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12-27-2014, 01:15 AM
RHOA
I belong anywhere but inbetween
I belong anywhere but inbetween
I don't even know why I'm here. I feel conflicted. I don't understand the sense of obligation I feel towards my herd. I mean, why should I? Mother and Ivezho have just gone off somewhere. Father keep saying it's for the Academy but .. I'm starting to not believe it. Did she leave him? If so, why? And why would she take Ivezho and not me? Perhaps surprisingly I don't feel emotional about it anymore. I did before but now .. now after the egg I just feel empty. I did everything I could and it still wasn't enough but you know what? I think I learned something. I think I learned that it will never be enough. Why try harder, why strive for anything? I'll just fail it, just like I've failed at everything so far. There's no point to it all. Life has no meaning.
Begin existential crisis.
So why am I here? Why do I care? What has the herd done for me? Kept me safe? Oh sure, it isn't like there's a murderer out there or anything. Have we caught them yet? No? Then how am I safe? I don't even have a real job there I just .. .you know, do whatever I"m told. I mean, yes, I understand that I'm young but ... I just feel like I have no worth; no value of my own. I am only important because of my lineage. And yet .. I'm still here. Still patrolling. I suppose I was born with an overactive sense of duty to accompany my under developed lungs. Wonderful.
Now all of that aside, I'm nervous about patrolling this time. This time it's with Tandavi and Cera. Both are so ... so impressive. They have magic, they talk to Gods. They have companions and friends and ... I don't know, a life. Everything that I don't.
(ohandalsoTaviisbeautiful).
I sigh as I glide, trying to swallow all the thoughts currently whirling around. Focus I tell myself, just focus, and don't think about it.
I land with relative ease, although I'm sure I still look fairly awkward. I shiver looking around the grove. Isn't this where ... you know. Adults come to ... do the thing? So why are we patrolling here? I guess a murderer could be anywhere but .. eeeesh. (I can think Tavi is beautiful while still being awkward about sex, okay?!)
"Hello." I offer rather softly just in case things are happening around us. I tuck my wings to my flanks, hiding the pulsing glowing light that emanates from them. Apparently I've beat Cera here I realize, glancing around Tandavi and seeing only her.
Only her.
Gods help me.
Begin existential crisis.
So why am I here? Why do I care? What has the herd done for me? Kept me safe? Oh sure, it isn't like there's a murderer out there or anything. Have we caught them yet? No? Then how am I safe? I don't even have a real job there I just .. .you know, do whatever I"m told. I mean, yes, I understand that I'm young but ... I just feel like I have no worth; no value of my own. I am only important because of my lineage. And yet .. I'm still here. Still patrolling. I suppose I was born with an overactive sense of duty to accompany my under developed lungs. Wonderful.
Now all of that aside, I'm nervous about patrolling this time. This time it's with Tandavi and Cera. Both are so ... so impressive. They have magic, they talk to Gods. They have companions and friends and ... I don't know, a life. Everything that I don't.
(ohandalsoTaviisbeautiful).
I sigh as I glide, trying to swallow all the thoughts currently whirling around. Focus I tell myself, just focus, and don't think about it.
I land with relative ease, although I'm sure I still look fairly awkward. I shiver looking around the grove. Isn't this where ... you know. Adults come to ... do the thing? So why are we patrolling here? I guess a murderer could be anywhere but .. eeeesh. (I can think Tavi is beautiful while still being awkward about sex, okay?!)
"Hello." I offer rather softly just in case things are happening around us. I tuck my wings to my flanks, hiding the pulsing glowing light that emanates from them. Apparently I've beat Cera here I realize, glancing around Tandavi and seeing only her.
Only her.
Gods help me.
