I wasn't exactly sure where I had gone. All I knew was that I went north. I was still relearning these lands, and I'd yet to actually go forward to the north. I hadn't wanted to deal with the snow. I hadn't wanted to deal with the cold. But… today I decided to go north of the Falls, to explore the field that was there once more, and try and learn it up and down.

I was quiet, I was generally quiet. Dainty steps were common, for hard steps jarred up my back and made it uncomfortable. Alas, the figure that I felt in the middle of the fields was not one which I had expected. Was that… Gaucho? I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with him for I doubted he even wanted to see me. After all, I had chewed him out earlier in front of the entire herd.

Still, he was there. I might as well attempt to see what exactly it was that he was doing out here because he really shouldn't be out here at all. He should be standing over the Throat and protecting it like he said he would do.

So, with one word I attempted to make my presence known. "Hello." Not his name. No. Because I wasn't even sure if it was him. And, if wasn't him then I wasn't about to make a fool of myself by assuming that it was. I was already blind. At least I could attempt to look intelligent...

He said my name. Well, at least I knew it was Gaucho. Only he spoke in that rough, low tone that was now circling across the fields. Relatively evenly he said my name, though it seemed as though there was not as much hatred as I would have expected to radiate off of him. Hopefully harsh feelings had dissipated, though I still lacked the belief that he wouldn't cause a situation which could have been avoided had he the ability to communicate a little bit clearer.

Blind eyes looked over to directly where he was standing, though they lacked the focus that should have been there had one been able to see. I could feel Mara there, and I could also feel the tilt of his cranium which seemed to indicate that he wasn't looking directly at me either. My head tilts crookedly, ears flickering forward in a little bit of confusion. So, as if to ascertain this a bit more clearly, I drop my head for a minute, snort quietly and flick my tail, sending a low bit of vibrations through the ground and up through his frame to give me a clearer image. And, as I pulled my head up I also yanked up a piece of grass to make it look less conspicuous. "Gaucho - there will never be a day that I am not blind. However, I don't believe you are actually looking at me. I could be wrong though, the vibrations could be lying." I snorted, slightly amused as a gentle smile curled up my lips.

Oh, this was great. A gentle laugh escaped my maw. "Please, do correct me if I'm wrong, after all I can't see to confirm this. But - how does it feel to be blind as well, Gaucho?" No. I wasn't mocking - simply highly amused that someone else was suffering from the same affliction that I had been my entire life. And if I was wrong, then I would apologize - but right now, the idea of him bumbling around and possibly hitting a tree or another horse was doing everything to keep me amused. "But really. How are you doing? How is the Throat doing? Africa said you took your place as Sultan again…" No more words on the fact that I didn't really enjoy the idea. No. Just… wanting to see what his opinion on everything was - see something from his side, even if only just this once.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

I don't think I'd ever been this amused with an interaction. I could hear his snorting and clacking of teeth. He was struggling, and I could expect nothing less. Careful steps pulled me forward - perhaps I felt sorry for him, but I couldn't let him just continually fumble on my location. "I'm going to touch you on your shoulder - then I'll be a foot away, straight." I explained, offering warning before pressing my maw against his hulking shoulder and inching back a few steps until I was about a foot away. Hopefully that would help him.

From there he spoke, saying that he wasn't blind, saying he could see the landscape around him - just not those which carried souls. "I see shapes from vibrations, but I'm still blind. You're blind in a sense." From there he explains that it was part of a quest, that he had been losing his senses and that he would be glad when it was over. A gentle smile curved up my maw, though I knew now that he wouldn’t see it. "Anyone would be glad when it is over. Losing your senses… it pushes you to the limits." I explain before moving onto a different subject.

He said that he was Sultan, making it look as though he had no choice. He said that the Throat was fine, finding a way to protect their lands with a quest from the Sun God. Now. I hadn't exactly met this Sun God, but I figured that he had to be somewhat similar to Gaucho if he chose him as his leader. Perhaps impulsive. Oh well, it didn't matter at the moment. Gaucho said Sohalia went away with his son t find things for an… Academy? "Is she okay? I haven't seen her in a while… I've been concerned. And… what is this academy?" However, it was his release of air that concerned me the most. "Do you know where she is?"

