the Rift


{JUDGE ME}swing, swing [Cineviam/Spar]

Faelene Posts: 297
Hidden Account
Mare :: Unicorn :: 16 :: 9 Buff: NOVICE
Sica
#1
Practice Spar, 3 posts each, take's place at World's Edge(very open field circled by pine trees) early evening. No problem with Magic/Companions, though Faelene has none.

The sun was now westward, hanging above the emerald tree tops like a gallant, glowing ornament. The red maned lady stared upon it with narrowed lids, trying to decipher how long until night. More than a little while, with a wanting sigh she turned her head from the light. She needed something to do, but lacked what. First she started ripping the grass with her teeth, quickly swallowing it down. Her tail would twitch with the unicorn's collected energy just waiting to be unleashed. Surely, someone may come around, but she wasn't about to be alone in her. Stretching her neck, she let out a high neigh calling for someone willing to spar.

Cineviam Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#2

Theatricality and deception are powerful agents.
You must become more than just a man
in the mind of your opponent


All is silent – stoic.

Dead might be a better word to describe the scene. Tall, gnarled trees hunched their backs away from the setting sun. Their weathered statues held in silent lamentation and pleadings. They’ve endured great hardships during the prolonged season of Tallsun and now they are dealing with a new intruder. The intruder is lethal, bringing a slow and silent death. Bleeding the territory of life until as one’s eyes will come to pass across the lands and find no leaves clinging to the skeletal branches. Yet this is no epic story of the prevalence of good over evil, this is nature’s story; far more twisted and forthright. And so, death played its fingers over the stems, its hands soft and strong (death does not have to be brutal and harsh, it can be soft and gentle) and, in the peace and silence they all turned slowly into Orangemoon’s blazing colors.

Soon, one by one they will fall to litter the forest floor.

At times like these, when the cinder beast found himself brooding, he removed himself from the high trafficked areas of The Edge. It was a little early in the year to be retreating into some hidey-hole though; he usually waited until storm season raged. Locking himself away was never the best course of action. His dark thoughts just ran round and round in endless circles about his mind like puppies chasing their tails and he became stuck. Not many things would unglue him, a tentative call to arms – distinctly feminine – least of all. Perhaps the blood-curdling scream of an invader would have set his blood afire. Let one of the conscripts do their job and answer her request.

There was a flicker of movement at his feet, so sudden that if Cineviam had blinked, he would have missed it. The pile of ash before his front hooves had stirred and settled again. He didn’t understand why the supernatural, black, little motes were against him in this matter and required action from him. Perhaps they knew something he didn’t about the one who issued the call, or maybe deep down he doubted his decision to hone his mind and diplomatic skills as an Emissary. A spar would keep him sharp, fit, a double-edged sword.

Whatever the reason, the ash always won in the end.

The cinder beast stirred from his lair and lumbered in the direction he believed the call came from. A few strides later, the black powdered corrected his course slightly and soon he entered the large clearing where he had kept her waiting. Red eyes quickly surveyed the scene. Apparently no one else had been tempted by her challenge, and then his gaze flicked over to size up his opponent.

“You rang?” he cooed darkly to her.


i.responding to spar challenge
ii.0/3 attacks
iii.464 words


Faelene Posts: 297
Hidden Account
Mare :: Unicorn :: 16 :: 9 Buff: NOVICE
Sica
#3


Faelene did not at first count her call to be taken seriously, or answered any time soon unless a bored warrior was near by. Maybe, the black beast the snow princess had called Thais. Upon the thought, eyes twitched into the faint shadows that stood guard between the trees. He had a way of coming out of no where. She wasn't sure what she would do if he took her up on the invitation. Then, she did not know if he would understand or care. He was the most random creature she had come across. Nostrils ushered a faint snort, and cords of her tail lifted, twisting around her hocks this time. She continued to graze if waiting for nothing.


Then there was someone on their way.

She would not detect the duo-colored stallion, making his way to her until his red eyes drifted to her. It was there, from the corner of her own eye she caught sight of the white bridge of his nose, hung with silver mask. Head swept upward, she pulled herself around to face her thick muscled opponent. Darkened silver tone eyes took in first the red glint of his, then seemed to linger on his carved horn. That moment she was happy he was an Edger and not an enemy. The second thing she come to realize was the air of soot that was around him. A magic cloud, and faintly her brows raised, but she strode forward. "I did," she answer, adding, "Care to help a lady practice?" She cast her muzzle upward in jest, letting her red locks settle around her eyes. "You first?" She suggested.




