the Rift


[JUDGED] Harlots and drunkards [Cirrus, Rosti teaching spar]

Rostislav Posts: 245
Hidden Account atk: 4.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 7
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 7 (Frostfall) HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Damaris :: Common Hellhound :: Acid Lauren
#1
Rostislav

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that her reaction is less than savory. If I was a pretty lady and someone called me a harlot, I wouldn't be too pleased either. Her anger radiates outward and I feel the rain start to fall harder on our pelts. Instead of the dappling that had been appearing on my dusty hide before, I now feel myself becoming much more saturated with the sky's tears. Or are they her tears? I'm starting to learn that this mare is somehow altering the weather, but I don't think 'tears' would be an accurate description of her countenance now. Fury shown in her electric blue eyes, and I pin my ears back against my skull. Though I meant only to sass her with my words, she has apparently taken them as a challenge, and may be ready to castrate me. My arousal that had just been so prominent retreats back toward my groin. That's certainly not a pleasant thought.

The rain falls harder and I look at the sky, expecting thunder and lightning at any moment. I look back at her, and her hide has turned terribly dark, reflecting the sky above. I wonder if she even realizes it. I look down at Damaris. The black and neon green hellhound's hackles are raised, her ears pinned back. She doesn't like me being threatened, and though I appreciate her concern, she is too young to do anything about it. I speak to her in my mind, hoping she will hear the emotion and do as I say. 'Stay back, Damaris. I do not want you to get hurt.' She looks up at me and whines, displeased that I am making her sit this out. I look down at her, my face showing my resolve. She turns her snout toward the Sky-Lady and growls one last time before turning her tail and retreating from us.

I turn my attention back to the increasing ball of fury in front of me. I'm tired of the drama that mares seem to bring and toss around, and as soon as this one turned on me, I was no longer in the mood to humor her. Whatever her name is. I pin my ears again and bare my teeth. I was not interested in fighting this mare, but now I'm not sure I have a choice. Not to mention, I'm concerned that her interest in Damaris is not a passing fancy. The clouds overhead have gathered so tight you can barely tell the time of day. The light that passes through is just enough to illuminate our forms, and were we not about to fight, I would say that it's a Kodak moment. My two-toned mane sticks to my neck, and I realize that we are both now totally soaked.

I lunge forward, playing no games, putting on no fronts as I move toward her in my first attack. I stay on the ground, protecting my rotund belly, and my hooves slide on the softening ground. I will have to be careful in my steps. My teeth are bared, reeking of the vodka that I drink throughout most of the day, and I seek any part of her face or throat that she leaves exposed to me. If I manage to tear off any hair, skin - anything, really - it's her own damn fault. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll stab her with the dragon-like spikes that decorate the center of my face. As I approach the spot where she most recently was, I think to myself that it's like trying to destroy or poke holes in clouds. What a strange notion....

I clamp my jaws down on whatever I can reach, whether it be flesh, bone, or air. I shake my head vigorously, blinking furiously to keep the rain out of my eyes. I feel all the frustration from Aurelia and other crazy mares (well really, just Aurelia and this one) boiling inside me, and I realize I'm taking out my rage on this poor thing. But really, how much should I pity her? She tried to play me for a fool, and this just happens to be the result. I'm sure she'll understand.

Walk. Talk.

Tag: @[Cirrus]
WC: 701
Dice Roll: Here
Attack: [1,3]
OOC: Picking up from our thread in Thistle Meadow. This is an OOC teaching spar. Includes magic but no companions. Rosti is lunging for Cirrus's face and throat and grabbing on with his teeth to whatever he can reach. He is also trying to use his face spikes to scrape against her.

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*You may do anything you wish with Rostislav excluding dismemberment and death.

Cirrus Posts: 233
Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.1 :: 8 HP: 69 | Buff: SWIFT
Whit
#2
Into this world we're thrown

My ears are down low, pressed against my damp nape, entangled amongst the thick, unyielding ropes of dreadlocked mane. The action helps me block out my surrounds, it allows me to focus solely on him. The stallion, the draft mutt that I had so easily manipulated, becomes the centre of my world, everything else just becomes a blur of background noise. We stand roughly facing each other, a few paces between us, and as my question's echo fades into nothingness, I feel the nerve endings of my body stand on end, awaiting a response.

I had gotten a sick satisfaction before when I had seduced this stallion into thinking he could have his way with me. It is with even further satisfaction that I watch as his muscles tense, as the weight of whatever thoughts are on his mind condense, as his teeth grind and eventually flash at me. A smirk that contains no laughter behind it pulls at one corner of my mouth, as I relish in my ability to get exactly what I want from this steed.

