Is it possible to break a heart a million times? Because I never would've thought that my heart could break ever again, after all these years in Helovia, after everything that had happened to me. My home had been taken away from me, the herd left me on my own, my love... My love got chased away from me. Then I had been chased away from my home, my child and the herd I thought I had known so well. Apparently, it was possible to break it even more after all of that.
The voice of your own child that you haven't heard in several months, was the very thing that would make the little that was left of your heart explode into non-existence. A voice that spoke a word so powerful, so beautiful, that tears started to blur my vision. It was the echo of a word from a voice that I missed so much. "Mamma!"
So much.

"Des..." My voice broke and I knew deep inside of me that if I continued to talk, I would break down. I couldn't do anything but embrace her when she was close to me, pulling her closer with my head over her withers. Oh, my dear daughter. She was sobbing and I felt how she rested the side of her face against the crease between my neck and shoulder blade.
That area was a bit sensitive due to bruising - invisible against my dark bodice - but I didn't care. I wanted my daughter as close as possible.
"I have missed you too, my treasure..." Again, my voice broke even if I only whispered the words before tears started to run down my white-marked cheeks.
Destry pulled away her dark purple body from me, gazing straight into my eyes. Oh, I wish she hadn't. The eyes she used to look over me wasn't hers.. They were Azzaron's. Red gemstones of love, filled with sorrow and joy, drowning me with memories of the golden pegasus. It hurt so badly whenever I thought of him, yet he had been the one occupying my thoughts whenever I tried to come home.

The golden boy next to me smiled, too with tears in his eyes, when she ruffled his purple and red forelock. They were perfect siblings, matching colors with matching personalities. A perfect mix between me... and Azzaron. My heart flew up to my throat and I felt the lump of sorrow when I tried to clear it. Azarel wore the golden pelt from his father, decorated with flames of silver. His mane and tail were dark purple, tipped with blood. Destry, on the other hand, was the opposite. Her coat was the darkest of purples decorated with red lightnings, born with wings of bloody stars and darkness. But her hair was as light as her father's, tipped with blood just like her brother. Both of them had been born with horns upon their foreheads, colored in russian violet, even though Aza's horn had a maroon red tip.
I sighed and looked away for a short second. Azzaron had become the very reason why I still lived. His love had given me courage to go on and continue my life, if not for him... There wouldn't have been two children and a companion by my side right now. I turned my head and locked my gaze once again on the dark, young mare and felt my soul twist around when she observed our surroundings only to spit out a single word.
A single. Painful. Word.
"Father?"
More tears breached the waterlines of my blue eyes, blurring my vision even more before I blinked them away. Why did she have to mention him? I did not blame my child, but it... It was just too painful to hear her say that word. It hurt even more to know that you had to say something to answer her question. "I... I don't know where he is. W-why isn't he here with you?" I stuttered and it was hard to get my mouth to cooperate with me. Then I realized.
Destry wouldn't have asked for Azzaron if he was here.
She wouldn't have looked around for him if he was here.
He simply wasn't here at all.
Azzaron had left us.

It felt like a thousand lightning bolts had hit my very being. Azzaron was dead. He had to be. He couldn't be alive with these things outside. I hadn't seen him since the birth of our son. Dezba looked up at me, mournful sadness in her gaze. No. No. 'I'm sorry, Delinne.'
To top this all off, I noticed that another one had joined our group. Someone whom she recognized with joy in the middle of the sadness. Circuta. "You're dead. What's it like being dead?" What? My bonded took a step closer to the white-decorated mare while my son took a step back. "It's Indigo Eyes." He whispered, and I still couldn't get over how deep his voice had gotten in the last few months. Circuta took a step closer to them and she almost looked like she was drunk. Except, she wasn't. The dark mare was skinny and had a mad look in her - as Aza's nickname implied - indigo eyes. She had gone crazy at last. "You're always dead. Where were you? Where did you go?"
"I'm not dead, Amika. But I am happy - oh, so happy - to see you again. Friend." But the mare didn't seem to listen to what I said. Her voice became louder and louder while her words continued to break down my mental state. "Did you think I would forget? I WOULD HAVE PROTECTED YOU! I COULD HAVE PROTECTED YOU! And you LEFT ME! You.. you both.. left me. Like everyone else. You always le-ave me. Always.."
No.
"No.. no you didn't. I left you, didn't I? I left you and its my fault. I know it's my fault. Why can't you stop making me remember that? Don't you think I know? I know it's my fault. You're all gone and its my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm SORRY."
No.

"Amika, stop. You didn't leave us. We didn't leave you. We ran away in fear that we would be taken, but..." I gazed over my son and bonded. "...it seems like I maybe would've been safer here with you. I am so sorry, my friend. Amika..." I stepped closer to Cir, to embrace her like the sister I never had. She was like my sister. She had saved me and my family, she had saved us. "I am not dead. Can you feel my heart beat? Can you feel the warmth of my body against yours? That is real. I am real, and so is my family." I tried to smile, but the sadness forced me to limit it as a pokerface. Azarel and Dezba stood by Destry, and when I looked back at them, a smile forced away the sadness. We were here. We were safe.
We were, most importantly, alive and we would stay like that for a good while more.

"Talking."
"Azarel Talking."

ooc: Q-Q
word count: 1248
tagged: @[Destry] @[Circuta]