Ave Maria [ Locket Teaching Spar]

the Rift

Ave Maria [ Locket Teaching Spar]

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004

Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8

Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE

Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd

02-02-2014, 06:34 PM

Slamming his shoulder against another, was a move that had rarely failed Gaucho. He is not so slow, as some would think. His Hanoverian blood gives him speed that heavier builds of his height likely lack, and yet most of his war-ability comes in close range combat, where his ability to throw his weight around can be utilized. Should Locket simply flee from battle - or if perhaps he had wings - Gaucho would certainly be at more of a disadvantage. But it is only the saber on the pale boys brow that gives him an edge (literally), and little else, against the warrior.

Gaucho can feel as well as hear the impact of his hooves against Locket's neck, and the dun wonders if this should rightly be called a spar after all. His goal in coming here, was for the Foothills to demonstrate that they were worthy allies for the Throat, not punching bags. If Gaucho needed exercise and target practice, he would have stayed in the Throat, and trained in the sands.

But the boy had answered his call. Gaucho would not show mercy and end this early; he would give the warrior what he asked for, come what may.

As Gaucho caught, and once again felt the body of his fellow warrior yield to his bulk, and the spikes around his neck, he thought he felt the neck of the pale warrior twist. Was he trying to bite him? Bite where? His antlers? Gaucho felt nothing, and could only assume it was merely a desperate counter-attack on the part of his bladed-opponent.

As a cry emanated from Locket, Gaucho's dark ears pinned against his skull, but his dark lips twisted in a smirk. If nothing else, he admired the pale stallion's spirit. As Locket rose up, front hooves flailing, Gaucho tossed his muzzle upwards, to protect his face from being hit. He felt the small but powerful cloven hooves connect with his chest, pounding against the dark blue stripes that covered his muscles. It would bruise surely, adding to the already navy pigment of his chest, but would do little else. The skin had not been broken; the warrior's lithe body had not the force (this time), to prevail against the hardened physique of Gaucho. Grunting, Gaucho too rose onto his hind legs, hoping to strike out with his dark hooves against Locket's chest, or flailing forelegs. His goal was to thrust the smaller stallion backwards, rather than deliver serious blows.

As he lowered himself back to the ground, his stormy gaze narrowed as he watched the curved blade of Locket's horn rising not directly to his face, but higher to his antlers ?????!?! Gaucho thought, ears still pinned against his skull. He was taller than the stallion, and with Locket's hooves remaining on the ground, Gaucho couldn't understand what this move was meant to do.

Unless...

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

In his antlers, Mara hissed furiously as the sharpened point jutted towards her. She fled to his thick neck, as Gaucho lowered his brow to try and catch the horn of Locket. Given all the places that Locket's singular blade could be caught, Gaucho's intention was to force it to lock into place between his many points, so that he would have control over the stallions head. One he believed that this had been achieved, he wrenched his large skull hard to the right, hoping to force Locket's own neck to bend, should it be pivoting within Gaucho's antlers. If this was successful, they would be nearly brow-to-brow, tilting to the right. Silently, Mara lunged for the left side of Locket's neck - hoping that it was turned upwards given the angle potentially caused by Gaucho. Poison dripped from her outstretched fangs, as her gun-metal steel body rocketed forwards, hoping to bite the left side of Locket's neck. Her body snapped back, as Gaucho's thick neck tensed, as he tried to maintain whatever hold might have upon Locket.

[ WC: 658
Attack 2/3

@[Locket] .

OOC Notes
Loads juicier than last time! I really liked the bit about looking for Lakota. You had some really good one liners in there - about Locket being the nerd having his lunch money stolen. In cases like that, you could stretch the metaphor. Something like, "Locket would do this for all the nerds - for every small stallion that the pretty girls overlooked. He would defeat this bully. Never again would he let a big oaf like Gaucho shove him in a locker. Other places that you might have expanded on his emotion, was at the end. He was looking for Lakota, and thinks that she isn't there. Considering he's getting thrown around, what's he thinking? Maybe now he's glad that she isn't there to see - or maybe, some part of him is glad each time Gaucho hits him, because it means another trip to see her (you mentioned something like this in your first post).

Areas to work on:

Direction/Clarity: When Gaucho spins around to attack, he is using his right shoulder against Locket's left - meaning they are side by side, facing the same direction. In your post, you say that Locket tries to hit Gaucho's left side. I think you meant right - and if you didn't, that would mean that he's reaching over him. I don't think that this is the case, given that Gaucho is so much bigger (and has wings in the way as well). But it puts me in a weird spot to reply, because now I have to try and decide, do I reply based on what I thought you meant? Or what you wrote? Typically, I'm forced to respond to what you wrote.

Now that I re-read it, I wonder if Locket stopped? You said Locket 'thrusts himself at Gaucho'... is that meant to say that now they are facing one another? If this is unclear to me, it will likely be unclear to the judge as well. Also write your attacks as clearly as possible - leave no ambiguity as to what you're doing, even if it means repeating yourself more than once.

I'm excited to see where you go with this next attack! Why is Locket trying to tangle horns with Gaucho? I feel like he's going to lose this battel, given that there are so many points where Gaucho's horns can force Locket's head to move. It would have been interesting in your post for you to spell out the rationale of this attack. You say it's going to be the height of the fight, and now I want to know how!

You've definitely improved already! I think you did a really good job of appropriately taking damage here as well.