!

Prose [+3]
“Oxy, meet a freight train.” This is wonderful. I laughed.
“…avoiding a bite from angry teeth that seemed to have forgotten their last swampy meal.” Also, this.
“…well, it seems like something went majorly wrong because you're falling back to the ground and it's a rather uncomfortable feeling.” And this.
Why did you wait until the fourth post to put in these lovely, hilarious little snarks? Overall, great prose, great style, very enjoyable. I recommend using those witty remarks earlier, though.

Readability [+3]
I very much enjoy the use of second person, as I feel it compliments Oxy really well. There weren’t many (if any) errors that I found.

Finally tally: 25 HP


AMPERE
Realism [+4]
I thought that you did a wonderful job with realism, both in terms of attacks and defenses. I liked that you continually referenced things like the surroundings and used the environment to your advantage (dust storm, mentioning the dirt softening her landing) as well as noting the breed/build differences between the two and really using them in Ampere’s analysis of what to do next. For the most part you took damage really well, though I felt you took a bit too much damage from Oxy’s last attack – or at least were bleeding too much.

Emotion [+2]
Ampere’s emotions were a bit touch and go for me. On the one hand, her reactions to her injuries were realistic and that was great, but I really lost track of why she was fighting at times. The most emotion I felt for the first part of the fight regarding that issue was when she spoke – and, don’t get me wrong, when she spoke I definitely felt her passion! – but outside of that, I felt that her passion for her cause was a bit lacking. Her final attack post is where I really feel her fire. It really picked up at the end! I still would have liked to see that same passion earlier.

Prose [+3]
“Ampere decides against biting him for the duration of this fight.” Lol. THIS.
“Who knows, next he might fart on her and that she certainly could not endure.” AND THIS.
My only complaint is that I didn’t get more of this humor earlier.
I loved your prose and your style. I think you write Ampere really believably and stay very true to her character, and she’s really fun to read! I love the humor that you are able to incorporate, and I would love to have seen more of it.

Readability [+3]
Very easy to read with little to no mistakes. Generally very clear.

Finally tally: 14 HP