Concern, complete concern. That is what radiated through my bones at that point. Though, it seemed as though it was mimicked in his veins as well about Africa. "Africa is well, settling into the Falls with Midas and I." And then, the one thing I doubted could come from the stag came - asking if I was okay. "I am better than I have been in the past. Being okay… it's always a work in progress." Gentle words, simply stated - an edge of care in my voice. I may not think he was the best to stand in a diplomatic position, but he was still my family - as were those who resided in both the Throat and the Falls. I would still grieve if I heard of any of them having to suffer pain. I still cared.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

He tensed. I could feel the shift of his pelt under my maw and I was prepared to be knocked over. I was prepared for him to release whatever hatred he had for me at that moment. After all, I had invaded space - I had not been given permission to do this. But, really, I hadn't cared. I was prepared to be bruised and battered, and I would take it if I could help him a little bit.

Yet, he didn't do anything else than almost flinch. As I moved backward, I could feel his head shift, his ears twitching and it felt to me as if he was at least locking onto a part of my frame. Improvement. A gentle grin reached my maw - I was helping him. Maybe he wouldn't accidentally hit someone then. However, he began to speak of Soh… saying her name and then pausing. And, when he says he doesn't know I can feel my heart shatter. He explains the Academy and I take it in until he is finished. I swallow, taking in a breath. "You hurt Sohalia… Not physically - but mentally. She's more fragile than you think. Please… if she comes back, can you have someone tell me. I want to see her… No I need to see her - I need to make sure she's okay." I say, ears falling to the side in pain at the thought that she was out there all alone with a child. Hopefully she was well… hopefully she would come back alright…

But… onto the Academy. "That sounds like a great idea, Gaucho. I'm glad the Throat is opening up to all of this. It's a step forward - and your need for protection for them… It's progress," I said, with what sounded like approval flickering upon my lips - as much as I would refuse to admit it. But, soon he moved onto Midas, saying his name but nothing more. "I'm sure Midas would love to see you. After all, you were brothers in arms, regardless of others opinions." Yes. I was talking about my opinion, my opinion I still held true. Gaucho was kind, but at risk of so many misunderstandings that could lead to problems.

But he was learning, and kinder than I expected. He said he was being okay in the same way - a work in progress. A gentle laugh escaped my lips. But, as soon as he spoke of murder it stopped. I froze, body stumbling back a few steps. Please. Not Sohalia. Please, dear lord, don't let it be her. "I… I didn't know anyone had been murdered. I've been…. Trapped for I don't know how long. I couldn't judge… there was no sun for me to tell if it was day or night. Someone offered to help me back to the Falls after a trip to the Throat when you were gone… instead they kept me in a cave. I fought… I got out and got free but… I've missed so much, apparently." My heart aches, words fumbling. He didn't need to know any of that. He didn't need to know how weak I was. But, really - against anyone Gaucho's size I was useless. It took all I had to keep him from mounting me, from using me. But I also don't know how long I was in there. I don't know how long I fought. But it doesn't matter. I shake my head, pain and uncertainty in my features that I was glad he couldn't see. "I didn't know anyone had been killed. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Do we know who did it?" I finished with, forcing my head back up to meet his gaze, to try and feel his frame and guess what he was feeling.

Why was the world breaking?

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

He was tensing again - definitely noticeably. And I… I was flinching too. I could feel his wings moving, and his body rocking and I was preparing to be injured - to be knocked over. I shouldn't have said it. It had to have angered him. I drop my head, ears flat as I prepare to be struck, run down, mauled. I deserved it after how much I had spoken out against him and I was all too willing to take the brunt of it.

But he didn't. He never actually lunged. He never actually came toward me. It was a shock that he was speaking, not trying to act out the hurt in his soul. "Love is not meant to be easy, Gaucho. You have to work for it. Blood, sweat, tears. It takes the same strength to make a relationship work as it does to fight in battle. You have to put the same effort in." I explained, voice low before I finally allowed my head to raise again. It was the last sentence, though, that caused tears to actually fall. Only a couple, wetting my cheeks, but they fell. "Thank you," It was hoarse, broken. He would come back to tell me. The one who I doubted could do anything except shove things over, act impulsively, and hurt those who cared for him would come tell me because I asked him to.

And, as I explained the time in the caves very brokenly, I felt him move his wings. I wasn't sure why, exactly, but they were higher and his face was lower. I didn't know why he seemed to care. I didn't know why he was suddenly so intently focused on me - I wouldn't have mattered before. But still, he was reaching out, and the two words held such a protective air I almost didn't know how to respond. Everyone who had heard wanted to know the stag who had done it. It was as if this entire thing could be fixed. "I don't know. I don't know who he was." I said, body shrinking a little. "I couldn't describe him any farther than some kind of draft - which is nothing to go searching on for there are plenty of them. There is nothing that you can do. There is nothing that anyone can do." I insisted reaching my maw out and then pressing it against his in an attempt to reassure him. "Do not start a war because someone who isn't even in your herd anymore got hurt. Do not be impulsive. Do not prove to be what I said you were in that meeting." I said, some kind of command in my voice from the years upon years I had been a leader. "I am the worst witness Gaucho. It is gone now. I can deal with the pain - I am well accustomed to it. It will do little to go after some vague figure - which is what I told Alleo and what I told Africa, and if you dare tell Midas or anyone else, it is exactly what I will tell them."

