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07-10-2014, 03:25 AM
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I'm dead in the water, still looking for ya'
Worth. Perhaps worthless. He says she is worthy. He says all of these things, but she doesn't know anymore. It hurts her brain, to think that she could be special enough to have garnered all of the care from those around her. Because for so long she'd wanted to hide - to be invisible, and here she was with those who craved to see her, to be near her. "You all… you're worth more than the colours of the world," she whispers, choking on her words a little as she tried to press her face to his chest, uncertain how he still believed she was worth that much. They were worth everything. She was worth nothing. Sighs. It is the sigh which has her audits lift, blind eyes once again searching for the gaze she cannot meet. She almost flinches, having to hold herself back - body tensing up a little (should he pay enough attention he would notice) bracing herself to be hit for the stupidity which had to be flowing from her mouth. But the hit does not come and she slowly relaxes as more words fall from his lips. She does not offer words, for the few emotions she has been offered had been filled with nothing but anger, jealousy, rage. She knows he won't approve of them, and so she does not speak, only waiting for the next words. Allowance. She was allowed to be weak. The same thoughts from when he had come at the Falls. His words soft, though they hadn't been meaning to be degrading it was all she could do to try and push them from her mind. I'm not worth this kindness. I don't deserve it… she's crying to herself as she relishes the feeling of his breath tickling her ears. And then advice. To not worry, to just be in the moment. "It's instinct," she whispers, "I've been told time and time again I'm the reason why everything failed - why I've been hit, why they've attacked me. If you dealt with something such as that for thousands of years you wouldn't be confident. I- I don't know how anymore" she murmured, the tears starting again. She was allowed to be weak. Soft. Sweet care is pressed against her cheeks, wiping away the tears from her shattered soul. He tries to reassure her, and as she clings onto his words like a leech does to a limb she cannot yet see the light he so speaks of. Her breath catches in her throat for a few moments until the words can fall again, "There is nothing unique or beautiful. I'm meant to be invisible, obedient, that is all…" she chokes out - having fallen much deeper than she had ever been in these thoughts. She had been drowning in them while mute, struggling to stay afloat - to not stab herself with some sharp rock and finally be free from the world. It had been Alleo who had kept her from diving off the deep end, but it had been the loss and acceptance of her hawk's death which had put her there. Yet he continues the soft caresses. Not once does he snap out at her, to attempt press to roughly. All of his touches are ghostings, reminding her that she would not be injured while under his wings. Just like he had said in the caves, that he would keep her safe until the last breath he could breathe. Soft, sweet, and she was so undeserving. Favorites, he rattles off his own, explaining them himself. "You will find someone - someone who deserves you as much as you deserve them," she offers about the love portion. She knows that there will be someone for him, there has to be if there was someone was for her. "Spring, the chattering of the birds and the lush grasses…" a pause as her body is racked with a cough, voice getting hoarser the more that she spoke, but unwilling to stop because she was finally with another of her family whom she could speak with. "Wade, if in the water at all… I don't trust it… I can't feel it well enough to know if it's perfectly safe," she murmurs breathing in his scent for a few moments in an attempt to rest her voice. "She can, though I can't say I deserve the ornamentation. There is a clip she can use if you'd really like. And I'm sure you'd look lovely. She could even add flowers and you'd have a crown," she whispered, listening to the hum which emerged from his throat as she pressed up against his shoulder and listened to the beat of his heart. "Night - I am safer then, as I am used to the darkness others aren't. And.. I suppose… actually have a family of my own," Sadness falls onto the end of her words. At least 6 miscarriages, too many abusive relationships to keep track of. So many rapes. It was all that she had been forced through. She wanted that family, to feel love. And she had tricked herself into believing that those stags had cared - to fulfill the illusion so she could keep living. But now, that she had, she was only broken even more… |
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Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say
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Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say
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