Electric eyes watch the hellhound retreat, and I am pulled from my analysis of the steed for a moment as a low growl is sent my way. I don't know what I expected, truly, but as she leaves, I am reminded of you, your death, the feeling of my soul being ripped from my core as your own departed this dimension. I want her to stop leaving, to make her turn and come back, to make her stand by my side. I yearn to feel her soul, to revel in the sensation of another's inner workings becoming entwined with my own. I watch as she leaves, ignorant to the stained teeth and reeking breath being tossed in my direction - which I was foolish to miss, I'll admit. I even lift my ears slightly, my tiara lowered, my right foreleg raised as if to follow the pup - which is when he hits me.

'He' being Rosticlav, the bulky, surprisingly strong and co-ordinated stallion I had successfully enraged enough to battle. Shock was my initial reaction, as his hardened muzzle grazes up my left mandible, leaving behind a string of ragged flesh in its wake, a haphazard line that follows a path starting at the base and leading up to my brow. Suddenly I am blinded in my left eye, as metallic, coppery life-liquid drips from my brow and clogs around my eyelashes. My head tilts automatically downwards, the ache causing me to grind my teeth and shut my eyes. But he hasn't stopped, and I suddenly my left ear feels like it is on fire too.

I won't be getting distracted again in a hurry.

It is strange, uniquely thrilling and horrific, having your ear be almost swallowed by a stinking, deplorable drunk. Rosticlav seems to think he is some kind of crocodilian creature now, as his neck tenses and pulls rapidly to and fro, I feel like my ear is about to depart on a one-way trip away from my skull. By some miracle, however, it sticks. My skin splits at the base of my ear, and I feel that odd, disturbing sensation of blood dribbling out once more, probably painting a charming crimson path down the ridge of my nose.

The rain seems to only be getting more determined to hang around, and that helps me in this instance. It has given my skin less traction against would-be attacker's teeth, and I feel my freshly spilled blood combine with my already damp ear, and the stallion's saliva (what a disgusting thought), and eventually slip off mid-shake. I stumble away, my haunches bunching to gather my hooves beneath me, but the rain has also made the ground that dangerous, slippery and muddy texture, and I find myself unwillingly sliding as I attempt to pull away from this steed. I blink, rapidly, moving to shake my head before getting halfway through the motion and deciding against it - fuck that hurts. But, I would not be hurt any more, I resolved. I keep trying to turn away, spinning on my haunches, towards my right. My left wing is open, and with any luck, the hard edge of would bash the drunkard over his head on its way past. And if not, I pause dizzily in my spinning (having turned almost 180 degrees), and throw all my weight forward.

Traction is loose beneath my forefeet as I lift my hind legs and strike out, hoping the stallion is still within range, praying that I feel the shuddering halt of my motion clashing against his bulky form.



Tag: @[Rosticlav]
WordCount: 775 (according to MS Word)
Attack: 1/3
Will post my OOC tips in a new table below C:



C I R R U S
RIDERS ON THE_ S T O R M

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Whit's Teaching Tips of Doom

Okay! First off, I want to say, I love this post! I can clearly see where you took my advice from the PM I sent you originally. You effectively incorporated the environment, your opponent, your companion nicely!

All right, so, I'll go through this one paragraph at a time, so that I don't miss anything :)

#1 - I LOVE the analogy of the rain being Cirrus' tears. This imagery made me smile a big huge dumb smile, lol. I also love Rosti's mention of his arousal, and how it disappears pretty quick when faced with cranky Cirrus xD. Not much to mention on this para, it is a lovely opening, giving us an insight into how Rosti is feeling and how his temper builds towards attacking Cirrus.

#2 - Be careful when describing the rain getting harder, as at this stage the weather is mostly defined by our previous thread, where it was just picking up be a steady rainfall. Rosti is a little bit at the mercy of Cirrus' magic, he can only really go with it and describe what she has decided to allow happen.
I love his interaction with his companion, it's really lovely <3 Perfect IC excuse not to use companions in this spar, too ^^

#3 - Again, be careful when describing the weather, but I really do like the picture you have painted here. The Kodak moment comment made me laugh, and really I just how throughout your post so far I can really feel Rosti present. Great stuff.

#4 - Okay, now we're at the business end of the post. Attacks! So, he lunges forward for her, trying to bite at whatever Cirrus has exposed - great description, containing no powerplaying at all, I love it.
The only thing about this whole paragraph that gets me is the order you mention your attacks in. Now, Cirrus rolled a critical hit, so I had her take on damage from everything you mentioned Rosti was attacking with, both his dragon-horns and his bite. I interpretted your attack to mean that as he lunged forward he tried to rub his horns along her as he then reached with his teeth. But in your post, you mention his teeth first, so I'm thinking, okay, he's about to bite! But then you throw in a sentence about his horns, and I'm like, but what happened to his teeth?! But then his teeth come back and we're all good again. So, in my revision of this post, I would have gone back and maybe switched sentences around a little bit, to have it so that he CLEARLY tries to stab with his horns first, then bite with his teeth. So it would read something more like:

"...I lunge forward, playing no games, putting on no fronts as I move toward her in my first attack. I stay on the ground, protecting my rotund belly, and my hooves slide on the softening ground. I will have to be careful in my steps. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll stab her with the dragon-like spikes that decorate the center of my face. As I approach the spot where she most recently was, I think to myself that it's like trying to destroy or poke holes in clouds. What a strange notion. My teeth are bared, reeking of the vodka that I drink throughout most of the day, and I seek any part of her face or throat that she leaves exposed to me. If I manage to tear off any hair, skin - anything, really - it's her own damn fault.

