Was he gone? Yes, he was. Azarel had gone after his sister. I just needed some time on my own to figure out what the fuck my life was. Was I a bad mother? Did I really deserve to be a part of the herd? All the thoughts in my head... Doubt. Disappointment. Fury. But for what? Was I mad at Azzaron, because he had disappeared without a trace and then showed up dying? Was I furious because he hadn't shown interest in his own son? I knew that he had cared about Destry. That filly alone... Oh, she had been through too much and it was my fault. It all was my fault in the end.

I was the wrong one. I was the bad parent. And yet I wanted MORE children that I could neglect and let it raise itself basically. My son had only been raised by me because of his determination to stay by my side all the time and see what that ended in? Fighting at the age of six months, barely surviving because of my choices. I didn't deserve kids. Maybe that's why I couldn't get pregnant all those years ago? The Gods we didn't believe in had seen I wouldn't be a good mother, so they never let me become pregnant.
Where are you? I didn't reply. I needed to be ALONE. Tears were running down my cheeks and I tossed my head slowly from side to side, gently swaying my whole body. I was mad. Crazy mad. I.. I... WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!
Why did I neglect my children? WHY did I push away those whom I loved and shield myself from everyone around me?

And then I did something that somehow made me relax slightly. I screamed. Just a scream from the top of my lungs, until I was out of breath and slowly sunk to the ground. Then there was no more sound, except for quiet little hiccup noises as I sobbed. I still rocked my body, but my gaze was fixed on the ground as tears ran down my cheeks. Why was I still alive? So many others that had died deserved to be alive, but out of all those - I was the one who had been punished with life.

"Talking"
Delinne's thoughts
Dezba's thoughts

ooc // Delinne had a slight panic attack.. It is nighttime by the way, the stars are out but there's only a slight crescent moon. This is also the thread where Krieger and Delinne conceives their baby 8D
word count // 382
tags // @[Krieger]

I should've killed myself after the Battle. Why didn't I do that? Everything would've been at peace and... The sound of another's breath made me freeze, staring with wide-open eyes at the ground. My left ear twitched and I slowly looked up, seeing massive black hooves surrounded by grass. The further up my gaze came, the more my ears turned backward and finally they were close to my poll, pressing tightly against the golden feathers. The beast's massive, white body stood right before me and I felt his bright gaze push me down, yet I stared right into them. "You." It was only a whisper but it could might as well have been a scream. I gathered my frozen limbs and stood up while backing away, almost tumbling down again. Krieger was covered in wounds, just like I had been a season ago, and there was undried blood in some of them. Newly made?

"Leave me alone." It felt like the beast wasn't going to listen anyways so I started to back away even more until I was maybe five steps away from him. Mother, where are you?! The jaguar screamed in my head - she must feel my panic. But I still wanted to be alone. I wanted to be ALONE with my thoughts. My... Very doubtful, furious thoughts that made me sad and worried and just angry at the same time. I just wanted to be alone. "Why are you here? You of all horses." I tried to make myself sound threatening, but the hiccups from sobbing still haunted my voice and just made me sound like a filly who had been rejected by the love of her life. When did I become so pathetic?

"Talking"
Delinne's thoughts
Dezba's thoughts

ooc // so short but hopefully enough
word count // 286
tags // @[Krieger]