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       I walked solemnly along the ground in the burning Tallsun, my ears flicked back and tail twitching in discomfort. I was not one for the heat, though there was some sort of heat I liked. I sighed, remembering the fire of my mate’s wings and her little companion, the sweet little phoenix Arbutus. I looked for him now, flitting about the skies, coming to bring me a message from my Tares. I shook my flaxen mane and tried to clear my head—rather unsuccessfully. The only things I could think of were my mate and our unborn son, all the way in the Foothills. I stopped to lean under the shade of a nearby tree, grateful for the relief. I stretched my wings, feeling them relax as they unfurled, suddenly noticing the fatigue in my body. I had been wandering along in the Throat since the departure of Tares, and I figured I had not stopped since. I was weary and sad, ready for a nap. And yet I knew I could not sleep without her wing on my withers.

I trotted around the tree, leaves falling in my mane that was flying out behind me, and unconsciously kept going round in circles. Suddenly, I tripped, falling slightly and catching myself quite painfully on both knees. In my mind, I saw myself in this position, a past version of myself, sans vine-marking. But that did not mean my nose was empty. Though in a way, it was—empty of skin and coat. My nose was zombie-like, with the muscles showing through, as well as some of the bone. Hoof marks were beat into my sides and my flanks heaved with pain. I could see that each breath was a struggle, and blood pooled underneath me, dripping from my nose as well as various other places. My green eyes were wild with fury, shame, sadness, and pain.

I saw my mouth open and when I spoke my voice was cracked with the pain that racked my body. “Gods. I . . . I plead with you. Tell me how to get away from Beauregard. I need to leave before he does this again to me. I cannot endure this pain. I wish to forget him, and all he has done. Please.” Bright light flashed all around my form and I hear a soft thud as I fell to my side. I crept closer to myself and watched as green shimmering light covered my nose, reconstructing the lost muscle and tissue, and as the light faded, my nose was fully intact and with a new addition. A white vine marking winded around my nose, still glittering in the aftermath of the magic. Familiar green eyes fluttered open and I watched myself stand, disoriented from the magic. Brow furrowed, eyes blank, I sadly watched as I understood. My wish had been taken quite literally, to forget. I watched myself experience the first time I had no memories with sadness in my current green eyes.

I wondered which god had granted this wish. I judged from the vine marking he had left on his handiwork of my nose that it was the God of the Earth. His magic worked quite well to revoke my memory. I wondered if each time I remembered too much, it would trigger the magic to wipe everything out when I fell asleep. I sighed. I wondered if it was his intention to wipe out everything. Yet, I knew I could not question such a gift. I pawed at the ground, desperately needing a distraction.

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       I rose up off of my knees, eager to meet this newcomer, a blessed distraction from my whirling mind. He asked if I was alright, and I hesitated to answer. I shyly let my mane fall in front of my face, the way I did when I had no idea what to say. I looked up at the ghostly pale stallion before me, and my green eyes met his ice blue. They were comforting, and I was glad they were not yellow. For if they were, I may have told him everything about me in one fell swoop, and scared him away with the pressures that were my life. My heart ached for Tares to return. But I needed to stop thinking about her. I needed to feel happy again, instead of lying in wait while my lover carried my child. “Hello. I’m alright, thank you, just a dizzy spell. I am Aure, new to Dragon’s Throat. Also, newly appointed soldier. Who is my acquaintance today?”

I dipped my head respectfully to the stallion, my eyes taking in his odd appearance. A bloodmark stained his chest, and I saw that his left wing was deformed. I tried not to let pity pass my face, as I gathered this stallion was sensitive about his condition, as I was about my memory. I felt sorry he could not fly, feel the wind rushing under his feathers as I could; flying was a wonderful apparatus that helped clear my head. Not able to help myself, I glanced towards the skies; selfishly waiting for Arbutus to glide down and tell me Tares is alright. I looked back at the stallion with his grey mane, that I think was slightly tinged with blue. Only light would be able to tell me and the shade hid the color. I smiled shyly at the stallion, glad that the miraculously he had come along to keep me out of my head. The distraction was very welcome.

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       I gasped as Arbutus lands in the tree, just the little phoenix I was looking for. I reached my wing up to him, to sweetly envelope his frame for a few seconds, and then retract it. I look again to Andash, the light in my green eyes returning, knowing that Tares was alright, and loving the company of Arbutus. My ears flicked up at the mention of him wanting to be a soldier. “Oh, I apologize for my rudeness. I was simply waiting for Arbutus here. My mate, Tares is in the Foothills, and she is bearing my child. We could not have children, as anatomy limits us, and we asked the gods to gift us. She is fulfilling the requirements, and I miss her terribly. I thank you for your company, I was in great need of it.”