I clamp my jaws down on whatever I can reach, whether it be flesh, bone, or air. I shake my head vigorously, blinking furiously to keep the rain out of my eyes…" etc etc.

Just a subtle shuffling of words that will help with the flow and continuity of your post.
Also, I do love his imagery of poking clouds xD Haha.

#5 - A great closing para, you remind us again of his reason for fighting (angry Rosti rawr!) Not much to mention for this one specifically, it's a nice well-rounded conclusion to your opening spar post.



OVERALL you did fantastic. Something to keep your mind on for your future replies are to remember to mention Cirrus a bit more physically - you humorously compare her to clouds and draw on lovely analogies, but we ARE in a spar, remember, Rosti will also be looking at her, how she moves, her WINGS, and her position compared to him. Also mention that Rosti himself is a big heavy steed, capable of defeating Cirrus just by sitting on her (if he could catch her! Lol)! Has Rosti ever fought before, and does that fight compare to this one? Has Rosti ever had the worry of a companion/loved one humming at the back of his mind constantly, potentially distracting him from what he's doing? Has he ever fought a pegasus before, or just other unicorns/equines? You've already mentioned the wet weather and how he'll have to be careful in the future - make sure you follow through with this, and keep him true to his initial convictions.

Okay, I think I've done enough rambling for now, carry on! :D
bg - table
as changing as unforgiving as the wind, as bitter and chilling as the cold, as warm and deadly as the heat


  • I enjoy being tagged.


  • please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts
    I write what I feel at the time
    and hope everyone else does the same c:


    Rostislav Posts: 245
    Hidden Account atk: 4.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 7
    Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 7 (Frostfall) HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
    Damaris :: Common Hellhound :: Acid Lauren
    #3
    Rostislav

    There is a sweet satisfaction that comes with injuring another living creature. Something that is almost indescribable, except to those that really know it - the true sadists. If you're a sadist, you know this feeling and you revel in it, absorbing it like parched soil absorbs a torrential rainfall. A smirk spreads over my visage, pulling slowly at the corners of my mouth. I can't help myself - I wanted to hurt this moody mare, and I succeeded. It's like a high, knowing that my bulk did some good for once. The satisfaction is sweet as my face spikes pull away at the pretty skin on her cheek, up and up to her brow, up to her ear. When I reach that delicate lobe my teeth are bared and ready. These chompers of mine, not so pretty to start with anyway, turn red with the blood of my opponent. The left side of the lady's crown will no longer be quite as lovely as the right side. Hopefully asymmetry is not something she minds. What can I say? I'm helping to create a beautiful new work of art. Her coppery blood fills my mouth, and it dribbles down my tongue, down my throat. What a strange sensation.... The blood does not take its time in running down her brow, down into her eyes. My grip on her ear is enough to cause damage, but I can't hold on for too long - the rain overpowers my mortal forces. I start to pull back, a bit of the mare's flesh hanging from my uppermost spike. After a moment, the rain helps it slide off and fall to the ground. I cock my head so I can see it on the ground, and I think to myself, 'That's actually... really disgusting.'

    And it's a distraction. As great as my attack my have been, the same cannot be said for my defense. This moment of distraction is just enough that the Sky Lady is free to attack me as she will. She comes at me hard, and who can blame her? I just took a fair chunk from her. She spins, and I see it with my peripheral vision, still focused on the flesh lying on the muddying ground. As I turn all my attention back on her, her left wing clips the top of my head, knocking me. I shake my head, feeling a headache coming on. But what's the real kicker is the knock seriously painful thrust of her hind hooves against my breast. I would have screeched, "MOTHERFUCKER!" Nothing comes out except a wisp of air that was stuck in my nearly empty lungs as she catches me in an exhalation. The pain is strong: her hooves have re-bruised a tender area from the last spar I had with Elsa. That bruise was bad enough, but this one definitely has more power, being delivered with hind instead of front legs. Her weight slamming into me sends me backward, grasping for traction in the field. I squint my eyes in pain and groan loudly as I begin to catch my breath again. It hurts, but I don't think anything is broken.

    This is no time for whining like a baby. I lift my head and get an eyeful. She's stocky like me, but more warmblood than I am: she'll be faster than I. We're of equal height, which amuses me - I find that I'm a little short next to most. I take just a moment to ponder what my next attack is. I feel Damaris encouraging me in my mind, and I start to picture a narrowed-in view of Sky Lady's flank. Did I conjure that myself, or... Is it possible that Damaris is trying to send me images or suggestions? Sky Lady's rear is already facing me. I take one.. two steps forward and lift my body into the air - oh how my chest aches! I bring the weight of my body down through my front hooves, hoping that they will cut the skin or break her hips. That is, of course, provided that she doesn't see me coming and dodge out of the way. Perhaps if I can't cut her skin or break any bones, maybe I can at least leave a deep bruise?

