You know that feeling when the world explodes and your life flashes by? The world inside of you, I mean. It's one of the worst feelings ever, I can tell you that. When you think the one you love the most is dead, there's no worse feeling than when you turn around and see them standing there, very alive, only to die right in front of you. You feel as if you are psychic, but it's not as great as one may think. At least... I didn't think so.
When I turned around to see to whom the echoing hoof steps belonged to, I did not expect him. Him. He was only skin and bones, looking dead already, but I felt as if my heart stopped beating and imploded in my chest. My soul broke down and even Dezba shivered from all the strong feelings radiating from my body. And I was certainly not prepared for the moment when he spoke my name. I was not prepared... At all. "Del-Delinne?"
He walked until he was close enough to reach out to me, yet he didn't reach me. The red gemstones that had once been filled with life, joy and love were clouded. Dead. Dimmed by the darkness and loneliness that I had caused him. I couldn't move. Every bone in my body had turned to stone, making it impossible for me to even move my mouth to say something. All I could do was to let the tears fall down my cheeks, letting them fall onto the ground. All I could do was to stare at him. My tongue refused to cooperate with me, leaving me with an open mouth and trembling lips. He looked me in the eyes, and I couldn't move my gaze away. I stared into the dimmed rubies and the memories of our time together flashed before me as if it had all happened just a few hours ago. I remembered it all. When we met at the Thistle Meadow, he had flown down from the sky on steady wings filled with lush feathers and he had landed - not so gracefully - before me to take me by surprise, only to charm me with his kind and joyful personality. A day later, we had met in the Deep Forest, where we told each other our pasts. We had accepted each other and the love had sparked, leaving me with new hope about my future.

This couldn't be the same stallion.

We had then conceived Destry, without me knowing it at first, and met by the Secret Grove to confess our true love to each other. He had shown me his magic, which seemed to have left him as he stood before me now. There was no fire in his eyes, there was no warmth. Only a grey cloud over the passion that once had been so visible in his red gaze. Why had this happened to us? Why did only sadness follow our hoof steps? I had then been stolen by the Foothills, waiting throughout almost the whole pregnancy until he found me and saved me. We had wandered around, ending up on the Meadow once again where I birthed Destry. No, this couldn't be the same stallion. This wasn't the same stallion who had helped me when I was giving birth. This wasn't the stallion that I had thought so badly of and left. I left him. More than once. He had come to see me and Destry in the Basin weeks later, when I was at my worst. And... I had just let him go. I let the others chase him away. I thought he had lied to me.

Why did I ever do that?

And when he had been stolen by the Reaper... I did nothing. He saved me once, and I did nothing to save him. I only watched from a far and cried. Destry only met her father three or four times. Azarel spent his first year only meeting his father twice and the second time they met, Azzaron died.

I could only watch as the golden pegasus turned to our children. He took a step closer to them, touching Destry carefully. I saw the panic in her eyes, the fear. And Azarel... He didn't even touch his son. Didn't even look at him. Was he ashamed? Was he embarrassed that he hadn't been a part of our children's lives like I had been?
The peg glanced at me again, turning his head to me and I let out a shocked gasp when I looked at his lips. Blood. There was blood, coming out of his mouth. The red drops fell to the ground, creating small puddles. He took a step closer to me... and fell to the ground just like the bloody drops had. "No..." I whispered. I stared with an open mouth, trembling lips and teared up eyes. Why couldn't I move? I could only watch as he called Destry forward, telling her to remove his amulet. No. Dezba stepped closer to me and sat down next to me, staring at Azzaron just like I did. My daughter did as her father said and removed his amulet from his neck, letting it fall over her head and set itself on her dark body.
No. No. NO.
The golden stallion gave me a final glance with his clouded eyes, and it almost looked like he smiled. I felt my heart break down. Implode. My whole inner being imploded and exploded. "I've always loved you, don't forget it." And he was gone. And, finally, I could move my lips.
"AZZARON!! NOOO!" I screamed. And screamed. And screamed.
I felt as if I just broke, as if my whole body just exploded into millions and billions of different pieces. My legs wouldn't support me anymore and I just fell down, hitting the ground hard enough to leave a bruise on my thin legs. I just screamed. My son stood on wide-set legs, trying to keep his balance as he stared with tear-filled eyes at his dead father.
And there was fire.
My son was on fire.

