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04-28-2014, 12:24 AM
Ranjiri
"If you are weak then so are all the others who fell to the sickness." I had been so hard on myself for what I had done while the sickness had been in control I hadn't thought about anyone else who had suffered as I had. It only made me feel selfish and I began to cry harder, hiccuping and sobbing almost uncontrollably as he spoke of my family being weak for not trying to find me and console me. He didn't understand, though. I didn't want them to find me. I wanted to remain hidden for as long as I could because I'm just so ashamed of myself. But maybe he was right about one thing. Maybe they would know that it hadn't been me. Maybe they would know that I hadn't been able to control it and that the things I said weren't things that I wanted to say. I cannot, in all honesty, deny that I felt them and thought them at one point. It just took something taking over my body and mind for the ugliness to spill past my lips. I think what scares me the most is that daddy will understand that and that he'll be disappointed in me for even thinking it to myself. I continued to wipe my eyes on my forelegs as he answered my question and I'll admit that I felt shock at his confession. I lifted my head and looked at him from behind my gold tipped forelock as he explained that she'd been a winged spy from the Dragon's Throat. "My dad's the Sultan there." I whispered, wondering what would make him do something so terrible even if someone was spying. I had a hard time accepting that someone's life could be worth so little in the eyes of a stranger. I had an even harder time wrapping my mind around someone who was being so patient and kind doing something so ... cruel. "I see." My wings tightened against my side and I averted my gaze as my mind began to spin in a thousand different directions. I almost wished that he had lied to me instead of telling me the truth because no one else knew. Would I be a liability? A loose end that would need tying up. "She… she died, during the darkness. I saw it. I never got to say sorry." "You can still make amends." I finally met his gaze again and tried to appear grown, though my face was tear-stained like a child's. "You can always pray and ask for forgiveness. You made a mistake and mistakes can be forgotten. Forgive and forget, right?" I grew silent because at that point I could have slapped myself with my own wings. Forgive and forget. "I don't think you're as bad as you think you are." I whispered. "You're nice to me and I have wings." I chewed on my lip for a moment then braved another statement. "I think we're in the same situation. We need to forgive ourselves before we can expect anyone else to." @[Dragomir] "."  |
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