    As I land post-attack, my hooves squelch in the ground. I shake my head, trying to rid my face of the matted down hair. I try to take a deep breath, but my chest is too tender. I feel anger rise in me - how insulting to be wounded in the same place in consecutive fights! Instead of exploding with rage, I must focus that emotional energy on the.. owwww... yeah, that. Fucking chest. I'm going to be nursing this one awhile.

    Walk. Talk.

    Tag: @[Cirrus]
    WC: 794
    Attack: [2/3]
    OOC: Got bumped by her wing, but not severely. Took her hit to his chest very hard. Stayed upright but is tender in his chest. Attacks her hindquarters straight on by rearing and coming down, attempting to break something if possible, more likely deep tissue bruising.
    (Initial post was 841 words! I feel like a champ.)

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    *You may do anything you wish with Rostislav excluding dismemberment and death.

    Cirrus Posts: 233
    Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
    Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.1 :: 8 HP: 69 | Buff: SWIFT
    Whit
    #4
    Into this world we're thrown

    Head pounding to the beat of my working heart, I find myself grinding my molars together with the concentration of simply keeping my balance. Getting bashed over the eye and having one's ear gnawed on didn't exactly make for an ideal start to a brawl, though I would give Rostislav points for landing a hit.

    My wing thwaps against his crown as I spin about, the hard edge of it aching from the impact. I was fortunate that it smacked against something that was able to bend away, for had it struck anything harder and I belatedly think of how a simple fracture could have formed and grounded me - my worst nightmare. Through the fog of pain that clouds my head, I try to remember to keep my wings away from the fight, and I lift them high now, still open, but held almost vertically up from their joints at my shoulders. My muzzle dips lows as my hinds strike out, the mud not far from the blood-drenched curves of my façade, and I groan as the blood stings my left eye. I blink, rapidly, even as my solid hooves shudder against the pectoral region of Rostislav. The motion tipped me even further forward, and given my compromised, aching crown, I scrambled to regain my balance afterwards. A small part of me felt grim satisfaction at my successful attempt, but mostly I am simply trying not to fall down in the aftermath.

    I continue to push my hips around to the left, lifting my cranium back to a level just above my withers, tilting it so that my right eye, currently the only one unhindered by blood and sticky forelock, obtains insight into the position of Rostislav. I am unnerved slightly by what I see, for when he stands up on his back legs like that, a fear, swift like a flash of lightning, cuts through me - what if he means to take me, to force me? My resolve soon floods me once more, and even as the steed comes down at me with his broad, flat hooves, I feel my determination rise within me once more - I will not be beaten.

    I dart forward, hoping to miss the flailing of his hooves altogether, but I am held back by the terrain that my own magic helped create. My own hooves argue with the slick mud, even as the sun glints through the sheets of rain - my magic lost its grip on the rainfall minutes ago, now it was slowly being burnt off by the scorching TallSun heat, leaving in its wake thick, gluggy mud underfoot, and rain that had changed from a downpour to a mere, sprinkling, sunshower. Patches of my own coat that weren't darkened by mud and wet reflected the scene, which was probably quite picturesque - if one ignored the two souls attempting to tear each other apart in the middle of it. I try again, and again, to drag myself forward, grunting in pain as he crashes down upon me. It mostly smashes against my right hip, and I am fortunate that my right hock was cocked at the time, allowing the impact to shudder more easily down the entire limb, instead of the much more devastating situation of having my pelvis take all of the impact, and likely fracture as a result. A sharp stinging follows the trail of his hoof as it cuts through my flesh, reaching from the point of my hip down about the width of a hoof. It is not deep, but I wince as a small flap of skin forms and fills with rain and muck, making it feel a lot worse than it actually is.

    Reluctance to further compromise my right hind leg prevents me from utilising the small gap between our bodies and filling it with another assault from my hind hooves. Instead, I continue to push myself forward and around to my right, hoping to swing myself enough around so that I am lined up perpendicularly to Rostislav's right side. I do not rear, for I have no desire to expose my stomach to his horned head, but instead snake out my teeth, aiming for the fleshy, cresty area of his nape. As this happens, my right foreleg makes to strike out, hoping to entangle his foreleg in with my own, perhaps forcing him into a bow, or even bang a fracture into the cannon bone of his nearest (right) foreleg. With my vision the way it is, however, I think I would be lucky to be able to discern the dark roaned brute from the surrounding mud and grime - I know I am at a disadvantage, but I just pray that he is as restricted by injury as I am.



