I was exhausted. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I was exhausted in every possible manner of being exhausted. The sun was out, it was supposed to be a new day but I was still repeating the same damn day over and over and over again. In fact the sun brought a new level to it. The blinding light was my bird's disappearance. Images of flames engulfing him, of his body suddenly vanishing in ash. It was all too much for what was left of my strength.

He was gone. I'd grieved, I knew he wasn't coming back but I couldn't fully accept it until I could say it outloud. In fact, all I could do was relive the nightmare of losing him and try and remember how to breathe with a broken heart.

The sweetness of a broken mind had me collapsing down by the river. My thoughts being drowned out by the sound of the waterfall, and as I closed my eyes soon my entire world was being drowned out as well. Peace. I finally felt some kind of peace in a place that used to bring me nothing but fear. I sprawled out upon my side, allowing my pelt to soak up the sun and for the mist of the waterfall to cling to my hide. A warmth and a coolness all at the same time. Comfort for a tattered soul.

To the on looker it would probably look as though I was dead, though. My breathing soft, barely a raise of my sides as I breathed in and out. The only signs of life were the gentle movement of the grass near my maw, which was sometimes hidden by the gentle breeze doing the same thing.

But, I was dead in all senses of the word. I was no longer mentally present. No. I was allowing a scarred mind to rest from the hand I had been dealt.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

Rasta was never truly out of Alleo's sight. The stallion took his promise to her seriously and often trailed at a great distance so she wouldn't notice him, but he watched her and he made sure no one ever posed a threat. After losing her during the mass exhodus of the caves he had become even more serious in his watchdog efforts. He moved quietly some distance away from Rasta's pale figure as the mare headed toward the waterfall. Why she wanted to go there he was unsure of mostly because he remembered her trying to drown him in the water when the Foothills had been the Foothills and not the Hidden Falls. He rolled his eyes at the name change of the land, but continued about his protective duties nonetheless.

Hooves planted firmly in the grass when Rasta went down near the edge of the water. Panic lanced his heart at first as he automatically assumed the worst had happened, but she made no call of distress. There was no flailing that was typical of a horse that went down and didn't want to. Perhaps she was as tired as he was and simply wanted to rest. So he stayed where he was and watched over her. Time ticked by and after what he felt enough had passed he approached, steps quiet and his breathing even moreso.

She looked so very peaceful and serene with her mane spread out in the grass and her face free of worry and anxiety. The stallion was put farther at ease by the gentle sway of the grass at her muzzle that he took, along with the rise and all of her sides of course, as her breath. His head rose and he glanced around the meadow and the different colored wildflowers that dotted the landscape. There was a gentle flick of his tail and he walked away.

Alleo's teeth snipped the stems of the wildflowers and one after one he gathered them. Yellow, pink, purple, orange, and blue. He carride them back to the sleeping mare and placed them on the ground near her so that he could weave them one at a time into the silken tresses of her mane while she slept. When he was done he touched his muzzle to her own muzzle and breathed softly. "Rasta..." He whispered her name and at the same time moved his muzzle to her ear to tickle it with his whiskers.

"."

Alleo

even when you're crying you're beautiful too
the world is beating you down, i'm around through every mood

There was a peace that seemed to settle over me as I lay there. No feelings, no world, no outside influences. All I could see were images of my old land. All I could hear were tunes from my childhood. It was a comfort, like comfort food. It was a sweet serenade that I hadn't been able to partake in in ages.

There is the gentle feeling of hooves on the ground near me, but the vibrations of the waterfall are too strong and I take them for my own mind playing tricks on me. If I was actually in danger I had no doubt that Alleo would have been here by now. And, while he cannot possibly understand how nice it is to drown out this world by simply losing all track of feeling, it is this place that comforts me the most.

I had no doubt that when I lost my sight again I'd be asking him to bring me back to these waterfalls to clear my mind of all the troubles. I trusted his steps almost as much as I trusted my own - and that was something I hadn't been gifted with in a while.