I flipped my mane nervously, hopefully not having got an uneasy start with Andash, when we seemed to have so much in common. He desired to be a soldier, an honorable role and also was a pegasus…I looked to the ground, clamping my mouth shut. I nearly asked him to fly with me when I realized he was not capable. Unwanted pity washed over me as I itched for long awaited flight, kept grounded by this stallion. The hot sun beat down on my black coat, feeling like fire on my back. I stepped closer to the tree, inching away from the light, into the cooler shade. “I am delighted to meet a prospective soldier. Have you talked to Azzuen? He is sure to appoint you one, if you so desire. We are always looking for more help with patrols and all. I am fairly new to the position, but I believe in protection of others and defense of yourself. Experience first-hand can do that to you.” My broken, bloody nose swam in front of my eyes and I blinked rapidly to clear the horrid image of Beauregard’s handiwork.

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       I watched Tares’ companion fly away, seemingly approving of my company enough to leave me with him. I wondered how Tares was, knowing she was probably fine if she sent me Arbutus for company. I was happy and turned to Andash with a new enthusiasm. I was glad to hear he was to become a soldier; it seemed a good position for him. His pale form stood in front of mine, and the hot sun beat down on us both. I knew he could tell that missing my love was not the only thing on my mind. I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of hooves ramming into my sides. Though I knew my nose was full, with the vine marking curled around it, I could feel no skin or coat. I flinched at the sudden movement of the leaves in the trees and insects scuttling along the ground. I could see something like fear and worry for me in the stallion’s ice blue eyes. And then he confirmed his worry by saying my name.

I sighed, knowing I should tell him about my abuse at the hands of Beauregard. I looked at the bloodmark on his chest, and Beauregard flashed before my eyes, his violet eyes reeling, and strong palomino legs rearing with black hooves ready to strike. “You think you’re strong, Aure? You’ll never be as strong as me. You will never escape me.” His voice sneered at me and I audibly gasped. I looked at Andash with fear and shame in my eyes. I felt I should explain my condition and the little I could remember about my past. He deserved to know why I was acting so strange. “I am sorry for acting so strange, Andash. I think I owe you an explanation. I have a condition, caused by faulty magic of the Earth God, that triggers a complete memory wipe. I am unable to remember my past sometimes after I wake up. Until recently, I had no idea about any part of my past. I remembered today. . . some hard things.” I took a deep breath and looked away, my green eyes still ashamed that I was once so weak. Telling this stallion would be a feat to accomplish that I was not sure I was ready for.

I steadied my emotions, steeling myself against the rearing hooves, angry whinnies, and blood-smeared coats that scattered my brain. The disorienting feeling of spontaneous snippets from my past made my head pound, feeling nauseous with the hate that stirred in my gut. I opened my mouth and closed it again, not extremely ready to voice aloud the horrors that the monster Beauregard had done.

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       The pale stallion was such a sweet friend. His concern for me shone clearly in his eyes, and I was grateful. Never had anyone shown such care for me, except Tares, though she was a different kind of care. She was my love, and I was hers. Our son would know such love, the most wonderful in the world. I looked at the ground shyly, embarrassed about my condition and preoccupied thinking about my past. I heard Andash suggest asking the gods to fix my memory. I had not thought of that myself, and excitedly smiled when I thought about it. Tares and our child could come home to a mother who had a working memory, for it never to be lost again. So much pain could be saved and I would always remember my child and my love. Things would be normal; we could be a perfect family with two competent mothers. I whinnied excitedly, immediately starting to plan my next visit with the gods, hoping it would be successful.

I looked up at Andash, excited by the prospect of a full, working memory, my green orbs full of thanks as I looked at his blue ones. And then something clicked in my mind. I had asked the gods to forget what Beauregard had done to me, and the Earth Goad had answered my plea. I wondered if his magic was faulty, or if he had intended to wipe my whole past from my mind. The light faded from my green eyes, as I looked back up at Andash. “That is a wonderful suggestion, Andash. But I am afraid that it is not possible. I. . . had a very awful past and asked the gods to relieve me of my burden by helping me forget the awful incidents that clouded my past. His magic has wiped my whole memory, and must trigger before I remember too much. Asking them to restore my memory could be extremely offensive to them, by asking them to revoke a gift I had previously asked for. I also do not know how I will handle remembering everything when I was protected from it for so long. I do wish it could be fixed, Andash, but I think it is too late for that.”

I hung my head and wished I could just forget all I had remembered, but not my Tares, never my Tares. I looked up at the ghostly stallion, grateful for his suggestion, sorry it could not work. “I thank you, Andash, but it seems we have talked about me quite a lot. I would like to know more about you, my new friend.

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       I was inspired by Andash’s story. He was a strong stallion, one who had the purpose and drive to walk all the way to Helovia for a new life. I was happy he had finally found a home where everyone could accept him for who he was. I was also glad the conversation had turned from me, as I knew I could never ask the gods to revoke their gift. I also in a way did not want them to, thinking that knowing what Beauregard had done to me would be just too much for me to bear. No, I knew not knowing was much better for me. I longed for my love, needing her now more than ever and knowing she needed me as well. Still, I had to accept the fact that she was not there and fully commit myself to talking to Andash.