    [ Tag: @[Rostislav]
    WordCount: 800 (MS Word)
    Attack: 2/3 ]



    C I R R U S
    RIDERS ON THE_ S T O R M

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    Whit's Teaching Tips of Doom

    Overall, another really great job. Once again I'll go into detail on each paragraph. :)

    #1 - Rosti is so nasty! I love how much of his personality we get to see here, his sick satisfaction, right through to his disgust at her flesh.
    Only things I can pick on here is flow. There are just some little slightly awkward fragments that with some tweaking could help the overall cohesiveness of the post. We are in a spar here, so we have a word limit - if you've already mentioned something once, properly, there is no need to repeat it again, unless that repetition adds dynamic to the post. As an example, I'll see if I can tweak a couple of sentences that might help condense without losing any value..:

    "After a moment, the rain helps it slide off and fall to the ground. I cock my head so I can see it on the ground, and I think to myself, 'That's actually... really disgusting.'"

    Could be condensed to:
    "Moments later, the rain helps my fleshy souvenir slide off my face. My head cocks to the side as I eyeball it, and I think, 'That's actually… really disgusting.'"

    I don't know if that helps or not, but it takes away the two 'grounds' that you have in the last 2 sentences of this paragraph, it helps lessen your word count and maybe allows things to flow more, while still giving us plenty of Rosti personality to love. This is the sort of thing I do all the time, and I usually make these sorts of changes to my original posts (which are almost always over the word count) as a final edit. Just something to keep in mind for your next post.

    #2 - Great work on using the flesh as a distraction to have Rosti take the hit from her wing. I like the choice of having it hit his head lightly, which then leaves him open to take Cirrus' kick full on. Nice and realistic, and I love his internal exclamation of annoyance, lol. Great mention of previous spar, just a great paragraph overall. This one has better flow than the previous, like we're more in the swing of things, everything happens naturally and realistically, everything is nice and clear and Rosti is definitely annoyed and wanting revenge. Great work!

    #3 - Back to business - this one seems a bit more disjointed. I appreciate that you take the time to have him observe her, I love the use of Damaris' perspective, really great. My only tips here would be to try and make it seem more of a natural inclusion, rather than a 'Rosti paused for a moment and observed that she was all of these things' - we're in a spar, these things are all happening literally seconds apart, he doesn't have time to sit back and admire her warmblood build etc. Goes back to the flow of the post, try to simply weave these observations into his overall actions. I'll see if I can suggest a few tweaks again..

    "I lift my head and get an eyeful. She's stocky like me, but more warmblood than I am: she'll be faster than I. We're of equal height, which amuses me - I find that I'm a little short next to most. I take just a moment to ponder what my next attack is. I feel Damaris encouraging me in my mind, and I start to picture a narrowed-in view of Sky Lady's flank."

    Edit:
    "My head lifts, my gaze zoning in on her stocky, but athletic form. With some amusement I note that we're of similar height, aside from her wings. I feel Damaris at the back of my mind, encouraging me, pushing an image of the mare's flank to the forefront of my mind."

    This way, you've mentioned Cirrus' physical attributes whilst also working them into your current actions.

    #4 - Not much to say, a nice little ending to your post, mentioning his injury again, good work. Just be careful when mentioning post-attack movements, as I always try to end my post on attempting to make an attack. If you mention post-attack landing, etc, you run the risk of accidentally assuming your attack either hit or missed, and thereby already preventing and thus slightly powerplaying/godmoding your opponents next move. Not saying you've done this, but definitely something to keep in mind.

    Overall, again, a great effort. You know your way around a spar, you know how to take realistic hits and deliver them, you are always clear on where you are attacking and how you go about it. All great things to have in your arsenal of spar posts. Now I'd like to see you going back and spending more time condensing without losing quality, and ensuring the flow of your sentences are a bit smoother and less mechanical. Also keep in mind his injuries - remember to always, always carry it over into every subsequent move now, even the knock to his head might make his vision slightly blurry if he moves it too fast. Other than that, keep up the great work. :D

    bg - table
    as changing as unforgiving as the wind, as bitter and chilling as the cold, as warm and deadly as the heat


  • I enjoy being tagged.


  • please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts
    I write what I feel at the time
    and hope everyone else does the same c:


    Rostislav Posts: 245
    Hidden Account atk: 4.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 7
    Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 7 (Frostfall) HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
    Damaris :: Common Hellhound :: Acid Lauren
    #5
    Rostislav

    The sun peeks through the scattering storm clouds, and the rain begins to lessen, letting the rays shine through. What was once blinding bullets is more like a gentle sprinkle to wash away one's tears. I see the Sky Lady's hide begin to change to reflect the beauty, but nothing can erase the blood and the wounds hidden below our pelts. The mud below will begin to thicken as the water slowly evaporates from them, and the warmth of the sun will dry our hides and the blood and mud matted there. We are quite a sight, I'm sure.

