i won't be saved

in my sleep, i thrashed, kicked, screamed. my heart raced and my body trembled. all i saw was seele's body crumbling inwardly, the shadows striking like vipers, breaking her bones with each blow. i could hear the crunch and crack of each one of her ribs as they collapsed, tearing open her lungs. my throat catches a knot, my mouth gaping as within the shadows the Skin Walker stands, wicked grin curled in a devious smile that bore deep into my mind. she cackles as her sharpened teeth sink into seele's flesh, tearing at the tender skin that blankets her muscle. My legs are stiff, glued to the earth leaving me unable to run frantically to seele's side.

my eyes open, a sense of falling causing me to shiver and shake, heart pounding in my chest. looking around, i notice the warmth at my side, that my wing is draped over another body. turning my head with surprise rising within my breast, i lift my wing gently to peer at a champagne body, blue light washing outlining the warm frame. my ears perk up as i realize who it is tucked beneath my wing. a smile crawls over my face, my nose rushing to touch the tan shoulder of my best friend. being in her presence brought me peace, joy, but i could feel my stomach twist and churn as butterflies tore through it with joyous purpose. i feel compelled to kiss her shoulder, to tenderly touch her and caress her skin. i watch as i move closer, lips gliding over her neck before whispering, "sia, —sia." i listen to the beating of her heart, feeling her warm body ripple beneath me. she raises her head, facing me with her face a wicked, eyes serpent-like, a sickening smile crawling across her lips. "hello, amara." my heart stops as the familiar voice of the Skin Walker rings out, body tensing. I watch sia's body grow long, deep scratches, her white ribs shining with crimson blood, flesh ripping and tearing, bones snapping and crunching just as seele's. her blood stains my coat, splattered against the ground, tainting the earth.

bounds and leaps, dashing and frantic with my heart beating faster with each powerful step. i run as fast as i can, wings open to catch the wind in hopes that i'll be able to reach the sky. it takes longer than expected, the wind finally curling beneath me and allowing me to glide forward at a slow pace. i push myself, lungs grasping for air, desperately attempting to take deep inhales as i push forward.

i fly for a while, mind still racing with the imagery of seele's death dancing through, sia's torn body laying beside me causing shivers down my spine. i find myself hovering over the throat by midday, mouth gaping as i scream out for sikeax, praying she's alright, craving her company more than anything. "SIA—!!" i call, repeating her name over and over, scanning the ground below for the familiar champagne body. i angle my wings, legs reaching forward as i begin to tumble through the skies, wings flailing frantically as i plummet to the ground.

i hit the earth solidly, shoulder rolling beneath the weight of my body, wings tossed about as i lay in the middle of the throat screaming and sobbing as intense pains wreck my left side. something in my wing joint doesn't feel right, it feels off. "it's dislocated you stupid weepy bitch." i turn my head up to watch the skin walker's form ripple, shedding my mother's skin so it's just a body of muscle walking towards me, thick red muscles contracting and expanding as the beast walks, brown splotches beginning to flower along the shoulders, spreading like wild fires up the neck and down the barrel, chestnut fur seeping from the flesh of the joints, glass shards sprouting from the hooves, connecting together seamlessly. from beneath the eyes white fur and pale skin begin to sprout beneath empty sockets. a yellow blob expands from within the sockets, darkened irises flourishing within the golden bulbs. suddenly i recognize the face, the skin walker's grin crawling up into a sick smile. "familiar, am i? my body shakes as i try to roll over and get up, but i feel too sickly to do anything and instead lay with my neck outstretched, eyes welling with tears as the small stitches i'd begun to sew through my heart to fit it back together are torn out one by one, a small gasp as it happens making me quiver, body horribly shaky as i raise my head to give out one last weak whimper for sia's presence.

the feels are coming ; _ ; also tag me in your replies !!