It is the feeling of a muzzle touching mine and the feeling of breath against my pelt that has my eyes opening. My name reaching my ear as he breathes against it. The flickering of lids and I finally manage to focus on his frame before pulling myself up onto my barrel and gently lipping at his coronet in a greeting, muscles that had been tense at first having relaxed now that I was certain it was him. There was a slow rocking motion as I pulled my bodice all the way to my hooves before starting to slip away from the fall itself.

Once I was certain I was a good distance I started to turn to face him, my gaze falling on the flowers that were now entwined in my tassels. The smile turning to a small line as I gave a snort. Really? My head tilts to the side. You know I don't deserve it. There was an overabundance of flowers in my mane now, almost like a pillow, and it was too much. A small sadness curls into my eyes and all I can do is shake my head. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I cannot bear to meet his gaze, so I lock it, instead, on the ground at his feet. I. Don't. Deserve. It.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

He took a step back as she began to rise to her feet and he was satisfied to see that the flowers remained in her mane instead of falling to the ground at her feet. He returned her smile, taking note of how her own faded when she took note of the flowers in her mane. There was a change in her eyes, sadness flooding in and taking away any joy that might have been there just moments before and it made him frown. The same thing had happened when he'd given her the glass hawk pendent that was clipped in her mane. They had damn near fallen apart in the aftermath of it and he'd come to an understanding that she felt she didn't deserve anything nice. She needed to come to an understanding, though, that she deserved every nice thing that he could do for her.

"Stop." His voice came out as a whisper as she shook her head, denying the small gift of flowers. And while he probably could have gone about giving them to her in a different manner he liked seeing them in her hair. They brought out her natural beauty and made her look like the earth's princess. "Don't shake your head." He reached out to touch his muzzle against her cheek. "Why do you do that?" He asked, though he knew she wouldn't be able to answer him and perhaps that was for the best because he could tell her what he thought without her interrupting him.

"Walk with me?" He turned and waited for Rasta to finally decide to come with him and when she did he walked toward the water. When he stopped the water lapped at his hooves and he stared down at their reflections in silence for several moments before finally speaking. "I don't think you see what I see." He said quietly, and he knew that she didn't see what he saw. She didn't see a strong, beautiful mare that was worth so much more than she gave herself credit for. "Do you want to know what I see?" He didn't wait for her to nod or shake her head and even if she would have signaled 'no' he would have said it anyway.

"I see a beautiful mare." He continued to stare down at her reflection. "I see a mare that is far too hard on herself and thinks far too little of herself. I see a mare who is worth more than the moon but denies it. I see a mare worthy of gifts, but turns them down. I see a mare who has been wronged many times before and is fearful of any kind gesture." He had spent far too much time observing her and forming his own opinions, but he felt that he was correct on more of them than he was incorrect. "I see a mare worthy of love. She just needs to accept it."

"."

Alleo

even when you're crying you're beautiful too
the world is beating you down, i'm around through every mood

As I shook my head I hear the word stop. Sad eyes cautiously pulling up to meet his gaze as he continued, telling me to not shake my head. His muzzle pressing up against my cheek before he asked why it was I did it. Slowly, I pressed my maw towards his eye, before shaking my head. One more shake and then a gentle tug on the amulet he gifted me. I don't get gifts. I don't deserve them... I think to myself, tears so close to coming to my orbs before I hear his voice again.

He asked me to walk with him, and he turned. Obligingly I moved with him, careful strides mimicking his steps before arriving at the water. He looks in at the reflection, and I only watched his movements as he did so until he said the he didn't think I saw what he saw. I close my eyes as he asks if I wanted to know what he saw, conflicting thoughts swirling around in my mind.

I'm not worth it. I don't know why you care so much. I'm broken. I'm ruined. Can't you see that? He didn't wait. Instead his voice moved on. A beautiful mare. Too hard on myself. Too little of myself. Afraid of every kind gesture. Worthy of gifts but turns them down. I can only shake my head, mind shattering at the words.

But I'm - I'm not... I'm breaking more. My hoof splashes into the water, distorting my reflection - making it look ruined, broken, battered. Exactly what I saw myself as - nothing. And, then with tears coming from the idea of how worthless I really was, it is all I can do to burrow my head up against his side and block out that image of myself. I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don't deserve any of the kind words he is saying. I just, I don't.

