the Rift


[JUDGED] Kaleidoscope of loud :: Panzram spar
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#5
G
A
U
C
H
O
<style type="text/css">.words {font: 14px/13px droid sans; color: #454444; text-align: justify; padding: 20px 0 20px 0;} .words:first-letter {font: 50px/50px oswald; float: left; text-transform: uppercase; margin: -2px 1px -7px 0;}</style>
As his fiery attack fanned outwards, Gaucho took the handful of seconds he had to evaluate his injuries. His shoulder was not seriously wounded even though it would likely be sore the next morning. The stiffness for now had not spread far, and although the muscle begged for rest and perhaps a few stretches, it could easily be ignored.

As Panzram burst through his flames, Gaucho leaned backwards raising his forelegs about a foot off the ground. With a loud grunt his hooves plummeted downwards rattling the ground as if the weight of his body was suddenly hundreds of times heavier than it was. Hopefully that would knock the unicorn off course.

Gaucho's ears pinned against his skull as his own antlered crown lowered. He had wanted to avoid a horn-confrontation but it appeared as though it would be unavoidable. The Wildfire was prepared to try and catch Panz's horns as he neared, until the stallion suddenly swung to the side. Gaucho couldn't tell if it was his minor-tremor which had thrown him off, or if perhaps he was stung by an insect. He watched confused as the splattered unicorn's hind-end suddenly swung to the right. It was his confusion that ultimately enabled what would come next, for it encouraged a lack of movement on Gaucho's part. Even his primitive brain couldn't interpret what it was the stallion was doing until it was too late.

Planned or not the unicorn's body was suddenly closer than Gaucho expected. Almost immediately a feeling like a scorching line of fire blossomed around Gaucho's shoulder, moving steadily upwards. Or at least it felt like it was. Unable to feel the point of impact - Panz's horn tip - the dun didn't immediately pull away. The instinct to lessen the severity by distancing himself from the pressure didn't register, for there was no pressure to feel. Instead in the fraction of a second after the pain set in Gaucho actually leaned into the jaded horn which only succeeded in tearing his flesh more.

The inability to feel was proving to be much more of a hindrance than the Wildfire ever thought possible.

Unable to tell her bonded fast enough of his mistake, Mara did the only thing she could think to do: attack in his stead. As Panz's horn sliced the darkened skin of her bonded, Mara's lightning fast reflexes took over. Holding onto Gaucho's antlers with the end of her tail, her long slender body streaked towards the right side of Panzram's neck. Glistening fangs dripping with venom sought to find the flesh of the unicorn.

As Mara's body retracted Gaucho threw himself to the left away from the searing pain that had now enveloped the right side of his neck. His right wing snapped downwards instinctively for the strain of holding it upwards pulled at the muscles in his neck. If he hit the crest of Panz's neck with its descent so be it, although he was vaguely aware of Panz's head lowering as well as the snapping of teeth. Roaring with pain Gaucho's hind-quarters swung to the left as he retreated to try and bring his bulk around so that he would be facing the horned devil. Blood dribbled down his neck where a fairly lengthy incision had been made. The dun couldn't remember the last time such a mark had been placed upon his body. It was both exhilarating and frustrating. Had he gotten soft? Or had he merely found an opponent worth sparring? Time would tell. Perhaps the unicorn simply got lucky.

Gaucho's nose dropped and tilted slightly to the right. As much as he wanted to let his nose touch the ground he refrained - blood would exit the wound much more quickly if he allowed gravity to interfere. Grunting as magic gurgled once again in this veins, incited by the blood spilled by Panzram, two large shapes spilled from his antlers composed entirely of fire. One was a bear and the other a stag, but both were nearly as large as Gaucho was. The duo lunged forward, with the stag aiming for Panz's right shoulder and the bear for his left. Claws and horns stretched outwards meaning to target the stallion's chest and shoulders, aiming to push him backwards with their fiery assault, away from their wounded conjurer.

Gaucho used Mara's eyes to inspect the wound, trying not to let the pain that tore through his mind reflect in his gaze. It was long - nearly half a foot, though only the center was very deep. That was the point at which Gaucho had leaned it. Were it deeper the Wildfire might have conjured a small bird to cauterize the wound. Although after his second flaming attack on the unicorn he doubted this little dance would last long enough for that to be necessary.




Setting: Midday. Average temperature, slight breeze. Set near one of the edges in a grassy field with a stream running through it.

Summary: Gaucho lowers his head thinking Panz is going to horn attack him and is surprised when he flips around to be close to him. Because he can't feel he actually leans into Panz' horn attack on his neck for a moment - at the same time Mara strikes trying to bite the right side of Panz's neck using her venom. Gaucho pulls away and spins to try and face Panz, using his magic to conjure a bear and a stag composed of fire who try to attack the unicorn's shoulder simultaneously.

Timeline: Regular
WC: 800
Attack: 2.3
Teaching notes:

NICE! I think you really blended in a mixture of emotions and history into this post. None of it felt phoney to me, and I really felt Panz's desire to show Gaucho whose boss in tension with the "fuck why did I underestimate you."

I also like how Panz' strategy is to stay close to Gaucho. This makes a lot of sense, since most his attacks are long range (like body slamming, fire throwing etc). But don't forget about Mara! She's good close range! :D

My only suggestion is to make sure your attacks are very clear. I had to re-read your attack a few times and I'm still not sure I've got it right. I think it's because there's a lack of directionality (You're trying to hit Gauchos' neck, but where? Which of his hooves are you snapping at? Front or back? Left or right?) This sentence also started awkwardly: My head lowered towards the earth to build momentum, I suddenly swung upward with a dangerous thrust of my horns - before that you write that Panz 'throws himself into the present', but nothing suggests he actually starts moving. So I was sort of surprised when all of a sudden he was building momentum. Then he 'suddenly swing(s) upward' - does he stop? Or just he try to crash into Gaucho? It can't be that he crashes into him, because then you write, While I did this, I swung my hind legs quickly towards the right, pivoting in a half circle. Since I don't know which side you're coming from I don't know if this is meant to hit him. I also don't really understand the mechanics of this maneuver. I'm now assuming he's coming from .... Gaucho's right side? Because if he swings his ass to the right, that would push his nose towards Gaucho's neck, which is I think what you want since he tries to attack that area.

But then there was this: To try and prevent the stallion from completely avoiding my upward jab, I snapped at his hooves with a rush of adrenaline. So far it is going like this in my mind: Panz lunges forward with his horn down, throws his ass outwards to become more or less parallel (or maybe just perpendicular) with Gaucho (facing roughly the same direction on Gaucho's right), and then raises his horn to attack his neck. So how is he ALSO going to snap at Gaucho's hooves? If this was supposed to come before it's really confusing that you wrote it after - but it seemingly can't come after the horn attack since the whole point was that you wanted the biting to make it so he couldn't avoid the horn jab.

Lastly, I wonder about the realism of avoiding Gaucho's spiked collar for this attack. I mean, the leather sits around his neck and on his shoulders, so if he was close enough to hit Panz with his shoulder, how could Panz avoid the spikes?

Table coding by the lovely Sevin!
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.



Messages In This Thread
Kaleidoscope of loud :: Panzram spar - by Gaucho - 12-17-2014, 10:52 PM
RE: Kaleidoscope of loud :: Panzram spar - by Gaucho - 01-05-2015, 05:19 PM

Forum Jump:


RPGfix Equi-venture