In some way, he felt like he didn't belong, not just here, but in Helovia at all. The world was so green, and he was so white, and everything he'd ever been, everything he'd built, had crumbled to the ground. He'd been a shooting star, rising against the odds, but they'd torn him down, and here he was—a ghost, trying to fit back in the pace of life. Why had he even come back? Maybe he could've faced the guilt and the shame back home when the truth came out, and carved out a place for himself, far from all of this. Sarazheha would've kept him safe.

But I didn't belong there either.

How do you pick up the pieces of a life, when you didn't even know where they were? Or if you, were still you? His eyes had once been arcane, mysterious and keen but betraying nothing; now, they just seemed soft and sad, his pose slowly losing its edge to defeat. More and more he was coming to realize that he was empty inside, apathetic. There'd been times in the past when his anger should've flared, burned bright and hot, and sometimes it had—but it always went out as quickly, and now, his emotions were pulling back again. The dark stallion finally introduced himself, and only a vague disappointment stirred in him, that he was robbed of the final vestige of emotion he had upon that day (namely, mild irritation at the lack of manners). In the back of his mind, Irma sighed at him, but let him be. Almost mechanically, his eyes and ears swept towards Parelia as she took over the conversation again. She was obviously trying to get them talking, but Mauja felt dumb, and numb. Words had abandoned him, together with today's hope-crushing insight that he had no bloody idea what he was doing, or why he was alive, or back. He felt like someone had reached inside and stolen his soul through his mouth, leaving his throat raw and parched.

Stolen all his words, too. He couldn't, for the life of him, recall how to do small talk. Even his appreciation for the beauty of one of nature's creations had faded, as he finally admitted to himself: I am exhausted. He blinked, slowly, trying to process Parelia's words, her question, Silk's response, and somehow fit it into the social constructs he knew.. and sought for the correct response, an explanation, something that wasn't just dumbly staring at them. As if through fog he became aware of the other stallion watching him, and realized his gaze had gone blurry. He blinked again, this time rapidly, and the world came back into focus. "I was just wandering," he said quietly, 'brows drawing together in slight consternation. This wasn't right. Much as it was a relief that the riot in his mind had gone silent, it was also incredibly..disturbing. The skin on his withers twitched, but though he searched his soul for some explanation, maybe something else to say, he found nothing, and remained silent.

[ don't worry Parelia, your posts are fine! xP besides, I ramble a helluvalot myself and Mauja is being quite err weird right now, so, s'fine ^^ ]