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04-28-2014, 10:48 PM
As I shook my head I hear the word stop. Sad eyes cautiously pulling up to meet his gaze as he continued, telling me to not shake my head. His muzzle pressing up against my cheek before he asked why it was I did it. Slowly, I pressed my maw towards his eye, before shaking my head. One more shake and then a gentle tug on the amulet he gifted me. I don't get gifts. I don't deserve them... I think to myself, tears so close to coming to my orbs before I hear his voice again.
He asked me to walk with him, and he turned. Obligingly I moved with him, careful strides mimicking his steps before arriving at the water. He looks in at the reflection, and I only watched his movements as he did so until he said the he didn't think I saw what he saw. I close my eyes as he asks if I wanted to know what he saw, conflicting thoughts swirling around in my mind. I'm not worth it. I don't know why you care so much. I'm broken. I'm ruined. Can't you see that? He didn't wait. Instead his voice moved on. A beautiful mare. Too hard on myself. Too little of myself. Afraid of every kind gesture. Worthy of gifts but turns them down. I can only shake my head, mind shattering at the words. But I'm - I'm not... I'm breaking more. My hoof splashes into the water, distorting my reflection - making it look ruined, broken, battered. Exactly what I saw myself as - nothing. And, then with tears coming from the idea of how worthless I really was, it is all I can do to burrow my head up against his side and block out that image of myself. I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don't deserve any of the kind words he is saying. I just, I don't. How? How I am worthy of it? I've never done anything. I can't be worthy of it - can I? Everything is twisting around. Nothing is making sense. I take in a deep breath and then glance back up to him. Again, I'm reaching for his eye, and then I shake my head. And then, I reach towards the top of his head - towards his mind. I-I don't know anymore. I don't know. God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just wished I could be normal for him. I wished I could be normal so he didn't have to go through this. But... I just didn't know how... Please. Please don't hate me. I just don't know... Rasta you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you |
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Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say
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Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say
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