Aurelia
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

"aurelia talk"
He talks to me. He tells me what I assume is everything, and I try hard to hold down a squeal. Will he trust me enough to do other things? No, probably not. As revealed from his story, he is double my age, perhaps triple now. I do not care if he is older. I just want him, but he holds me back. He doesn't let me touch him. He doesn't let me feel his fur. He doesn't let me do anything. Well, he lets me look and talk to him, but I feel alive when touching him. A deep feeling in my lower region stirs and I know this feeling too well. Too well from Gaucho. Then Gaucho left. Where has the asshole been? Gone.

"I've tried to love and realized it is not a thing I have a say in, and I've fallen in love with what should've been my greatest enemy." Ew. Ew. EWEWEW. Yes, ew. Ew him loving another mare that isn't me. How dare he. Rude little bitch. He continues by saying he doesn't have a say. Well I say, fuck that. You can't love someone who is dead, so if he felt so bad for loving this mare, he could've murdered her. He admitted he's done it before, or at least threatened too. As he continues, I feel more alike to him.

Once he finished, he takes a pause, and during this pause.. I kind of just stare at him in an unintentionally rude way. I don't know how to act. I should be scared, but I'm allured-- drawn to him. I crave his touch, but this is something I can't have-- and I'm having withdrawals. This new addiction. This temporary addiction. This addiction to him. To his touch, his smell, his presence. He is a wild deer, pristine and elegant, but I'm the poacher, here to take what is mine. I have my sights set on this little deer, and I do aim to poach.

He finishes by saying we feel the same, kinda? "We may both be burdened but our burdens are different. You have mares... like ME" I say me rather abruptly and loudly and as I resume, my voice is marginally quieter. "Throwing themselves at you, confessing their attraction.. Now me.. I don't have that problem. In no one, but you, likes me. I don't have a horn to threaten horses with. I can't bring myself to murder. I can't even look at my children. And obviously, I can't fall in love correctly either. You-- you have the power, the will to do things. I don't. I can't even commit suicide properly, so... yea, I pretty much can't do anything correctly. If you know that I can't see a future for myself, why do you let me live? Why do you let me achieve nothing? Living is nothing. It's all putrid. Yes, I hurt and I ache, but everyone does. I just ache and hurt about everything, when in reality I'm a huge baby. I cry, I laugh, I sleep, I dance, I play, I'm serious, but like a baby.. I don't have control over myself." Word soup. With a long sigh (yea, another one), I notice Mauja looking upwards. I shake my head, almost disappointed in him.

"You won't find anything up there but space and the balls of gas that occupy it-- their flame longer and brighter than mine." Those stars, they have the star next to them to talk to. They burn brightly together, but me.. No one can I burn next to. If I burn next to Mauja, I'll melt him, for at this point-- all he is, is ice. I can't burn brightly next to such an overpowering happiness like Kahlua. She wouldn't understand my sadness. I could burn next to Slaiter, but he tries to touch my flames. He tries to burn. He thinks I'm an angel, so I can't be with him. No one just takes my how I am. They always want to change something. They always want me to be different. Well, damn it. I'm not different.

I'm Aurelia.