Cineviam Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#4

Theatricality and deception are powerful agents.
You must become more than just a man
in the mind of your opponent


There was no symbolic darkening of the sky or gathering of colossal storm clouds heavy with the forecast of a great clash between warriors. There will be no momentous scattering of wild life or any frightened screams of the innocent about to witness an invasion that would decide everyone’s fate. No, it’s only a spar and Cineviam stood in stoic and analytical silence as she turned to face him and seemed to weigh his attributes carefully. At least he wasn’t about to fight a completely clueless mare. In his father’s army, a female warrior was few and far between and until Faelene proved she was up to snuff, he would continue to doubt her abilities.

Not that her physical appearance lacked the potential for the battlefield. From this distance, she appeared to stand only a few inches shorter than him. A wicked looking horn protruded from her forehead, the color of her coat led one to imagine she was carved from stone and drenched in blood. However, Cineviam was built of superior stuff. The Iberian half of his bloodline was known for its prowess as a warhorse and bullfighting and the draft blood gave him dense bone and additional power.

Grey ears dart forward and caught her answer. It seemed that he wasn’t the only one uncertain of her skill and since she was a fellow member of the World’s Edge that was unacceptable. “Peace won’t last forever, if the lady needs practice then she shall have it,” he growled, slipping into a fighter’s mindset with ease. The trick is to be detached - to think both in the moment and the future - and play, not merely a game of strength and speed, but a game of wit and strategy as well. Like a participant in a chess game, one must think the battle through to the very end - anticipating every choice of oneself and one’s opponent, as well as the consequences of such choices, all done within a split second.

Having been trained since birth, Cineviam had a deep well of experience to draw from. He already had a possible course of action planned and the mare asking for him to go first played right into his hands. Dipping his head in acceptance, he felt anticipation mounting in his veins but he doesn’t let it get the best of him. Instead, he transitioned smoothly from a standstill into a balanced canter. He does not approach her head on but in a roundabout way, as if meant to circle her counter clockwise at a closer distance than from where they had started conversing. But his motives are never so one dimensional. Cineviam would position himself purposefully so that the setting Sun would be behind him and his fellow herd mate would get the full glare while trying to watch for his first assault

Though there are many attacks that he could make, Cineviam has long decided that starting with the hindquarters would be the most beneficial. A closer look at the hindquarters would reveal several strong and important muscles, that if bruised would sap the power out of any attempted attack from them, from then on. He had completed a half-circle as he came around the back of Faelene, the soot-stained stallion dove in close than faced himself away again at an angle to Faelene’s right side. Clearly seeing his body within excellent range… and that was all the confirmation that the cinder beast needed. He threw his weight to the front of his body, and lifted his hind legs out of the mist blanketing the ground. Like a gunshot, he let his legs fly. There was no fear of retaliation, he didn’t move immediately into safety, but allowed his legs to extend to their fullest – the most devastating. Only when they grounded again did Cineviam scoot out mare’s kicking zone. He didn’t move far, only giving himself enough breathing room to see an assault coming.

Your move.



i.Since Faelene turned away from the sun and towards Cineviam,
I made it as if she was facing south and he faced north.

ii.He circled around the back of her to end up on her right side (west)
and dove in close then turned and kicked.

iii.1/3 attacks

iv.674 words


Faelene Posts: 297
Hidden Account
Mare :: Unicorn :: 16 :: 9 Buff: NOVICE
Sica
#5


The lady was first greeted with silence of his crimson eyes taking her in. She would do the same because she had no idea of the inner workings of his mind, only what the outside told. Huge mass, sculpted muscle, large heavy hooves, and a long, spiral spike atop his head. In comparison she knew she was smaller, shorter, and hardly a match for his weight. She was sturdy, having a wider, thicker frame than most mares, yet she remained agile.


She had not been trained as a child in the art of war, she had been pushed into it. She was never taught to defend, or fight she merely did so to survive until she was captured. That was what had dulled her, what had made her into something she was not. Yet, it's how she had at last escaped, bidding her time, not being afraid to do whatever necessary to be free with the help and sacrifice of dear, beloved friends. So she was not much of a strategist, her movements were based on the moment, quick reaction.


A twisted smile slid up the side of her muzzle as he took her up on the idea. Least someone understood the need, and did not scoff at the idea of it. The mare's muscles became rigid, ready for his attack or ready as she would ever be. She couldn't help but be a littler nervous, not knowing what to expect. Holding a breath, it roughly it left her nostrils, and he dipped his head. Let the battle begin.


