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02-10-2015, 08:35 PM
By my verdict: HECTOR is the winner!
CIRRUS
Realism [+3]
:: I think you could have taken a hair less damage in your post 3- what you gave me I might have ranked as a 4, instead of a 3.
:: I wish Cirrus wouldn’t have gone to the ground in your defense post- ending down at the end of a fight is really compromising and I don’t know that the attack warranted it.
:: Great job keeping scenery and character differences in mind throughout!
Emotion [+2]
:: Good job setting up the rationale behind an otherwise seemingly random spar.
:: Cirrus’ emotions were beautiful throughout, and I was really drawn into her character.
Prose [+4]
:: Beautiful imagery about the sky / Cirrus’ body in post 1
:: It was obvious that you took great care to edit your posts- well done!
Readability [+2]
:: Post 1, there was a moment where you were talking about Cirrus’ father, and then transitioned to talking about Hector, but I thought you were still talking about her father. The transition wasn’t entirely clear to me.
Finally tally: 35.5+(11*2)= 57.5HP
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HECTOR
Realism [+2.5]
:: Her looming form was as pasty as the mist and freakishly well camouflaged As described in her first post, Cirrus’ body was covered in stars from the sky and only her limbs were foggy, to my understanding.
:: she was small in comparison, swift upon her feet and far nimbler than he Careful to pay attention to the stats- Hector’s agility is actually far superior to Cirrus’, as his is 9 and hers is 3.
:: I think you took enough damage in post 1, but it was slightly hard for me to tell. I couldn’t quite understand if he just lost his breath, or if he had cracked a rib. In post 2, I got the clarity I wanted the post prior.
:: Good job keeping the scenery in mind throughout the fight.
Emotion [+1.5]
:: I did like the way you worked in his consideration of how to find her in the fog, despite her passive magic, and displayed his warrior’s mind.
:: I also enjoyed the way you constantly kept the hellhound in mind, as he didn’t know it was gone.
:: The task of finding Cirrus, no doubt, would be just as straightforward as finding a Boggart in the woods. Hilarious!!
:: There were moments where I really was connecting with Hector, but at other times I felt like I was being told rather than shown his emotions.
Prose [+3.5]
:: (away also, from next explosion of pain through his barrel) the next explosion
Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns
Finally tally: 39.5+(10.5*2)= 60.5HP
