The dust rolled across his hooves as he glumly crossed the borders of the desert herd. His usual bright vigour tarnished by the slump in his neck and there was a sick look in his eyes. Inari followed beside him, tail trailing in the orange dirt and his head too hung low to the ground. They were the perfect pictures of sorrow, the colts once shining blue gaze looked dull and utterly lost. They had lost someone dear, someone close to their hearts and they were now nothing but a memory leaving their hearts to painfully break. Her snow-white corpse that littered the earth, so perfect, how could a mother be anything less than perfect? Their journey back from the Thistle Meadow had given the boy, Sacre, time to think and reflect on the life he was leading, if she was proud of him.

His curiosity had taken him briefly out of Helovia, exploring a new part of the earth with his orange bushy friend and a bounce in their steps. It had never occurred to him that he might just forget how to get back to the land he had called home since his birth and after many fraught days of searching the curious pair had guiltily stalked back in through the Threshold. It wasn’t like he didn’t have duties and after a while he had wondered if the Dragons Throat had forgotten him. The once Sleuth now nothing more than a failure. It was on his guilty trek back to his home that Sacre had wandered through the Thistle Meadow as he often did, visiting the place of his birth, there was something about it that made him feel calm and safe, a nice place to think. It was there that he saw his mother lying unmoving on the floor, her bodice decaying and surrounded by flies. An image that would stay with him forever and Sacre was sure he would never be able to visit the Meadows again, the special place he had for it was now gone. The only memory would be his dam’s cold and lifeless body.

After that, the two had wandered Helovia in sorrow before finally finding themselves before the vast canyons of their home. Their feet dragged, he felt no comfort no matter where he went and for the first time he felt the true impact of loneliness. What had he expected, that she would live forever? No, but at least long enough to see her son make a name for himself or even see him grow into his full height, a handsome young stallion. He would never be able seek those familiar vibrant blue eyes; the very eyes he had, and watch them turn into welling pride. He felt so alone and craved the closeness of kin and friend, where was Roux and Aviya? Mr Lace and Tandavi? His Father?

Finally, as he reached the old dragon blood tree, he cast his tear stricken gaze to the dead leaves that littered the floor.

Thoughtful, Sacre lifted one cloven hoof and slammed it down on an innocent, wrinkled leaf. There was an audible thump as his foot hit the floor and the boy simply stared at it. He had always been a carefree child, one that never relented to set backs or challenges, and it was almost like he was a beacon of hope to spite his own lineage; his own blood. Yet, right now he was different. The boy was exposed to strange kinds of emotion that consisted of desperation, confusion, anger, and sadness. He couldn’t even pretend to be happy or cover up the anguish that lined his features so dominantly. It hurt in his chest and took over his mind, a lump formed in his throat and finally he felt the ferocity that threatened to topple him. Burning questions raged and there was no one around to answer them. Not one single soul.

That was until he felt her closeness.

The familiar fond scent drifted to his nostrils and the touch forced a sharp intake of breath as he dragged himself out of the hole of despair. Tandavi! There was a flood of affection and gratitude he felt for her at once, a burdened blue eye drifted to see the flashes of flaxen and fire that made up her pretty appearance. For a while he said nothing, what could he say? His lips wouldn’t move, the young stallion couldn’t even find a way to put what he felt into words, how should he tell of his own mother’s death? Was there a right way? He wished she could just see into him and understand the cause of his sorrow. The boy worried that if he tried to tell her then he might just crumble here and now, he wanted to lean into her comforting side and yet he didn’t want to burden her. Perhaps if he were as cold hearted as his father then he would deal with this kind of thing better. Was this the price of the path he had chosen? In his stubborn decision to cast aside his family had he become weak hearted?

Am I mother? Am I too weak? He swallowed and took several deep breaths. Inari wandered solemnly over to Natraj and attempted to sit down next to the darker fox, he made no noise whilst his bushy white tipped tail wrapped around his body. Sacre made a move to brush his shoulder against the orange one of Tandavi’s and finally he turned his head to view her close profile with a sorry excuse for a half smile. He couldn’t muster the strength to push away the sadness and his gaze wavered with frailty as he struggled to form words. Why were their meetings always fraught with overwhelming feelings these days? A time may come when they can have a normal conversation about the weather and other trivial herd gossip.

”My chest hurts” his voice cracked with pain that wasn’t the physical kind. For a moment it was all he could manage to put into words before finally he gathered the required courage to explain the reason behind his sorry state ”After a long time I finally found my mother. She was in the meadow where my twin and me were born, lifeless. Dead.”

@[Tandavi]
ooc; <33 Tandavi is welcome anytime ;~;

In the back of his mind he wished Tandavi would go and leave him in this slump of sorry mess. There was no need to burden her with his woes. He knew in time that the world would right itself again, but right at that moment he was experiencing the worst low and poor, caring, beautiful Tandavi had walked right into his miserable storm. He selfishly clung to her side like how a child held onto their favourite teddy, the rise and fall of her breathing, the heat of her closeness and the whisper of her voice. No, he should have told her to go away and leave him to grieve, but he carelessly clutched her side and wept away all the pain in his chest without a second thought. Inari, sharing the sadness through bond, sinks to the side of the kitsune and closes his eyes when his fellow vulpine brother begins to clean his bright orange fur. Today they were heartsick and dismal, but surrounded by the nurturing shoulders of friends.

What was she like? Tandavi’s question lingered in the stained colts mind as he struggled to compose himself. His relationship with his dam had been a pleasant one, Sacre always the one to disappear on some made up mission, going places he shouldn’t and often getting into trouble. She had been motherly, supportive and he wished he could’ve had more time to repay her love and care. He regretted not visiting more often and not spending more of his life with her when he had grown independent. There were so many more moments they could have shared together and all of it had been taken from him.

Through the brief silence Sacre shuffled on his feet and shook his head free to think clearly, slowing his breathing to deep breaths. A small bright smile crept onto his dark lips as he thought of Kou and answered dear Tandavi’s question. ”She was pretty, pure white like snow. So gentle and full of love” he answered as his voice cracked. Her pristine image was marred by the bloody memory of the last time he had seen her. Why oh why had he walked through the meadow?! Part of him wished he never knew and lived on in ignorance, the last recollection of her would live with him forever.

Smile now gone; he turned his broken blue gaze onto Tandavi with a pleading look of desperation and confusion. ”I don’t even know what happened to her” he whispered, his voice twisted in sadness. Did he even want to know? His face swept away from his friend and to the floor, wishing it would open up and swallow him. The days after this one would surely, but slowly, get better as he hardened his heart. This day was the worst of all days.

(so sorry for the wait charks!! D: @[Tandavi])