the Rift


[JUDGED] The same heart beats | Meg
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#5

Gaucho felt - actually felt the hit, unlike his previous spar with Panzram - causing a wave of satisfaction to roll and ebb through his core. His left shoulder collided with something solid - though because of his bulk he was unable to discern exactly what part of her he had hit. He was big, she was small, but he had hit his target ... somewhere. With a grunt the dun realized that he could quite easily injure his warrior if he wasn't careful. Although he never would during a regular spar, there was no principled reason his body couldn't deal lethal damage. His antlers certainly could pierce veins if they were applied with the right force. Not to mention the tines and the spikes around his neck could more than easily take out an eye or sever a ligament.

This time at least his slam wasn't accompanied by any sort of blood curdling scream to indicate significant damage. However as a few seconds passed Gaucho realized that nearly no sound escaped the mare, except for air being shoved from her lungs. Gods he wished he could see! All that his gaze picked up was grass being thrown upwards as her invisible body was shoved to the left. It seemed surreal, as if he truly was fighting with a creature who possessed invisibility. Why had it taken until now to realize what a huge benefit becoming invisible would be? Why hadn't he thought of this sooner?

However now was not the time for selfish planning. Easily his primitive mind rolled back into action, following Meg's roll to the left with a darkened ear positioned on where noise was coming from. Suddenly the sound stopped and the dun could no longer hear Meg's hooves pounding against the earth. Hissing to gain Gaucho's attention the snake projected the image of Meg standing only a few feet away. She appeared to be breathing hard - likely catching the breath Gaucho heard fly from her lungs, and flexing a wing. Was that blood? It wasn't as though he could zoom in on Mara's vision, and the way she viewed the world was quite different from him. Still, it seemed he had hit her shoulder where he intended.

Gaucho's hindquarters swung around, bringing his blue-striped chest to face where Meg stood, although he could only see her shadow upon the grass (although given the dipping sun her shadow position made her look farther than she actually was. If not for where it connected to her hooves the Wildfire would have been looking about 3 feet in the wrong direction).


Gaucho heard the song of Meg's wings pushing down on the air as she took flight. It was a sound that pegasi knew instinctively, one they had grown up around. There was no mistaking that sound. Meg knew he was on his quest - knew that he would lose his senses. But did she know which one he currently had lost? Perhaps ... perhaps that's why she had stopped and faced him, to see if his gaze would immediately snap to hers, or if it would linger on the ground. That why she flies the dun thought grimly. It was clever. Very clever. In the air there were extra directions from which he could be attacked (above and below) and he would no longer be able to use her shadow or the grass to detect her movements. It would be all instinct and Mara.

Good he thought, pride and intrigue flooding his veins. Pride for the natural tactician Meg was proving herself to be, and intrigue to see just how well he'd be able to handle his blindness in the air.

Mara's hissing and mental projection revealed that Meg was heading directly for him. She was skimming the ground low, so that even now he was still taller than she. He could not see her, but could see the grass stir with every downbeat of her wings. Gaucho leaned back, fanning his flaming wings from his sides and snapping them downwards sending a blast of fire straight forward - in the direction he thought his warrior was coming from.

On your left! She called as his wings returned to their resting state, although now that Gaucho was facing her rather than facing away as she had assumed, her fake-out proved detrimental in a different way. Instinctively Gaucho looked left in time to feel her body slam against his left shoulder, and twinging his neck painfully. However her forward momentum painfully pulled his left wing backwards as he felt a bite grace the side of his neck. Gaucho squealed painfully as his left wing delicately pulled inwards to his flank.

How was he supposed to chase her in the air now? His wing tingled as blood flowed back painfully into the muscles, causing them to stiffen and throb.






Timeline: Regular
WC: 800
Attack: 2.3

Summary:

Teaching notes:

I'm happily surprised. These are AWESOME posts given how little you've sparred! I'm happy with how Meg took the landing. In the future though be careful that you're never re-writing something that's happened. I don't think it looks like you did that this time, but it's something to be cautious of. There's a tendency to want to alter small details from one post to another based on what your opponent writes, but you absolutely cannot do this. What usually leads to this is the presence of what I call 'empty space'.

'Empty space' in a spar is when your character pauses or does something that takes up more than a few seconds worth of time. You had a little bit of that here. So, Meg circles around Gaucho and then stops to catch her breath. This is definitely realistic, but what's to stop him from blasting her with fire? If he did that, you'd have to somehow write that into her response without actually changing anything you said she already did. So imagine he completely burned her shoulder. Now it's very weird that she's using that same shoulder to attack him. OR imagine that he takes to the air and follows her. Now what is she doing swooping down and throwing her shoulder into thin air? It's one of the weird things about aerial battles especially, because there's lots of hang time. One thing I've learned about spars is not to write things too far in advance and not to write too many attacks. You never know what your opponent will do, and somethings it actually makes it harder on yourself.

I LOVED that Meg faked Gaucho out. I chuckled out loud as I read that because he would 100% fall for that. A+ for creativity and figuring out Gaucho's handicap and using it against him!

I know you were running out of words, so it could have been that you deleted things that would have added to what I'm about to say, but I'm still waiting for more emotion from Meg. Like, he's almost an idol to her (ish). Isn't she shitty bricks to be sparring him now? Even if he is blind? He's still sort of a tank. Does she think he'll be proud of her? Is she worried about losing her title if she doesn't do a good enough job? If not, why not? Also, given that Gaucho can't see is she worried he'll accidentally murder her without meaning to? Etc.

Lastly, take a look at damage. Gaucho did 10.5pts of damage. His highest is 13.5 and lowest is 8.5. So his attack was more or less in the center of his range. Maybe it was Meg's lack of response, but I think I expected a little bit more from her. Like, she braced herself, got shoved and received four cuts (good!) but there was no cry of pain to indicate her injury. She took a breath after and you mention it affects her flying later which is superb. I think I was just thrown off by her initial lack of response.

Lastly, I'm a HUGE stickler for PP, so I tend to be harsher than other judges do. HOWEVER it is something you should stay a mile away from. This, In a flash, she was behind him. A wide grin on her features, she called out: "On your left!” but she swerved right. With a final swipe of her wings, she came up along his right side and leaned in with her left. Is PP. You can't dictate that Meg comes behind him, or that she comes up on his right side. Gaucho can do anything he wants - he could spin around (meaning she wasn't behind him, but infront), and he could also just disappear (if he had that magic :P ). The point being you can never tell me where my character is, even if you're just trying to map out where yours is. What you want to say is that Meg tried to fly behind him. Or that she tried to come up on his right side (assuming he hadn't moved). Something that qualifies her actions to indicate that you aren't telling me where Gaucho is.

Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.



Messages In This Thread
The same heart beats | Meg - by Gaucho - 12-25-2014, 11:23 PM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Megaera - 12-28-2014, 12:46 AM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Gaucho - 12-29-2014, 01:33 AM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Megaera - 01-02-2015, 12:02 AM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Gaucho - 01-02-2015, 03:27 AM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Megaera - 01-07-2015, 12:39 AM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Gaucho - 01-08-2015, 01:59 PM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Megaera - 01-11-2015, 10:37 PM
RE: The same heart beats | Meg - by Official - 01-28-2015, 12:42 AM

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