It had been a long time since Murdock had been able to watch the sunrise, and longer still since he had been able to watch it with a friend at his side. He had hardly known Thor an hour, but he knew the man to be decent and respectable and had already taken a liking to him. It was a comfort to know that he could find friends in the Edge, that he might have finally found somewhere he could fit in and feel home. For too long he had felt detached from the rest of the world, but here he was able to ground himself to something familiar and comfortable.
The sound of Thor’s voice stole his attention away from the sunrise, drawing his gaze upward to the tall stallion beside him. It had been a while since he had been presented with such a thought provoking question, and the gears of his mind turned slowly like the rusted wheels of an old train that had not moved for years. He had not put much thought into what rank he would receive and what rank he desired when he joined the Edge. His primary objective was to simply become a part of the herd, to leave his past behind and begin a new chapter of his life.
However, he could not uncover an answer to his question just yet. Why, indeed, had he settled for a position as a Protector when his history and experience should allow him to pursue a much more ambitious rank? He turned away from Thor, casting his gaze out to the dark and unsteady body of the sea, as if perhaps its rhythmic motion and thoughtful song might provide a reason for his decision. When he had met Kahlua, he had opened himself to her as a new man, a blank slate waiting for words and pictures to be scrawled across its untouched surface. He had forgotten himself, what he used to be. He no longer felt like the skilled captain he had once been, the powerful general who had guided students and warriors.
A soft sigh escaped his lips, golden mist spiraling into the warm sunlight that crowned the frosted treetops. It seemed as though he was drifting farther and farther from himself, as if a part of his soul had become detached and drifted off on the wind like a leaf. Not even he could recall the reasons for his acceptance of this rank. Perhaps he was tired of responsibility, simply seeking to find rest and time to regain his footing and find himself once more. Perhaps he no longer felt capable of holding power and making decisions. Everything had become such a mess; he no longer knew what to do with himself.
He turned back to Thor, seeking his gaze in hopes he would find some comfort there. He was relieved when the face he looked upon appeared to him to be the face of a friend. It had been so long since he had found a friend, since he had been able to confide in someone. “I am sorry to say I can provide no satisfactory answer to your question,” he laughed softly, shaking his head at himself. “I have become so lost that not even I can find reason behind my decisions. I have been running from my past for so long now, and I had hoped to find a new beginning in the Edge. Indeed I have found one, and I am quite content here, but perhaps for now I must not ask too much of myself. If a captain is what I am destined to be, then in time, I am sure I will find myself ready for it.”
He knew in his heart that he wished to be a captain again. Since he was a colt, he had been trained for the position and he had spent many months leading his fellow warriors into battle. It was thrilling to be at the head of the team, to conjure strategies and see your hard work and planning bare fruitful results. However, he felt as though he was not ready for such responsibility now, but perhaps he would find his confidence somewhere among the trees and mists of the Edge. He turned back to Thor, a small thoughtful smile upon his lips. “And now I must turn the question back on you. You were king of the Edge once. You still have the chance to be great and I have no doubt you were a fair and just ruler. Why have you settled for less?”
"talk talk talk talk "
(Sorry it's late!)
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