He wasted no time moving closer, like a haunted phantom, striding through the mist to claim her soul. He drew in quickly, she tucked her chin close to her nape, ears flattened to her head, while her front limbs stretch anticipating a frontal assault. He's moving past her, and she turns her head meeting the bright light of the setting sun. In those precious seconds she does not react, she only feels the raw pain deep within. The touch of his hooves had clipped heavily just behind the point of her hip. It is enough to push her, cause a blunt aching throb to coarse bone, and muscle. Open mouth, she let out a ragged breath. Her first instinct is to move away from the hurt, and she sweeps her haunches around. Now she is looking at him, facing the charger is a new problem, the sunlight pouring into her pupils, setting things all wrong in measure. He had made a brilliant first move, but now it was hers.

Jaw set in determination, she takes the head on approach, dropping her shoulder, her neck, and charging toward the stallion without very much thought. Her speed is not as quick as it would have been seconds ago or as smooth, evident her hip does not want to move. With the shadow of his figure as her guide, she continues her coarse to him, aiming to ram his left side with hers, hoping it might just take him by surprise.
__________________________________________________


She turned her head, sun glares in her eyes, and he hits her in the curve of her hip, barely behind her hip bone. Her body is forced away, causing her to pivot/face the sun further.
She takes second to collect, and then attempts to charge directly into his left shoulder with her own.

1/3 attacks

517 words




Cineviam Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#6

Theatricality and deception are powerful agents.
You must become more than just a man
in the mind of your opponent


In the violent and fluid dance between two competitors, the routine of attack and defense, it was her turn to try and land a devastating blow. His ears were turned backward, listening for immediate pursuit but she was still recovering from the kick to her right rear. Smug satisfaction settled in the pit of his stomach, it had been a well-executed and successful plan of attack. The mare had done next to nothing to evade his hoof, he wasn’t sure if she had even seen it coming. He gave himself about four strides of breathing room before wheeling about to contemplate her body movements and try to stay one step ahead of her.

Then the impossible happened – Faelene caught him off guard.

Later, when Cineviam had the chance to soak on what happened, he would recognize the mistake and learn from it. But for the moment he thought everything was progressing perfectly. The sun was behind him again, warming his back and caused his shadow to stretch out and cover the distance between him and his opponent. He wondered briefly if Faelene was a fast learner and if she would try to use the sun while she still had the chance, it was about to dip below canopy of the thick trees. If not, he could pull her aside later and discuss how to use her surroundings to her advantage in battle. He was about to get his answer, however, as she had started her charge in his direction.

He does not panic. Crimson eyes scrutinized her body, waiting for her weight to shift to her hind end indicating that she might rear in front of him. Perhaps she might switch leads or her head might lean slightly in one direction in preparation of veering to one side of him. What confused him was that she didn’t decelerate at all. Even though he knew Faelene was inexperienced on the battlefield, it was unfathomable that she should choose to crash into him and risk injuring herself further. By choosing to barrel right into him, she had stolen away precious seconds of his reaction time, and caught him heavy-footed. He could hear a voice of a superior, nothing but a distant memory, drilling it into his head to remain light on his hooves or to keep his weight on his hind if there was any doubt. Cineviam is left scrambling to try to get out of the way but was much too late.

A rogue branch hiding under the mist further impeded his progress.

The best he managed to accomplish was to displace the blow from his shoulder where Faelene intended to hit him to just behind the girth area toward the middle of his barrel. Usually a horse carried 60 percent of its weight on its front end, so it was important to Cineviam to try to preserve it if he could. Additionally, the force behind the contact of her shoulder to his obliques was distributed over a much larger space than a hoof. He doubted a broken rib or internal damage would result but he felt the shock of the impact run the length of his skeleton – from his teeth to his hooves. All the air rushed out of his lungs in a long groan and he knew he wouldn’t be twisting about as easily to dodge further attacks.

The bow bend in his body has effectively trapped her against him for the moment; she would have to take a couple of steps backwards for her to be free to move in any direction again. Hopefully he had come to the conclusion before Faelene since he decided to use her close proximity instead of having to chase her down to get another assault in. However, his body and lungs no longer cooperated with how quick his mind was working. It took him longer than expected to back up and turn – grimacing all the while – so that they were standing face-to-face.