    My hooves come down through the air, rough edges untamed by the farrier's file. I see Sky Lady struggling to get away, the mud we are both entangled in defies her. She shifts just enough so that my attack hits her right hip, and as she continues to move away, those flints slice through her tender hide, allowing all sorts of nasties like bacteria and mud to enter in. I land with a thud and a groan slips past my lips - my chest aches, and the impact shakes those muscles in ways I don't much appreciate. I glance up, grimacing, and see wearily (is she.. blurry?) that she is moving now around me, toward my right. She's bleeding now from her ear and flank. Shaking my head, I try to clear my vision, but that only makes it worse. It must have been her wing that's caused this, that and that dull thud in the back of my head. It's making my vision go in and out, and while my vision was certainly never 20/20, it's worse now. I take a step forward, testing my movement and balance, and I attempt to get out of her way, but the pain is so much that I gasp and stop. So much for that....

    Damaris barks at me, then whines, trying to warn me as the Sky Lady nears me, teeth bared. I try to side step away to my left and manage the step of one leg, then another.. but I'm too slow to do much about her onslaught. A foreleg comes at me, banging against my cannon bone. I grunt in obvious pain. Oh that's gonna be sore. But it's her teeth that really make me nervous, and they are ready to taste my flesh. Those electric blue eyes flash with determination, and I wonder if there's some way I can brace myself. Her teeth latch on to the middle crest of my neck, bruising the flesh and pulling at my mane. When a human pulls on your mane, it's not really a big deal and you can go about your merry way. When a pissed off mare grabs your mane and rips at it with her ivories, that really hurts. I grunt and huff as I try to resist her pulling teeth, and hairs separate by the root.

    I reach around to my right, my own stained teeth and reeking breath aimed at, well, whatever they can reach. I see the blur of her throat and send my fury that direction. My nostrils are flared as I try to get my breath settled. The adrenaline rushing through me keeps my pain in check only enough for me to continue this fight. Though I can't reach her with my hind legs, I can still use that end of my body to get this woman off of me. My long leonine tail swings violently toward her body, trying to swat at her like a cat swats at a feather dangling above in the air. I am wounded, I am in pain, and I'm sometimes a little tipsy (or super drunk). But I am goddamn fucking determined. You will not defeat me.

    Walk. Talk.

    Tag: @[Cirrus]
    WC: 630
    Attack: [3/3]
    OOC: Has vision blurring in and out, and is struggling to move without a lot of pain. When Cirrus comes at him he tries to step to the side, but doesn't get far. She bumps his cannon bone and grabs his neck. He reaches around to the side to grab at whatever he can of her, and tries to hit her with his tail.
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    *You may do anything you wish with Rostislav excluding dismemberment and death.

    Cirrus Posts: 233
    Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
    Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.1 :: 8 HP: 69 | Buff: SWIFT
    Whit
    #6
    Into this world we're thrown

    Wet. Sloshy, slushy mess has worked its way up my legs, across much of my hide. I'm not one to care for appearances, but when that grime could threaten my life expectancy, I begin to worry. Now, more than ever, I miss your presence, your reassurance, your teeth, your howl, your ability to call hell's fire to rain down upon an opponent. Oh, how I miss you, Sitka. Blindly, I find myself holding onto the slippery, fleshy crest of Rostislav, his filthy mane tickling my tongue, my throat, so much so that I must release before I am able to even draw any blood. I hope I've managed to burst enough blood vessels that as his body tries to heal he gets a blood clot lodged somewhere vital.. As my crown pulls back I am coughing, my eyes squinting shut, my left one particularly tight as the motion pulls on the split flesh that has massacred my face.

    Meanwhile, my foreleg has clashed wonderfully against his own, however I am not left many moments to revel in my success as I continually try to simply stay standing in this thickening mud and muck. Something hard has smashed itself against my cheek, and naturally my body leans away from it, my hooves sliding to my left. My sharp, cerulean eyes peek out from behind my bloodied and heavy eyelids, spying the flat, yellowed teeth of Rostislav retracting away from me after their brutal collision with my mandible. My ears pin more insistently against my poll, my own teeth baring to show my disgust, my abhorrence for his very existence at this moment.

    Then something buffets my other side, and I find myself simply backing up, away from - his tail?! A hacking, rough, sick sounding cough of laughter chokes its way out of my throat, as I settle into the painful, borderline insane state of mind known as deranged. Everything aches, even as I backup my step falters as my weight shifts onto my right hind, my face stings as Rostislav's hairs from his pesky tail slash across it. I am shocked to find tears forming in my eyes, their saltiness adding to the blur that the blood did, though I know they form to help wash the blood and grime from my eyes, so that I might not be permanently damaged.

    Was there any point, though? Wasn't I damaged enough?

    Sitka, I pray, I moan, unknowing if my voice actually articulates the word or if it really is just a moan. My crown bows down, and for a moment, it is as if I have given in, I have admitted defeat, I have thrown in the metaphorical towel.

