i won't be saved

my stomach twists and churns, body shaking uncontrollably as seele tells me they can't help, my lip quivering and mouth gaping as i try to talk but let out nothing but a weak whimper. my tears run down my cheeks, my eyes blurry and everyone barely a shape, more of a collage of colours milling around me. my body is locked in place, my emotions spilling everywhere as anguish and the horrific reality of it all comes crumbling down upon me. i'm trapped thrashing and screaming, wanting nothing more than to watch seele open her eyes again and smile and her wounds to dissipate, laughing and telling us it was some illusion magic she had just gained.

but it wasn't.

this was truly how it was, my second mother had been torn from my fingers almost as fast as my first one had. my sides ached as i coughed and sputtered, choking on tears and the knot of heartbreak. i only had one other in this world, it was just sikeax now. i was too stupid and weak and shy to go anywhere and socialize with anyone. i lay with my face buried in seele's mane, sobbing more than i've ever sobbed before. i can feel my entire being sink and shiver with each stuttering gasp i draw in. the skin of my forehead burns where seele had touched it, brain numbing and body losing all sense of feeling in everywhere but that warm spot where seele's muzzle had touched, leaving droplets of blood soaked into my russet coat.

i felt the mood sink as seele's final breath escaped her lips, i could feel the warmth of her body seep into the earth, my mouth gaping open as i let go a series of screams, her name blending in with them, barely audible as i thrust my face back into her mane, my heart stuttering and lungs heaving as i look up at midas. "i want her back. i want her back! she didn't have to die for us! we could've fought them off together, but- she's dead- she's dead she's dead oh my gods she's dead, oh no," something deep down overcomes my being, my mind growing darker as seele's limbs grow stiff and her soul drifts through the wind. looking into the sky with my lips dripping with a venom many know as rage, i snarl at whatever cloud was passing by. "bring her back! bring her back!" i scream again, voice quivering as sameira sits down at the edge of the trees, giving out a low howl to match the pitch of my wails.

i feel the waves of panic and emotion drowning me, heart racing and breath shaky as i wonder what sort of impending doom the earth has in store for me. would i too die as seele did, broken and bloodied beyond repair with those who loved me watching me die? but no one loved me, i'm not even sure sikeax did anymore, after what happened i still feel this heavy feeling of guilt and regret, fearing she still hates me for what i'd done to her as a wraith. my breathing is cut short as i choke and cry, rocking myself with waves of anguish and the realization that she's dead brings my walls crumbling down.

i move forward, stretching my neck out and tediously placing my mouth around seele's fragile glass horn, and with a pounding heart began twisting my neck, feeling the glass crunch beneath my teeth until i had gained a small portion of the tip of her horn. feeling the bits of glass that had been shattered roll on my tongue, i place the piece of her horn between my feet before spitting out the shards. i look up at midas, eyes dulled and uncaring as i pick up the piece of horn, maneuvering my body so that i could stand and turn around. reaching down i pull a thick clump of seele's red hair from her tail, gathering it up alongside the portion of horn before straightening up and moving back a few steps, the corners of my lips quivering as i turn tail and run from midas and reizend, my sobs muffled by the items in my mouth.

abba said it was ok if amara took a lil' bit of her horn & hair <3