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12-15-2014, 12:10 AM
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Resplendence
it's what you feel but can't articulate outloud Another apology. But she doubted that Alysanne really understood what this even really meant. As Res shuffled her way backwards, Valiance clinging to her poll, the Moon Doctor ebbed forward. Not close enough to touch her, yet, but still closer to her. Those emerald eyes. They held something in them that would have been seen as caring to anyone else, but to Res… they were demeaning. Like she wasn't capable of holding herself up. It may have been a motherly instinct, but she did not know how it churned at Resplendence's insides to know that she was so low as to be pitied. She clenches her jaw, bracing herself for the words that were to come from Alysanne's mouth. No doubt some kind of broken excuse as to why she was still a Moon Doctor and Res no longer was. Still, it was the shift from mothering eyes to sad eyes that kept Res from snapping, from calling her a liar. She spoke of going to see Kahlua and Kaj, reasoning with them. But, if Alysanne had not asked for her to no longer hold the position then that made it even worse. Her brother and sister… they thought she was incapable. She swallows, air getting stuck in her throat for a moment as her heart skips a beat. They didn't think she could do it so they had 'relieved' her of her position. A battered mind clawed forth, words spilling from her mouth. "If you didn't ask for me to get removed that's even worse. They obviously think I must be some kind of danger to this herd if they didn't want me to stay Moon Doctor - if they didn't even warn me about it ahead of time." She splutters, hurt seeping out from her voice as she peered toward Alysanne from behind the forelock which had swept over her forehead. "I can't see them changing their mind now. They must not want me anymore. They must really believe I'm useless. They must really think I'm incapable…" And tears, they start to fall. Tears of betrayal. It was all in her mind, really. One would doubt that such thoughts had ever run through Kaj or Kahlua's minds, but she was so hurt that this had happened that she didn't know what was truly logical. "I'm glad you think they still need my help, that you still need my help, but I don't think this would have been taken away from me if that was the case…" A pause, sniffling as she forces the tears to stop. "They obviously think the herd will be fine without my contributions." Alysanne continued, though, onto the topic of Res's nightmares. A deeper frown slid onto her face as she spoke of the worry. She said she couldn't keep it up forever, and maybe Alysanne was right… maybe Res couldn't keep it up forever. But, she was trying to be strong. And she didn't know any other way to do that other than to just deal with it all in the waves that it came in. Alas, she asked if it was still the fire that was plaguing her dreams, and so Res tried to muster up the courage to explain. "It's not always fire. Sometimes it's water. Sometimes it's an invasion. Sometimes it's random magic. It doesn't matter how it happens… All that matters is that I can never save them. All that matters is that I come to late, or they're too badly injured, or they die trying to save me while I attempt to help someone else. All that matters is that everyone I love is dying and that I'm alone. That I'm alone in a world that I can't protect myself in. That I'm alone in a world where I should have died a long time ago. All that matters is that they deserved to live and I couldn't let them have that chance to change the world the way they'd changed me…" Her eyes drop downcast, small tremors rippling through her body as she fought to keep talking, to keep from breaking down and running away. "..It just proves that I'm useless…" She chokes a little, unable to get out any more words. Valiance fluffs up his wings, lets out a few clicks of encouragement and then stares straight over at Alysanne as if to say "Help her". And then, to Res, "Let. Help." But was this even possible to fix? urmagawd - feels ;-;
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