    It is then, that I feel it. The surge of power, the lifeforce within me, dancing all around me. My ears prick, my eyes blink away my tears to view the world anew. The Sun shines down upon us, and I can feel your presence within me once more - or perhaps I have died and joined you wherever it is you have gone. My wings open, and though my left one complains about it, they fill, and cup the wind that gusts upwards, lifting my body up, away from this wretched situation. The hopelessness within me is washed away, and a renewed vigour for life returns. The weight of my body is taken away from my aching limbs, which drip dark mud and blood down their lengths. For a moment, I am free of all that moments ago had grounded me, and I was full with the decision to simply fly away, to leave this stallion and his worthless self behind.

    But that would just be too easy.

    My flight takes me upwards and backwards, my wings flapping gently, mostly it is the magic that thrums through my very soul keeping me aloft. I hone in onto him, and with delicate, careful strokes, I tilt myself into a dive that would have my lowest point be, with any luck, directly onto his back. My speed picks up, and though it helps the blood from my gash wash back, it stings said gash tremendously, and I know this is not my most accurate of final farewells. Reaching out with my forelegs, keeping my hinds tucked so as not to jolt my aching right hip, I aim simply to strike down sharply. With any luck, I'll have knocked him down to the ground, where he can watch me happily fly away.

    You shall not contain me, you shall never take away that which I hold most dear.

    For it has already been taken from me.

    Stay with me, Sitka.


    [ Tag: @[Rostislav]
    WordCount: 776 (MS Word)
    Attack: 3/3 ]



    C I R R U S
    RIDERS ON THE_ S T O R M

    bronzehalo.deviantart.com





    Whit's Teaching Tips of Doom

    Amg I am so happy with this post of yours! Really, really awesome stuff. I feel like everything has come together really nicely. All right, I'll go into paragraphs again, as that seems to be the best way to get right into the details of it all.

    #1 - Lovely intro, great visualisation of our surroundings. Not much to comment on, as you've got nice sentence flow and structure, lovely imagery - just a really nice, well-rounded paragraph.

    #2 - One or two awkward sentences in this one, but overall a great improvement. Basically, when you go back and reread your post, it should all be easy to read and understand in one go, this is what I mean by flow. But in this paragraph there is just one or two phrases that makes me need to pause and really consider what it is you're trying to say. Not much though, like I said, a really great improvement.

    #3 - I love that Damaris tries to warn him, but he is to groggy to move too far, it's a great way to 'accept' Cirrus' attack. This para has better flow than the previous, but I feel like you've said the word 'teeth' too often. I'm really picking on anything little at the moment because there is nothing glaringly obvious to me to pick on, so please forgive me for poking at all the little things, lol. But basically, try to think of different ways to describe Cirrus' attack without a. repeating it too much that it becomes redundant, and b. forgetting to mention how he gets out of the hold. Does she break free by pulling the hairs out? Or does he bow his head down and wrench himself free? You have the power to decide how the attacks hits and how long it lasts, as that is part of the 'defence' part of your post.

    #4 - Another couple of awkward sentences, but mostly excellent. This paragraph, while containing everything it needs to, feels a little bit flat to me compared to the rest of the post. Very creative idea using his tail to whack her though, love it :)


    Now for your closing defence, remember you can't have any attacks at all in this post, it's all about reacting to Cirrus' final attack, and then pump it full of 'emotion'. Why did Rosti do what he did? What parts of him are sore? How will this effect his attitude? What will he do from here?

    Great work Lauren, really. You've improved so much, I barely have anything to pick on xD I hope I've been helpful, and I'm not kidding when I say I'm actually concerned that the Judge will find your score higher than mine! Lol <3
    bg - table
    as changing as unforgiving as the wind, as bitter and chilling as the cold, as warm and deadly as the heat


  • I enjoy being tagged.


  • please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts
    I write what I feel at the time
    and hope everyone else does the same c:


    Rostislav Posts: 245
    Hidden Account atk: 4.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 7
    Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 7 (Frostfall) HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
    Damaris :: Common Hellhound :: Acid Lauren
    #7
    Rostislav
    I squeal in anger as her grip remains tight on my neck, bruising everything below the surface. She lets go of her own volition before I can knock her loose, coughing up the hair that has been pulled free from my flesh. It sears like an open abrasion where she's pulled them out, and I sense that my neck will be very tender where her teeth bruised them as well. I can't let it distract me, I just can't - not yet. I wish that I'd thought to somehow sharpen my teeth for greater sharpness. A snarl follows my squeal as I lunge for her. I don't manage to grab her throat (a pity, that), but my jaws have collided with her mandible. I haven't pulled any flesh from her this time, but blood that has run down her face comes away with me anyway. Scratches against her jaw and perhaps bruises, but nothing as serious as my previous attacks.

    Her garbled laugh takes me by surprise. Is she.. laughing at me? Certainly she is, it seems. She doesn't seem impressed by my tail thwacking at her side, and though her amusement is plain, she backs away from me all the same. I gasp for fresh air, struggling to get my body working in one piece. Though I would have guessed she may be struggling nearly as much, she has more left to her than I would have guessed. She raises up, spreading her wings and cupping them so that the air collects in them, lifting her with ease. In this moment, I wish that I, too, had wings.