I really did love his story, and wondered what it would be like to have a family. I smiled at the light stallion and tried to understand his struggle. It must be awful to be raised in a pegasus herd with defective wings, unable to enjoy the elation of flight. Again, I looked to the sky, feeling the clouds call to me with their refreshing wetness. I leaned against the tree we stood by, feeling exhausted from the Tallsun heat being absorbed by my black coat. I could tell that Andash was not at all impressed by his story, thinking it boring himself. “You are enlightening, Andash. Your strength to endure in a herd full of winged creatures when you could not enjoy the same luxury as them is admirable, as well as having the determination to walk the long way to Helovia. We welcome you as a wonderful and perfect addition to the Dragon’s Throat herd.” I bowed my head in respect for this stallion, seeing in him what he could not. He was a wonderful listener, and I hoped I was the same for him. There were not words to express how grateful I was for his distraction from missing my Tares.

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       My heart filled when the stallion looked warmed to hear what I thought of him. I did think him brave to endure everything he had, and still try and find a place to belong. Many would simply fade into the background, slipping into their private selves and never trying to become friends with others. I smiled warmly at the pale brute, his ice blue orbs a comfort to my green, as we stood by the tree, simply basking in the company of another. It really was a wonder that two could say so little and still remain in comfortable silence, hanging onto the fact that they were interacting with another. The sheer contact of another was all one really needed to feel like they were not alone in the world, as I had as soon as Tares had gone to bear our child.


I wondered what to do next, as we had both shared much about our past. I sighed—Him more than me, knowing that if I talked about Beauregard I was likely to start shaking uncontrollably. Maybe it was better if I tried, got everything out there so I could try and move on. The one thing I was worried about was another trigger. I did not want to remember so much, or maybe something so awful that when I slept, I would awake not missing my Tares, not knowing I was a mother, not understanding who Arbutus was when he came bearing the news of the beginning of my son’s birth. I could not miss such things. I knew that I would eventually remember Tares, but I would never forgive myself for missing such a special moment.

Still, I owed Andash a greater explanation for the position he found me in, and the act-up of my nerves after. I took a deep breath, preparing myself to explain to him about Beauregard. “Andash, I owe you a more detailed explanation about my past. I do not know much of it, but I do know that I was subject to some terrible abuse.” I stopped, visibly shaking, and let out a soft, nervous snort. I had to go on, for my sake and Andash’s. “It was my former lover. He beat me. He beat me so awfully; he stripped my nose of all the flesh and took some muscles with it. I had to go to the Earth god, not for my nose, but to get away from him, to forget the horrors I had witnessed. The god was more than kind, reconstructing my nose and blessing me with this vine marking. I . . . am sorry I could not say this all earlier. When you found me, I had been experiencing a reaction to the trigger, which made me see this memory.” I hung my head, ashamed I was so weak, and wondering what Andash would say to this dark revelation.

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       I looked shyly at Andash as he told me how lucky I was to have a mate like Tares, and I fully understood him. Tares was a gift from the gods, much like my freedom from Beauregard, the mending and marking of my nose, and our son. Our son was the most wonderful blessing of all. Judging by the cycles of the moon and sun, I thought I should be seeing Arbutus soon, bearing the news that our colt was about to be born. I rejoiced at being able to see my Tares again, and being there to drape my comforting charcoal wing across her back as she carried the painful weight of our child. I looked at the ghostly stallion who had kept my company for so long, sharing heartfelt stories and comforting glances. Andash would always be a true friend. I gently and slightly opened my wings, and slightly shook the feathers and aching muscles. Tightly squeezing the large gliders against my sides made them ache and long for freedom, like the sky.

I considered flying to the Foothills, to see my Tares a few days early, even though I knew I should wait for a message from Arbutus. I sighed inwardly and arranged a slight smile on my soft features, thankful for the company I had anyway. I leaned against the trunk of the tree, my legs tender from walking for so long. My nerves were still shaky, and telling my stories, not to mention experiencing them before Andash arrived was taking a toll on my strength. The less I had to think about Beauregard, the better, and getting away from the place I remembered him last would ease my mind. I knew Andash would understand, and I was sure that he had better things to do with his time than listen to a dame’s troubles.


I stood to my full height, and looked with bright and lively green orbs at the pair of ice blue before me. “You have been wonderful to me, Andash. You were lucky to happen upon me when you did, before I really had time to think about my flashback. I assume you will understand my need to leave this spot, so I can simply clear my wretched thoughts? It has been wonderful sharing ever so much with you, and you will always be a true friend. When Tares returns with our son, I should very much like for you to meet them. I know she will like you very much.”

I turned from the pale brute, ready to walk away, as soon as he told me it was alright. He was a wonderful stallion, proof of the finest we housed in the Dragon’s Throat herd.