I pause, and even though there are still tears brimming from the pain of that time before I allow words to fall again. "I refuse to be treated as if I cannot help myself because I am blind. There are times that I can even see better than those that have sight." I would not allow him, or anyone else, to label me as weak.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

Really? He was going to shake his head at me? I snorted, stomping as I finished explaining how fighting required the same amount of strength. "Don't shake that looming head at me, Gaucho." I said, ear pinning back for a second. "You may not think it is the same - but it does require the same amount of strength. You just have to use that strength in a different way." Oh, but it wasn’t worth it. He didn't seem to understand what she was talking about, and it almost hurt, that she couldn't help him so that he didn't hurt Sohalia again.

But, then he pushed. He wanted to know who had done this to me. I couldn't. There was nothing to explain. But having to think about it, to try and imagine it to give information - it hurt. And so I was crying. I didn't want to cry. Hell. I shouldn't be crying. I would never have allowed myself to do this with anyone else. I would never have allowed the tears to fall unless I knew that I couldn't be seen by others, unless I knew I could completely collapse and not have to worry about standing and being strong.

He had to have seen. Mara had to have let him see. Why else would his wing suddenly be touching me? Why else would he attempting to comfort me? I almost begged that he stop trying to protect me. I had Alleo. I had Midas. I had Cera. But, it was Gaucho's grunt of what seemed to be confirmation that forced me to completely snap back out of it. A sigh, a choke. "Thank you for caring, Gaucho. But I don't think you ever really cared before, it is rare when others do. I don't expect it to change because you're blind. I don't expect it to change because of one bad situation. So unless I'm wrong and you actually cared, I don't expect you to try and fix things now." I said, eyes closing shut for a moment.

And then he changed topics, listing names. Phaedra. Soh's daughter. They were the ones that stood out to me. "I knew Phaedra. We talked once, seemed sweet. I'm sorry for your losses. Does Soh know about Skysong? Unfortunately, I do not know the others. If I can help, at all, I want to." I didn't say anything about how I wouldn't know someone's colours - how I couldn't judge anyone off of that. I didn't want to get into a fight. I didn't have the strength to deal with that.

I didn't know if Gaucho even knew what he wanted to do anymore. Something had changed in him… that was all I knew.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

He said he always cared. Sure, maybe he cared because I was a part of his herd but I don't think he cared. He tried. He protected because that was all he knew, but I didn't think he cared, deep down cared. I sigh, listening to each of the words that start to fall from his lips. "Gaucho. You care about safety, but I'm not sure you care about the relationships within the herd." I pause, eyes closed as I usually did when I was attempting to figure out how to word what I was going to say. Simpler. I knew I needed to make it simpler.

I exhaled as he grit his teeth, still struggling to find a simple way to explain it. "You have your companion, Mara. You keep her safe. You understand her. You feel each other. You talk, you explain, you are both there." Again, I'm pausing, frustration in my eyes as I still fight to come up with something that he would understand. "I'm sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I'm trying to keep it so it makes sense. But, Gaucho. Caring is more than flying around the borders and keeping them safe. Sure, the herd will know they are safe inside but they don't know that you, specifically you, care enough to go to that later. If you want to show you care, for most of us here, it requires words. Maybe not the most eloquent words, Gaucho, but words. Words that show some kind of understanding of the situation. Gaucho, all I've seen from you is an impulsiveness towards battle and fighting. I've seen you protect those of the herd, but I've never seen your frame relax and simply be when there is nothing to protect them from."

I choked, backing up a few steps - preparing to be hit, preparing for this entire thing to happen. "I understand if you want to hit me - to fight me for even daring to speak to you like this. But you cannot learn if you do not see what is wrong. If you don't want to hurt Sohalia again - if you want a herd to be completely behind you… Gaucho you have to learn about them. You have to speak with them and know them." I pause, sharply taking breath in. "Please, Gaucho. Tell me what you knew about me before today. Tell me what you thought. What about me made you care other than the fact that I was a Throat Citizen?"