He half-reared, a common practice for wild horses, his haunches lowered to keep a low center of gravity, so if Faelene thought to jostle him, Cineviam was confident that he would regain his footing rather than falling. Lunging forward, mouth agape, he aimed a bite Faelene’s cheek just below her eye. This is only a distraction; his real motive is to use his impulsion and gravity to drive his hooves towards her front legs. He was prepared to make the necessary adjustments for any small step she made in effort to swing her face away. Of course if she didn’t, he was also willing to chomp down.

He rather enjoyed leaving his mark - just ask Torasin.


i.He took the hit behind his shoulder along his side.

ii.While backing up he turned to face her and half-reared.
Lunging toward her, he used biting at her face as a distraction
and sought to drive his hooves into her front legs.

iii.2/3 attacks

iv.781 words


Faelene Posts: 297
Hidden Account
Mare :: Unicorn :: 16 :: 9 Buff: NOVICE
Sica
#7
Sorry for the wait. I had to figure out my own post, make sure I understood yours. If I need to change something so you can post let me know. Wasn't sure about the bite, but didn't want to ignore it.



Surprise was in her favor after all, he had not believed her next move, and by the time he realized what she was doing it was too late for him to be prepared. His size may have made it difficult to be more agile. No matter she was able to make contact. It was not her first target, but that was okay. Her shoulder hit the curve of his stomach, though he took some force of the impact, she too absorbed some of the energy her speed had caused into her shoulder. It did not hurt bad as his first hit, but it did smart.

Faelene had made her move for a point. It hadn't been the most brilliant, but it did give her the advantage of being in close contact, giving her seconds when he was trying to decide. Maybe, she would not do what he expected again. Since she was near him, some of his ash swirled into her nostrils. Trapped in the curve of his body she coughed the soot from her nose. Suddenly she could feel him backing away from her. It was when she threw her weight back upon her hind pillars to prepare, but found her right weakened. She could not strongly rear as she wanted too, and tried to roughly step to face him.

Then he became a blur of silver, and white raising to the air. Before she can make a choice he is making a swipe for her with sharp teeth. Forced to avoid a harsh bite her front end jerks from the ground, limbs attempting to tuck beneath her chest. Her head snakes to the east to try to avoid letting him reach. She does not make it up unscathed. His hooves clip into the bottom of of her left cannon before she can tuck them up. Half raised she feels his ivory teeth in the lower part of her cheek.


Her hip is starting to quiver, and she begins to fall onto her front hooves. In an effort to drive him away she strikes out, pawing them in his direction, hoping to free herself and hit him in the process.

______________________________________________________________________________

1.She remains by him, until he backs, and then she attempts to rear. When shifting her weight to her haunches decides to step backward instead.
2. He comes at her, she half rears, letting her head drift to the east. In the process one of his hooves hit her left cannon bone. I thought he would continue to bite her since she is only half rearing, so he was able to grab the lower part of her cheek.
3.Her hip protests to keep her up, not to mention the weight on her front end, she starts to fall, but attempts to hit him with either of her hooves while doing so.
2/3 attacks
367 words




Cineviam Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#8
((You did fine xD And I should be apologising about the wait! Last little while I've had a 4 day fundraiser and sick with a sore throat and cold, while trying to work and when I did have a spare second, I was stressing about trying to get the olympic/invasion posts up. Decided to get this up now before I felt pressure from the next invasion round <3 After your next post, I think I get one last defense because Cine attacked first and then we can have it judged.))

Theatricality and deception are powerful agents.
You must become more than just a man
in the mind of your opponent


Cineviam hit his targets but they weren’t as successful as he hoped.

The threat to mark her face drove her head away as he intended but that was all that went according to plan. Faelene had reared too, so only one of his hooves clipped her quite low on her foreleg. The fact that her foot is off the ground reduces the force of the blow somewhat – without the resistance of her weight against the earth, her leg is able to give a bit with the impact. The lack of satisfaction with the assault to her legs was traded for some pleasure from actually catching the bottom of her cheek between his teeth.

Since Cineviam had only half-reared and lunged forward at her, he gained the ground first. Faelene had started to teeter and he could guess that because he was below her, she would strike at him from above as she descended. Since her tender underbelly was exposed to him, he could risk taking the blows from her front hooves and gouge her with his horn or he could try to dodge. He supposed that she was more use to the World’s Edge alive than dead.

Still he decided to take a chance.

