the Rift


{|| Sound the War Drums ||} OOC Spar w/ Gaucho
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#4


.....





GAUCHO

I'M THE END OF A HITCHCOCK MOVIE
A LITTLE DARK AND A LOT CONFUSING.




As Gaucho's formidable hind-end swung around, he was graced with precisely the sight he had been longing to see: a rainbow on fire. He hadn't seen her rise above the flames, but he had heard the scream she emitted, which caused the dun to grin childishly. It delighted him to see the beautiful creature burn by his own doing. Not because he enjoyed seeing her in pain of course, but because he knew that she was a capable warrioress, despite her fancy dress. He knew the frustration, the anger - the humiliation - that cycled through her veins, and it was this appreciation that fueled his amusement. She was like him, from years gone by. Graceful, strong, but impatient. Her decision to rush at him, unaided by magic and flight when he would surely use both, was deserving of the charred, water-logged state that she has been reduced to.

His stormy gaze watched with a masculine interest, as her moss painted rump emerged from the water. The way her coat fused together under the heat of his flames almost made it appear shiny - plasticy perhaps - and the desire to see how it felt beneath his forelegs was like palpable bubble in his throat. His gaze fell to the pink of her belly, vivaciously shaped by toned muscle, and then to her striped legs, which now pulled her from the embrace of the waters. Gaucho grunted with an impatience fueled now more by lust, rather than anticipation of battle, as his stormy gaze sought out the sunset colours of her eyes. His nostrils flared, taking in her scent as well as her tantalizing appearance. She was like a cobra - or some similar predator - who used their appearance to distract their prey. Luckily for Gaucho, who did like fighting more than sex, her physical distraction only went so far. For now anyways.

As her muscles coiled beneath her dazzling coat indicating that she was dry enough to strike again, Gaucho's smirk of amusement widened. Had the rainbow bird not learned her lesson the last time? At least she would use her wings this time - but had she so quickly forgotten the flames that lingered on his wings? Little bird, if you play with fire, you'll wind up burned. Then again, perhaps she liked the pain. Something told him that were the Sun God able to see the way in which Gaucho now used the gifts given to him, he would be amused. The God was vain, and would likely scoff at the array of colours that the mare was painted with. Gaucho was sure the God would be amused by her charred hide as well.

Shifting his weight, Gaucho began to move forwards. Sensing the plan budding in her bonded's mind, Mara hissed with laughter, as she delicately bit the tip of Gaucho's black ear. A single bead of blood emerged, hardly visible beneath the dark hairs, but it was enough to stir the magic within his veins. From his antlers, smoke began to pour, igniting once it was about a foot from his rack. The flames began to grow, and finally separate into two massive winged forms. The creatures appeared like giant eagles - nearly the size of a horse, each. Their flaming wings beat and rose above Gaucho, moving in tandem towards Bellona's figure. One aimed for her belly - as she appeared to be aimed as if to strike from above on Gaucho. The other lingered back, defensively blocking the path to Gaucho - who was casually cantering forward and away from the trio of birds.

Mara watched, unsure what the mare would do. Likely she would not fly into the flaming eagles, lest she risk burning herself again. Though, even if she did, she would find only moss beneath her.

"Why over there?" He called teasingly, as he arrived at the spot where she had pulled herself from the pool. Snorting, he dipped his head, Gaucho plucked one of her fallen feathers from the water. His dark lips wrapped around it, as he tossed his antlered skull. The feather tasted just as you would suspect - although maybe a little more smokey given it's firey expulsion from her wither. It was not sweet as he had originally supposed, but that did not mean that the rest of her wasn't. Opening his flaming-tipped wings, Gaucho danced in place next to the pool. This game was getting old. His magic had placed him at a serious advantage, but had succeeded in draining the fun out of the spar. They say the fun is in the chase, but there can be no chase between a rabbit and a tortoise.

"Come on then." He called, planting his dark hooves firmly into the moss. "Gaucho won't move."






WC: 799
Attack: 2/4


Teaching Notes

Let me just say that this post was beautifully written. One thing that needs to be balanced when writing spar/challenge posts, is informative action vs. actual writing. I think you do an amazing job of this. I understand her emotions, her actions, her attacks, and her positioning, without feeling like you're artificially slipping things in there, just for points. Everything flows together flawlessly, and I didn't find that I needed to re-read anything to understand what was happening. This was a really excellent post.

  • AMG. I drool all over lines like this, Disgusted with her failure, anger begins to coat the walls of her architecture like an ugly paint, but there is no time to reprimand herself.
  • Taking Damage: I think you did a good job here. You received 13.5 pts of damage from Gaucho, which, without getting a critical hit, is the most damage that he can do. So you should keep in mind, that every bit of damage you receive from him that is rolled lower than 13.5, needs to be proportionately less to the damage you just took. The description of her flying into the water to put out the flames was fantastic.
  • You spent quite a bit of time having her wade out of the water, shake herself off, turn to look at him, and then attack. I think all of that was very realistic, but there's nothing to stop me from saying that Gaucho used his magic again to shoot a blast at her, which, given that you've already written her as standing there, forces her to take it. Here's one thing I've learned about sparring that can help make things less complicated - try to avoid long pauses where your character isn't interacting with your opponent. In this case, as I said, if Gaucho attacks, in your next post you can't change what you already did. But it would likely be very out of character for Bellona to just...stand there, trying to get dry while Gaucho is obviously attacking. Another place to limit over-writing, is at the end of an attack, for the same reason. Once you've attack, it's usually best to not write too far ahead, because it gets you into the same sticky situation if your opponent doesn't react the way you'd expect. I think you did that very well in this post - you have her attack and then don't stipulate what happens next, so that you can react in your next post.

Ughhhhhhhhhhh. Bad luck that her attack missed again :| That sucks. It makes things less fun for both of us. Lame.

TAG: Bellona | # 800 | Notes OOC Spar with Teaching Notes.

FOXX

Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.



Messages In This Thread
RE: {|| Sound the War Drums ||} OOC Spar w/ Gaucho - by Gaucho - 06-18-2014, 03:27 PM

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