How? How I am worthy of it? I've never done anything. I can't be worthy of it - can I? Everything is twisting around. Nothing is making sense. I take in a deep breath and then glance back up to him. Again, I'm reaching for his eye, and then I shake my head. And then, I reach towards the top of his head - towards his mind. I-I don't know anymore. I don't know. God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just wished I could be normal for him. I wished I could be normal so he didn't have to go through this. But... I just didn't know how...

Please. Please don't hate me. I just don't know...

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

He was used to Rasta denying every positive thing he said about her, but it didn't make Alleo any less exasperated with her when she did it. He frowned as she struck the water and broke up her reflection so neither of them could see her, but it didn't work completely. He looked pointedly at Rasta even as she hid herself against his shoulder. "Hiding doesn't change the what I see." He murmured as he touched his muzzle to her neck. "And it doesn't change the truth." If only he could make her see and accept what he saw, but he knew it was a losing battle.

Its another game of charades, but Alleo is too tired to try and figure out what she was trying to tell him. He knew her well enough to know that she was denying everything that he said and he knew enough to guess that it was because of something that happened to her in the past. Part of him wanted to shake some sense into her and tell her over and over again that she was worth more than she thought she was, but it would be pointless. He would only scare her or hurt her and he'd never forgive himself if her did.

"I don't know what happened to you in the past." He spoke quietly so only she would be able to hear him. "But the past is the past. There's nothing you can do to change what happened but you can strive for a better future." "With me." He swallowed touched his muzzle to her neck again, his eyes closing as he sighed. How many times had she been hurt before? He wished again that she was able to talk to him so he wouldn't have to try and guess at what she was thinking and what her past was. "You've been hurt a lot, haven't you?" He didn't wait for her to answer his question. "I'm not like any of them... you know that. Don't let what they did keep hurting you now. Don't give them what they want. Be happy."

"."

Alleo

even when you're crying you're beautiful too
the world is beating you down, i'm around through every mood

He says it doesn't change what he sees. He says it doesn't change the truth. But hiding does change things. Hiding is what has broken me. Hiding away from the world from fear had broken me. Then, when I'd returned far more numb than before I'd learned how to hide all the feelings. It had been a safeguard. I still felt - I was still motherly towards those who were young, but I'd learned to refuse to show those who were hurting me that I was in pain. But it was this wall that had taken the abuse that had started to break me down. Without my companion here as the intermediate to remind me not to pay attention to the pain (whether it be emotional or physical) it was easier for my wall to be broken down.

Only two tears manage to fall before I force the rest of them to stop, choking on them instead of allowing them to flow freely. I will be strong, I had to keep reminding myself of that because I had been failing as of these past few seasons. Broken more than ever with the knowledge of the death of my companion actually upon my mind.

His maw is against my neck, a steadying source for my mind to concentrate upon as I pushed out all the memories that had been starting to flood in. Those of being kicked when pinned against the wall with no escape. Those of the tree falling on my back and the stag near me being slow to remove it in order to torture me more. The near drownings when they didn't want to warn me I was too close as I struggled for my surroundings when near a waterfall or in a storm. I had to push them all away. I had to be present, for Alleo if nothing else.

When my mind fully returns I realize that I had missed part of what he had been saying -only catching "you can strive for a better future," and then feeling his muzzle pressing up against my neck again and the warmth of his sigh against my skin. I don't know how... not anymore... I think to myself - harks becoming intent as I hear his voice again.

A nod of my head in response - ,yes - though he hadn't waited for it. He wanted me to be happy - so that those who had hurt me didn't win. But I didn't know how. I didn't know what 'happy' was anymore. On occasion I thought I was, but it was always a fleeting feeling. I'd tried so many times - I had.However, I'd never felt like I belonged anywhere - at least not until he had come along, and even then it was only when I was right beside him. I'd always felt like I had to be strong, pretend like I was okay, and compartmentalize all that had happened to me. I didn't know how else to live, how else to go on.

There is a weak sniffle, breath shaky as I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. I don't know how anymore... Pleading eyes peer up towards his, I don't know how to be happy...

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you