He dropped his head to chest level, trying to protect it from her flailing hooves as he darted to the left (her right). He aimed to drive his shoulder into Faelene’s sensitive stomach, maybe knock her off balance as she tried to land. Cineviam didn’t want his horn to gouge her deep but to scrape along her right haunch. One of her hooves caught him high on his neck to the right of his crest as he passed beneath them. The pain is searing at first as the muscles that run along the top of the neck are undoubtedly bruised. Later, when his muscles cooled, Cineviam would probably hold his head high or off to the right slightly to shorten the muscles. While it was sore, he didn’t think it would affect his performance too much during the remainder of the fight.


i.Risked (and took) a hit by one of her hooves
to be able to try to hit one side of her underbelly to unbalance her
while his head is at chest level trying to scrape her haunch too.

ii.3/3 attacks

iii.351 words


Faelene Posts: 297
Hidden Account
Mare :: Unicorn :: 16 :: 9 Buff: NOVICE
Sica
#9
Awe Taurus. You're actually pretty awesome, all of that going on, and you're still kicking some dragon butt in the invasion and winning the Olymics? xD Faelene will be in awe. Sorry it took me longer, I was raking my brain trying to get this awful thing out.


Pain it was holding both mind and body. This was only a spar, and damn it hurt! Never cross Cineviam she thought like a broken record over, and over. Letting out a soft grunt, she could fill the twinge where he had first kicked. The sad things was it would be more painful later. Oh she did not want to think about that.

Falling downward her hoof met contact with his neck, but it was clear he had another idea, instead of drawing himself away to protect himself he came underneath her, than to the side. Shoulder hit squarely into her barrel, his driving speed sending his smooth horn into the side of her haunch. It was a short stab, and a cut of squeal of pain would fled from her lips. The hit would compensate her balance, as it was poor to begin with, and she would topple down. At first she fell to her left, front knee. Feeling the hard ground catch her knee cap. It would shoot tingling sensations of pain up her limb, but she would shove off of it to set her hoof flat. In a last attempt at a last attack, she would lift her haunches off the ground, and aim a kick in Cineviam's direction.


3/3 attacks.
214 Word Count
Summary
Cineviam is able to do exactly as he plans.

Faelene falters to stand, crashing to her knee. She straightens up, throwing her back haunches up, to kick at Cineviam.


Cineviam Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#10

Theatricality and deception are powerful agents.
You must become more than just a man
in the mind of your opponent


Some of the intensity in his red eyes had ebbed away when Cineviam heard Faelene’s squeal of pain. He hit the brakes and turned while he was behind her to see what was happening and the silvery-black mare was down on one knee. A trace of remorse threaded through his chest, it was only a practice session after all. While he had thought he had taken some of the edge off – not attempting to rip her open and let her guts spill out – he still could have done more. Instead of being greedy and taking a stab at the haunch he’d already injured with his initial kick, he could have been content to knock her off balance. Of course, he was feeling all this responsibility over a mare he continued to underestimate.

Faelene soon got all four hooves squarely back under her and his gut clenched, realizing the vulnerable position he was in. He faced the same direction she did, and stood directly behind her. Instinct drove him to move and quickly, while his intellect screamed to move to the right – always aware of what has happened so far. The weaker, injured leg caught him in the left pectoral muscle, while all the strength in her left leg sailed into the empty air next to him. Pain flared immediately in the sensitive area. He continued to move to the right and then forward to pull up alongside her, and pain flared again in the area when he came to a stop.

“Alright, that’s enough damage for one spar… Don’t you think? he said gruffly, though the rough tone was put on for show. A welt was beginning to puff up on his chest where it throbbed dully and his mane was in disarray, hiding another welt on his neck. However, his mood had grown remarkably lighter since the beginning of the fight, as tempers generally did for males when some pent up toxic energy was released through roughhousing. He turned and grimaced as his ribs reminded him that they had taken a blow too, and took a better look at her haunch that had taken most of the abuse.


i.Her right hoof struck him in the left pectoral muscle as he tried to dodge

ii.final defense

iii.362 words



((Leaving in the morning when I wake up so thought I'd try to get this up quickly. Won't see the result until I get back so good luck, I enjoyed it. I guess you can ask an admin to judge or edit the title of the thread? And if the invasion isn't successful we could continue this back in the Edge. Or if it is we can start a thread somewhere in the wild so he can see how she is doing after the invasion or something. See ya!))

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#11




C i n e v i a m | F a e l e n e
- - - - -
By my verdict Cineviam is the winner.

CINEVIAM -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1|Attack: The angle at which he came at her with the sun behind him obscuring her view was very creative and clever. Careful though, because she said at the beginning it was stated that the sun was westward, which would have made you coming from the west and her from the east. This rotates your fight 90 degrees but does not damage the integrity of the positioning, in this case.
+ 1|Attack: The buck was well written and clear.