"AZA!" My scream came out silent and my lips' movement was the only evidence of me saying the golden boy's name. Azarel on the other hand didn't say a word, he only stared at his father with shock in his dual-colored eyes while he burned in silver flames. The white fire licked his skin without even harming him, lighting up the whole cave that we were in. He didn't even seem shocked by the fact that he burned, that his shoulder was being licked by silver heat. I shuffled away from him as good as I could, staring at the bright light. I could feel it hurting my eyes, but it didn't matter. My son was on fire. He only stared, tears wetting his golden cheeks. "Father... FATHER!" At last he moved and I watched as he fell down next to his dead sire. He was still on fire, but the flames didn't harm anyone. They didn't start to lick my loved one's skin or feathers, they only caressed the light gold surface as if it was an old friend. "Dad, please... Please start breathing again. I... I wanted to get to know you. I need you, by my side. Mom needs you. Sis needs you. Please, Dad, breathe." The colt's body started to tremble and I heard him sob, mourning his dead father that he never got to know. Mourning the winged stallion whom he had only known for a short while.

I didn't know what to do. I had never been prepared for this. When my mother had died, my father had only told me to forget about her and move on... But I was better than Treand. Azzaron had meant something to me, and he was the father of my two children. My dark, lightning-marked body started to tremble just like my son's and I felt the sorrow drown me like a wave of the ocean. Azzaron was dead. I was alone, with my desired and my two kids. Dezba put her paw across my right front leg, which was bent halfway in front of me, and looked up at me. The cat's eyes said it all. 'We have to raise two kids all alone. We can do it. We are strong. Deli, we can do this. We're a family. A team. Remember?' How could there possibly be so much wisdom inside of a jaguar's skull? How could there be such a good friend - no, soulmate - in such a dangerous animal? I kissed the cat's forehead, feeling the scars scratch against the velvet skin of my lips. She had been there for me and my family since we first met. She had saved us several times, more than I could count, and I trusted her with my family's and my life.

Suddenly I remembered Circuta, who still stood by my side. I turned my head and looked up on my friend, watching her. What was going on inside her mind? One second, Azzaron had stumbled in here alive, but the next, he had fallen dead onto the hard cave ground. Oh, my soul ached at the very thought of it. I lowered my gaze onto my dead lover, listening to my friend's shaky words. Azarel had laid his head across the destroyed wing of his sire, a wing that had once been covered with fiery colors but now was plucked, consisting of bones and skin. My son was still burning, his eyes closed with tears running down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking.

Why us?

Did the Gods hate us?

"We bury him. It's — it is what separates us from the beasts that prowl at our door." Shocked, I looked up at her. And with the strength I carried deeply inside of me, I stood up. My knees were shaking and for a second I thought I was going to fall, but I managed to keep my balance. "It's.. it is only moral, it reminds us we are alive, with consciousness, the opposite of the monsters that seek our demise." "Mother... What is she talking about?" My son now stood up as well, looking down at the ground but I caught him glancing under his red and purple forelock. His normal eye, the red one, was swollen and red where the white should be seen. The blue one had a purplish tint instead in the corners. I looked over at Destry and then finally at Dezba. The black cat nodded slightly at me, and I turned my head back to Circuta.

"Amika..." But I didn't come far when the black mare spoke again. She didn't look at me, but I could see it in her indigo eyes that she was sad. Circuta had only met Azzaron once, so I didn't understand why she did this. 'She's doing this for us.' I heard Dezba's well-known voice in my head and sighed. Only seconds later I heard Circuta again. "I'll.. I'll do it, Leto." It hurt inside of me when she said the name that she had always called me. I was Leto to her, as well as she was Amika to me. My friend.
"O-Okay, Amika. I... Thank you." I whispered, looking at her longer than I had to, before I turned to my children. Azarel was looking at me with a frown on his pale lips. His shoulder wasn't burning anymore, all that was left was the silver flames that he had been born with. Markings that he would never be able to remove. Markings that I now knew contained magic. "We... We should go further into the cave." I glanced back at the mare I called a friend. She did this for us. She helped us. 'And we shall return the favor whenever she desires it.' My blue eyes glanced at Dezba and I wanted to smile, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to smile for a good while. Nothing would ever be the same.

I knew that I would never ever love someone as much as I loved Azzaron - bless his soul - but I had to be strong. I had to fight, survive, win over the sorrow and darkness. For the kids.
For myself.
For us.

"Talking."
"Azarel Talking."

ooc: ;______;
word count: 2057
tagged: @[Destry] @[Circuta]