    I'm as susceptible to her attack as I was moments before. Her forelegs are stretched out, poised to reach down and knock me, to hurt my back. I step to the side one more time, and I wonder if I haven't just saved my spine. Her hooves collide with the side of my back, just off to the side of my spine on the right. It's powerful, and the edges cut into my flesh, leaving bloody and muddy half-circles. I try to balance myself, to resist collapsing, but there's nothing I can do, and I fall to the ground, mud swallowing up my form inch by inch. Lucky for me it's no deeper or I might be breathing it. Instead, I'm merely stuck, struggling like a weary zebra in a crocodile's jaw.

    Slowly, very slowly, I struggle to my feet, mud clinging to my side and slowly slopping off to the side and to the ground. My white eyes watch the Sky Lady carefully as she hovers in the sky near me. Neither of us have come out of this unscathed, perhaps psychologically wounded as well as physically. I growl at her winged form, then chuckle sardonically. "Now will you tell me your name?"


    Walk. Talk.

    WC: 472
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    *You may do anything you wish with Rostislav excluding dismemberment and death.

    Official Posts: 847
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    Official
    #8
    By my verdict: CIRRUS is the winner!

    ROSTISLAV
    Realism [+1]
    :: My two-toned mane sticks to my neck, and I realize that we are both now totally soaked. Just be cautious with statements like this. I know it's raining out, but who is to say Cirrus didn't move under a tree.
    :: Personally, I would have liked more mention of how Rosti feels about somehow who looks as weird as Cirrus. It has to be disconcerting to fight against someone who's color is constantly changing.
    :: By the end of your second post, I'm really noticing something lacking- Rosti is supposed to be a drunk. He has that flask on his shoulder so easily accessible, I really want to see more consideration given to this fact. Especially after being bruised so hard, I would expect him to at least consider taking a drink. I know you have OOC reasons for him not to take a drink, but he doesn't know that drinking will cause him loss of 5HP, so be sure to give an IC reason why he doesn't.
    :: Given that the dice roll was a 1 in Cirrus 2/3, I don't think I would have taken damage from both her hoof and her teeth- that seems like a little too much damage for such a light roll.
    :: The adrenaline rushing through me keeps my pain in check only enough for me to continue this fight. Caution, with using adrenaline to explain things like this. I usually think its much safer, and preferable, to put it in context of what the character is doing. He is so determined to get her, or determined to finish without looking like a fool, something else, that he is able to ignore it for the moment.
    :: It's outside the scope of judging, so you didn't lose points for it, but in your final post I think you went too far back in time with starting. You've already covered her biting you in post 3/3, you don't need to cover it again in this post.


    Emotion [+1]
    :: Good emotion in the opening post, some of it felt a little cursory, but I did appreciate its presence. You did especially good with comparing the rain to Cirrus' tears.
    :: I think you could have delved a little more into what it feels like to have the wind knocked out of you, but overall I think you do a fairly good job of giving a good mix of 'comic relief' Rosti with 'real character' Rosti, if you catch my drift.
    :: As I noted above, I really think you needed to spend more time considering his alcohol addiction.


    Prose [+3]
    :: Fury shown in her electric blue eyes, and I pin my ears back against my skull. First post, should probably read fury is shown.
    :: As great as my attack my have been, may have been.
    :: Your writing got a little choppy when Rosti stopped to assess Cirrus- it seemed a little forced more than natural.
    :: The mud below will begin to thicken as the water slowly evaporates from them, Evaporates from it.


    Readability [+3]
    :: No comments or concerns.


    Finally tally: 37.5+(2*8)= 53.5HP

    *******************************************

    CIRRUS
    Realism [+3.5]
    :: In your first post, at first I thought the line of damage across her mandible was from Rosti's teeth, but in reading again I think it might actually be from one of his horns, since you say 'hardened muzzle', which makes more sense from a damage standpoint, but I just would have liked a little more clarity here.
    :: All throughout, I think you did an amazing job of working the scenery into your posts. I love that you always keep the muddy ground in mind and consider how it would effect all of her, not just her balance.
    :: Good job using her magic to help her achieve lift in your final post- However, I still tend to think that pegasi need some sort of running start to achieve flight, especially since (per her battle restrictions) the wind shouldn't have been terribly intense.


    Emotion [+2.5]
    :: Hitting me in the feels right from the start- great job drawing me into Cirrus' character.
    :: Again in your last post, the emotion was simply exquisite. I love the consideration you give to her dead companion and the way that you work it into your posts!


    Prose [+4]
    :: You spelled Rosti's name wrong a couple times, in your first post. Otherwise, everything was extremely well-edited and I could tell you really put effort into your writing.


    Readability [+2.5]
    :: Just one minor concern at the beginning regarding horns vs. teeth, as noted. Otherwise no comments or concerns.


    Finally tally: 34+(12.5*2)= 59HP


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