I gently bumped my maw against his shoulder as I passed, my eyes catching him as he turned and brushed his muzzle against my side. A gentle whisper of my name and then he seemed to watch me as I took a drink of water.

Mind you, the confinement of the caves was beginning to eat away at my soul. The struggle of flashing images was tearing at my mind, and the movements I took were also hesitant. So afraid that one wrong movement would shatter my back that I was now constantly afraid of what was going on. It had been ages since my back had acted up, but it had also been ages since I'd felt something so tangible as the pain that splintered across my back in moments like this.

As I pulled my head back up from the water I stepped over to the side and peered up at him with a gentle smile upon my lips. It is then that he said to close my eyes, that he had something for me. Pain. It was about time that it came - no relationship ever offered anything except pain.

I watched him, a bit of confusion flooding my orbs before I finally gave in and allowed my orbs to slide shut. My muscles tensed as I felt his frame inch in closer to mine, my breath getting stuck in my chest, my lungs, my throat. His muzzle pressing up against my neck for a second and I can't help but to flinch, waiting on the lips to raise and the bare teeth to press against my flesh, to press and then dig in as if he were attempting to claim me. It had been done plenty of times before, it was a routine I was accustomed to. But, when no bite came the tension in my muscles only increased as I felt loose strands of my mane being pulled back and clasped in something. A thicker loop of hair pulled away from my flesh and I can feel him stepping back, telling me to open my eyes.

I hadn't realized how long I had been holding my breath until I had basically gasped for air, the oxygen filling my lungs. I step toward the water again, trying to keep my gaze from meeting his - I didn't want him to see the fear, the panic, that had welled up in them for nothing. All relationships ended in some kind of pain, I was expecting it - I was prepared for it. But he had been nothing but kind. He had not done one thing to hurt me. No he had promised he would protect me. Just that image of fear in my eyes had to be a betrayal - but I couldn't get rid of it, not yet. So I tried my hardest to keep my gaze from him and instead peered into the water at my reflection. My eyes locking on the trinket that was now clipped into my mane. It was glass. It was a hawk. It was a decoration that made me easier to break.

I'm shaking my head. No. No. I don't deserve it. I don't. I don't. My ears are pinning a little bit, but it's no longer the fact that it is a trinket - making me look like I'm fancier, like I'm loved, like I'm cared for - that is bothering me. No. It's the fact that it's a hawk. More memories flood my cranium and I'm shaking my head again. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say - if I could even say it. I just. I don't know. And when I finally allow my eyes to meet his gaze all that's left is an uncertainty and a broken-ness that can't be fixed.

I don't deserve to be pretty. I don't deserve to be noticed. Maybe I don't even deserve to be... happy... After all, he had been starting to make me happy - hadn't he? But I'd probably screwed that all up. Probably screwed it all up with one look of fear in my eyes...