[Prose]
+ 1| Very well written and clear.
+ 1| Good flow.
- 1| Be careful with emotion, your post got a bit technical as soon as the fighting started, which is where it’s both hardest and most important to maintain that balance of character and clarity.


FAELENE -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: It’s good that she covered her front and neck expecting that attack, and realistic that with the sun in her eyes she wouldn’t be able to see well enough to figure out where he was really going for.
+ 1| Defense: Given her current state, it made sense that she took the buck, and the pushing of her body was clearly written.
+1 Attack: Your attack is clear in its definition and position, and leaves it very open to the next person as to whether or not it will land, which is great. It’s also a running attack, which is good because of her build and thus likely to catch him off guard.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good flow.
- 1| Be careful not to get too technical. Don’t sacrifice clarity for emotion of vice versa, you have to balance them.


CINEVIAM -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: His defense was realistic, given that she is fast and likely to catch him off guard so he didn’t have time to do much.
+ 1| Injury: Good job noting the injury and how it affected her.
+ 1| Attack: It took me a bit to understand this attack, but once I did it was a very good one, and creative as well. The rear was well executed.
+ 1| Attack: Bite attack made sense and was clearly written.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good flow.
+ 1| Vast improvement in emotion here; I love his satisfaction and yet his shock when he gets hit. Still, careful at the end, you get a bit factual and technical. Overall though the good outweighed the bad.


FAELENE -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Good job taking the injury without it crippling her completely.
+ 1| Injury: Good job taking the kicks to the cannon and then having that weaken her as she falls, and then the mention of the weakness in the attack.
+1 Attack: Given her current position and condition the attack is realistic.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good Flow
- 1| This post was very technical and a bit dry when it came to emotion.



CINEVIAM -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: It was smart of you to take the hooves where you did, and given his comparative strength it made sense for him to go under her.
+ 1| Attack: I found your attack to be incredibly creative and a good idea given her position in relation to his. The unbalancing was a wise move.
+ 1| Attack: You did well by remembering that she wasn’t there for him to kill but to spar and teach as a herdmate by not gouging her with the horn, and Cineviam’s recognition of that was nice to see. And, very importantly, you specified direction of the horn attack.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good Flow
- 1| Emotion fell to the backburner here- you spent perhaps too much time describing her injury as well. Leave that up to her, she’s the one that’s feeling it.


FAELENE -- post 3

[Realism]
+1| Defense: There wasn’t really much she could do or any way she could have seen it coming and you didn’t try to twist it so there was, which was very realistic.
-1|There was barely any mention of the horn stab here, though- make sure you give enough information.
- 1| Attack: There was a lack of description in this attack that left me confused and in the end would harm you by leaving the attack so open to interpretation by Cineviam. Did she kick with both hooves, was the buck fully extended, where did it aim for, etc., are all important things to note.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good Flow
- 1| there was some emotion in the beginning but not enough to make up for the rest; it’s very important that you make sure you maintain the character and not just a list of physical reactions.


CINEVIAM -- post 4 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: While you made it make sense and sold me on it, you did not necessarily have to take this injury.



CINEVIAM

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed Reference in first post about his larger build.
+ 1| Great use of surroundings

[Injuries]

[Creativity]
+ 1| The attack from underneath Faelene
+ 1| The first idea of the sun behind you was brilliant.

Comments: Overall this was a great fight for you- I think you need to watch your level of emotion but you’re getting there. Your prose is excellently written and very clear, just make sure you always mention where attacks are coming from. You also had an issue of taking a bit more injury than you needed to- it might make for good drama but it won’t earn you extra points. Don’t forget that you can dodge!


FAELENE

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed Reference in first post- while her breed is not specified you clearly defined that her build would lend her more to speed than power, which was good.
+ 1| Health Bonus: Walking out of the fight less injured.

[Injuries]

[Creativity]
+ 1| Very creative inhaling the ash.

Comments: This was a very good fight, and I think you two were a fairly even match. You should also be careful of emotion, your posts came across as very factual sometimes. You should also make sure you are very descriptive in regards to your attacks, especially towards the end they didn’t have enough information to reply accurately based off of. And I’ll give you the same advice I gave Taurus about injuries- don’t take them when you don’t need to, and remember that dodging, while it shouldn’t be overused, is definitely an option.

TOTAL
Cineviam - 68
Faelene - 57






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