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02-22-2015, 01:10 AM
| How many times had I walked away from her hoping that she’d relent and give in to me? I believe this was the second time and counting… I held no reservations for how our relationship would be and considered this another dip between the hills that was our sanctuary. Days and weeks had passed so blissfully until now and that made me question what that time had actually meant to her… if anything at all. It was certainly growing harder for me to hold on to something that clearly wanted to be left alone, uncherished. Whatever demons lurked in her past could stay there, because this was the future, she was looking at it… watching as it walked away. The night was chill and empty; it held promises of sleeplessness if I continued and that was something I wasn’t sure I could deal with. I abhorred the idea of losing myself to my thoughts, to my thoughts of the past, and to my thoughts of Evangeline. I’d managed to move on with my life after Tamira and after Essetia, but I was left once again facing the dark corners of what love often hid from its unsuspecting victims. Everywhere I turned was a dead end only suited for unhappiness… I wasn’t quite sure which way I supposed to go. Dew had started to accumulate along the new spring grass and the smell of it reminded me of rain and early morning. How many mornings would I have to suffer without her this time? Truthfully we had only shared sleeping quarters a handful of times and always respectfully so, but that didn’t make it any less significant in my mind. At times I would awaken hours before her in order to admire her beauty and her innocence and her ability to trust me… but was it really trust? Was it anything like I’d imagined when first courting the Pure? I thought my heart to be in the right place and at one time I’d assumed hers in a similar position and yet every time I’d been wrong. I’d been so dearly, utterly, and fantastically wrong. This was my proof. I tried to listen when she continued her tantrum, but it was increasingly difficult after hearing such venomous remarks only moments before. On another note, these things were all points that had never been mentioned before. How was I supposed to know that she didn’t trust me or that some prior situation had made her bitter? These were all things that had remained in shadow until this night and somehow I was expected to understand? I was involved in a one-sided relationship, one I’d been able to fabricate until this moment and this point in time… I felt like a fool, a damn fool, so much so that I couldn’t seem to bring myself to answer her or respond to all of the problems she’d decided to bring up months too late. I wouldn’t be taken for everything I was worth, not again. Yet… my heart said differently. Maybe I was a forgiving man or perhaps it was the way apologies sounded coming from her lips, but I had to turn, I had to see it in her eyes despite the many times I’d imagined something else. “We can’t keep doing this,” I replied forlornly. I knew this was just another instance of me giving and her taking, but I didn’t care. I was ready to lay down my heart for Eva, no matter the cost. If pain and suffering was all that remained for us then I would endure… I would persevere. “But honest to God Eva, I can’t be without you.” THOR
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Lines by Tamme! Paddeh Coloring