It was an attempt. I had to make him see. I had to make him understand. It was his fighting and willingness to charge into battle that had caused Sohalia's hurt. I just wanted him to start to understand that sometimes caring wasn't about protecting them at the cost of your life. Sometimes caring is being at their side as they fight their own daemons.

And he said Soh knew about Phaedra, but not Skysong. "I will look for Note if you can describe his build and demeanor for me. And when Soh returns, I will be there for her as long as she needs me. She is family for me too. She took me in and gave me a second chance when most refused to believe I had a use." I said, trying to stand firm when deep down I knew that I could be rolled over in an instant and never actually return to the Falls.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

He was exasperating. That much I knew and had accepted a while ago. His anger seemed to take full force in just one word and I flinched backwards, eyes squeezing shut and ears falling back as I prepared for some kind of physical pain to befall me. Yet, instead of attacking he simply began to speak - a lot more than I would have ever expected of him.

I took them in, feeling the shaking of his crown and the movement of his wings. Though, I had to send another wave of vibrations, lowering my maw for a second to see just exactly where he was patting. His heart. However, I did not interrupt, I simply allowed him to continue speaking in his broken, third person english. I could understand, though, and that was what mattered at the moment.

So, when he finally paused I allowed the words to slip. "Yes. It starts off without a reason - I will agree with you on that. You must care from your heart. But when you care you invest time. For those you truly care about you should know information about them beyond their outward appearances. I don't expect you to have known me. And while I'm grateful someone thinks I'm pretty - for I highly doubt I can be - it doesn't matter and it shouldn't, as you said. My point is not that you have to know things to care, but that if you care you will take the time to learn them. It is hard, when on the other side, to know that someone cares when they are never there beside them."

I pause, voice freezing so that it didn't shake, so that it didn't show that I was actually uncertain of if he was going to kill me or not. No. I would appear strong, for the most part. "Gaucho. If you don't relax at times you put unneeded stress upon yourself. You risk making yourself sick when you need to be strong. One can not be alert all the time - one has to have time to rest. Why not rest with those you love? Why not also show them a soft side, that I'm sure has to be there when you care so much for Sohalia and your children." I shake my head, letting out a short breath. "I'm not sure how else to explain. You are right in that these facts don’t matter to care. But you are also wrong. Because if you don't take the time to learn them… sometimes others don't know that you care."

I stop broaching the topic. I'm not sure we should keep beating the dead wraith when we were going in circles. Pegasus, tallish, lightning magic and a feline companion. "Lithe or thick? Is he graceful, cautious, quiet, or loud? Does he seem confident or withdrawn?" I needed more, really, for I felt with those words he could be any pegasus I ran across. I had to narrow down my search if I wanted to let him know about his child so that he could be there for Sohalia if necessary.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

If my stare could go any blanker than it already was, that was the stare Gaucho was receiving as he explained Note further to me. Very little was given, even with my prompting of the things I was trying to remember. Something about a scar (which I wouldn't be able to see unless it was thick and protruded from his side, which I doubted) and him being grey. Yes. Definitely helpful. Weak, but I doubted it. I would assume he was mentally more capable, one who perhaps wished to hide in the shadows like the Czarina Seele had done. She was strong… just in a different manner. She had been strong… until she no longer was. He wasn't confident, though, and that could assist. Perhaps his movements would show that.

Regardless of the exasperation which made me have a very strong desire to yell at Gaucho and tell him that what he said wasn't helpful, I bit my tongue. "Thank you - I'll do my best to search for him." After all, it seemed that both of us were getting annoyed at each other.

Another sigh escaped Gaucho's lisp as I felt his cranium lift towards the skies. A yawn, and then he returned his gaze back to me. He said it was late and that he must return, but that he would come to the Falls soon. That he needed to talk to Midas and that he might see me then. I nodded my head though he couldn't see it. "If you, or Midas, wish for me to be there I shall do my best to be there." I responded. I still respected him for his strength - I just didn't trust him to always make the most intelligent decisions when it came to politics. They were two separate entities. And, until I saw him use his strength to injure someone who did not deserve it, that respect would stay. "Be safe Gaucho. Do what you can for the Throat family - but remember you are not a God, you cannot forever work without relaxing, sleeping, finding moments of peace." There is a pause. "I must return as well - Alleo and Africa are probably worried. And know, Gaucho, if I hear news of Sohalia I will come to the Throat and tell you. It is a two-way bridge, one I do not wish to burn."

And with that, I swished my tail and cantered off back toward where the Falls was. Back toward my home so that I could rest in peace with Alleo for the night. I could only hope that Gaucho had learned something from our talk. I could only hope that I had helped him.

Rasta

you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and
blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you