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02-27-2014, 04:41 AM
And maybe it was time that he followed his own advice—let go of the bitterness, the hate, all the blackness he carried around in him like a plague-cloud. All the guilt, shame, regret and self-loathing. Maybe it was time that he pulled himself from the surface of his own black sea, and rose into the moonlight, above all the negativity, and all the crippling, vindictive rancor. But if there was one thing haunting him, hounding him across the face of the earth, it was one thing: that he had never learned how to forgive himself.
".. especially when abrasive pigheaded single sighted morons are involved." It would be incredibly inappropriate to laugh, but her words made him want to, just as much as they made him wonder what, exactly, she had been put through. Life was hard for mostly everyone, and that was a truth you couldn't escape, but life was harsher on some. Starving, or being beaten, was like trying to choose between pest and cholera. Both were bad, both were hard and harsh, but being the victim of another's rage and ideas usually left deeper wounds. If he had to pick between being at the mercy of nature, or at the mercy of some idiot's whims, he'd pick nature any day of the week. Then, at least, it was only him and the world. Everything was so much harder when other people got involved.
"Mmh," he hummed when she fell silent, ears flickering to the rhythm of his pacing. "I can imagine it has not been easy, having had all your choices stripped from you.. and all your faith in the world crumbled." His voice was soft, almost tentative as he navigated the waters of words. While he had a hunch of what she'd been through, the gist of what kind of life she'd led, he didn't want to make assumptions. It would be rude. He was silent for a step or two. You could lose faith in everything all by yourself, too. And to regain it.. if he ever found out how to do it, he'd share the secret, but even after so many years he still didn't know how to. "I'm sorry life has treated you this way so far," he finally said, wondering why such darkness could exist in a sunlit, warm world, here and now, wrapped in the words between them; wasn't it too beautiful a day to let such things exist?
But alas—he was done with living life with his eyes closed.
".. especially when abrasive pigheaded single sighted morons are involved." It would be incredibly inappropriate to laugh, but her words made him want to, just as much as they made him wonder what, exactly, she had been put through. Life was hard for mostly everyone, and that was a truth you couldn't escape, but life was harsher on some. Starving, or being beaten, was like trying to choose between pest and cholera. Both were bad, both were hard and harsh, but being the victim of another's rage and ideas usually left deeper wounds. If he had to pick between being at the mercy of nature, or at the mercy of some idiot's whims, he'd pick nature any day of the week. Then, at least, it was only him and the world. Everything was so much harder when other people got involved.
"Mmh," he hummed when she fell silent, ears flickering to the rhythm of his pacing. "I can imagine it has not been easy, having had all your choices stripped from you.. and all your faith in the world crumbled." His voice was soft, almost tentative as he navigated the waters of words. While he had a hunch of what she'd been through, the gist of what kind of life she'd led, he didn't want to make assumptions. It would be rude. He was silent for a step or two. You could lose faith in everything all by yourself, too. And to regain it.. if he ever found out how to do it, he'd share the secret, but even after so many years he still didn't know how to. "I'm sorry life has treated you this way so far," he finally said, wondering why such darkness could exist in a sunlit, warm world, here and now, wrapped in the words between them; wasn't it too beautiful a day to let such things exist?
But alas—he was done with living life with his eyes closed.
Mauja
must keep those black wings folded until the time is right
