OPHELIA & TINEK</style> Heavens ablaze in our eyes, we're standing still in time the blood on our hands is the wine, we offer a sacrifice</style>
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Teaching Spar Notes::
1. Your first sentence has repeating words again! IT would flow better if you had written "The idea of sparring was absurd" rather than repeat the word "idea".
2. You shouldn't end sentences with an infinitive (which I do all the time :| ). "to her" is non-essential to what you wrote. For example, "yet... even now, her sparring was useless." See? The same message without those words, leaving you more room later in case you get close to the 800 word limit.
3. "Her home she thought was long forgotten, Elsa thought rarely of her mother and father, and less often of her sister. " This sentence is very confusing. "Elsa rarely thought of her mother and father, and her sister was thought of even less. Her home was long forgotten." I am not 100% sure why this sentence is incorrect using big-girl grammar terms (lol), but I can tell you that it is.
4. "Maybe Elsa was stuck in the sick cycle of her homeland, even when she thought she had fully removed the thorn, the scar would still stay. " This sentence needs a conjunction since they are two, independent clauses. So, you should stick it between somewhere before the word 'even'. For example, "Maybe Elsa was stuck in the sick cycle of her homeland, because even when she thought she had fully removed the thorn, the scar would still stay."
5. Remember that if you make a list, you have to use the right "to"! She is still "too reserved," and "too cold".
6. "Speaking of blind, during that moment she heard the White Queen approaching from the left; she flinched, this was very bad news. " Your sentence "this was very bad news" is an independent sentence, so it either needs to be on it's own or separated by a conjunction.
7. I really like your flow though! You have a great lead from thoughts to action, and you really provided great reasoning and emotion for Elsa!
8. This is amazing: "A spar without scars is useless; one cannot learn if they do not fail.".
9. I would start to work on bringing in environment and physical differences again. Why isn't Elsa using her wings? Where are they positioned? What about her long hair? The sand? The weather? Etc...