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02-05-2014, 07:52 PM
Hamaliel
i'm finally broken, falling too far
I can remember the beginning. My first breath was like a harsh wind being blown into my lungs. As I opened my eyes I could see the Father’s splendor before me. Even at my first glance of my creator I knew within my very essence, I was to be devoted solely to him. burned up in pieces from chasing your stars Unlike the masses, I don’t feel as though these caverns are a prison. They are a sanctuary and a place that radiates great age and mystery. This room I’ve stumbled upon is ancient. On the walls are painted symbols and I walk toward them and study intently. For a long while I try to decipher what precisely tales this room is trying to tell. In that moment I wish for my wings so I may fly up to the higher portions. With this longing comes the grief. My stomach churns and I can feel anger spark inside of me. Over the past few days I’ve found myself with my thoughts, which I have come to realize is dangerous. I just thought about what I could’ve done differently or what I did wrong. I couldn’t stop thinking about leaving this place behind and searching for answers or Samael. A sigh passes from my lips as I gaze up at the ceiling. “Why can’t I stop breaking?” I whisper to myself. “You know, I sacrificed everything for you. All I ever did was what you ordered. I gave up the most important individual other than you because it was commanded. I shed countless blood. In the end you reward my faithfulness with banishment. Maybe I’m starting to see what the other Fallen did.” Every word is muttered under my breath so no one else can ear. Each syllable slowly fills with more and more rage and even a bit of hatred lies there as well. For now I shove my pain away and return to the carvings on the wall. Slowly I reach out my muzzle and press the tip of my nose to the carving and trace the shape. After a few moments I pull away. Previous thoughts lurk in the back of my mind and I can hear them taunting me. They want me to press deeper and submerge into the bliss of certain memories. While others want to lure me in and leave my soul tormented with their bitter reminders. I don’t want to let either consume me, but in the end the darkness wins out and I can feel myself falling into the grasp of things shoved away. ”Lee, come with me! We can leave behind all the rules, regulations, everything and just be free!” “Samael… I-I… No, I can’t.” “Why? Why can’t you? Are you so devoted to that selfish ‘father’ of ours? He hasn’t done anything but order you to kill. I’m not the only one that has these plans… Abaddon is planning something. Raphael is even in on it!” “Raphael is power hungry and has been since his birth. Abaddon on the other hand has always just been a troublemaker. Why would you even think of trusting him? If it goes out of the Father’s will, it isn’t something we should be doing.” “Listen to yourself! All he has ever told you is that if he doesn’t say it’s so, then it’s wrong. How about us Lee? He hasn’t ever once said we were right. Does that mean we should split apart?” “No I-.. That’s completely different, don’t twist my words!” “No it isn’t, and I’ll tell you now Hamaliel, you’ll have to pick me or him.” “I shoud’ve picked you Samael,” I say louder than intended. [@[Hellä] first, then it's open I suppose.] |