It was now obvious that it was for the better that she was born without wings. They were so frail and accident-prone, ready to break at any point in time. Her horn never shattered, the light never dimmed and it was able to be used from whatever task she may of found it useful. Wings only let you fly, and having seen so many(well, just Amara) plummet from the sky in the past, no amount of stories courtesy of Cera could repair the new-found fear in flying. Walking up Amara in the state she was in now, Sikeax decided it was an empty dream not worth chasing.
Amara was life, a piece of Sikeax's existance that was clung to with a heavy heart in dear hopes that regardless of how Amara's health sunk to the bottom of the sea and could never find the will to pull itself back up to gasp for air, that she'd be okay. Sikeax had always recieved the better of the two. A high ranking that she'd once only dreamed of, a loving family, and a place within a herd that she didn't fit into species wise.
Meanwhile, Amara looked to be on the brink of death no matter where she was located.
The wing was hideous, disgusting, something that made Sikeax's stomach churn when she'll probably see worse in the future. A lump had begun to form in the signs of dislocation, and while she had never faced the task before, there was the fact that she had too learn. Her heart cries a mournful cry while her face is stone cold, frozen deep into horror in what lay before her.
"Amara...... What have you done?" What a kind thing to say to the one that you spend hours wondering if they're still breathing when you could afford that precious free time. There's time for emotions and heart-felt bullshit later because love doesn't put a wing back into the socket.
Drawn down to her knees, she places her right shoulder against Amara's wing, heaving, throwing her full body weight into Amara while desperately listening for the sound of a pop or for her weight to give way. "I'm so sorry..." Tears clot her eyes through the whisper holding back sobs, hooves digging grooves into the sand in the desperate search for foundation.

@[Amara]
"If you could hear me then, can you hear me now?"

Sikeax;

i'm missing the beauty in your soul

i won't be saved

the pain was unbearable, but i knew it was nothing compared to what seele had to face in her last minutes. i felt selfish for crying over nothing but a dislocated joint, the Skin Walker's expression vile as she watches, wearing seele as her new guise. my heart sunk with every second the look of disgust beamed down upon my battered body, my adopted mother looking upset over my childish actions. i murmured over and over again my apology, repeating how stupid and over dramatic i was within my head. "forgive me seele, please. i'm so sorry," my eyes close as i weep into the dry sands of the throat, letting the earth swallow the salty tears streaming from my eyes.

i laid there for what seemed to be forever, under the hateful gaze of the Skin Walker, the demonic being who spoke little else other than mockery and hatred all geared towards me. i finally hear the soft patter of hooves, a familiar gait belonging to the one who now held what was left of my heart and my love. "sia.." i murmur, head rising as i reach for her, body screaming in agony as my weight shifts slightly. a gentle sigh of relief escapes my lips as i watch her approach, champagne body looking radiant and healthy, glorious with its beautiful sheen and perfect tones. she looked like something i'll never be, a runway model with the perfect figure that every girl dreams of having. sometimes i found envy rising within me at the thought of sia's successful life and my pitiful excuse for one, that i was the one being broken in and beaten from the minute i took my first breath. it wasn't fair, what have i ever done to deserve this much pain and ache? why did i deserve to be abused by fate, i've done nothing wrong but exist. everyone i love ends up dead, but why? they've done nothing to deserve it, if the gods want to punish me why don't they just kill me? they should've just let me die instead of my mother, i should've been stillborn, it would've been much better than living this shitty life.

"she's dead sia, she's dead—" is all can get out before she kneels beside me, and i expect her to brush her nose against my sweaty, scarred neck, but instead she pushes her weight against my mangled wing, digging her dark hooves within the ground and forcefully pushing against the joint. "jesus fuck sia! what the hell are you doing?!" my eyes grow wide as i can feel bone grind against bone, screams and yelps falling from my lips as something clicks and pops, my pieces fitting back together. the swelling muscle throbs dully, my bones still howling in refusal of being snapped back together like a perfect, painful little puzzle.

and suddenly worrying about the pain is pushed back by the forceful wave of self hate and the horrible realization that sia was all i had left. sameira tugs at our tie gently, but i had no recollection of where she had run off to. i hated to see her just as anxious and depressed as i was, torn between her own individual emotions and my own. the poor thing was greatly affected by my horrific turn of depression after seele's death. seele. "she's dead because of me!" i wail at sia, voice cracking as i crumble in once again, my head falling to the earth as i feel the waves of emotion crash over me.

"sia i killed her! it's all my fault she's gone." i mumble, swallowing the large knot that forms in my throat, feeling more tears wash down my cheeks. "i'm so afraid sia, i was so scared you were next. the shadows sia, they're everywhere." saying her name gave me solace, a small twinge of joy in my darkest hour. i reach my head towards sia, eyes wide as i realize she'd faded from my vision. i needed to see her, it brought the happy little butterflies into my stomach, which helped to keep my mind off of the darkness that brewed within my head.

@[Sikeax] • <3

Against every single one of Amara's pleas, the wing returns to it's rightful position, bone snapping back into the joint once Sikeax's weight gives into the other mare. She refuses to drape herself over the chestnut to keep from adding more pain to her friend's already agonizing state. Hatred pours from Amara's lips when they part, throwing knives into the woman's heart.
So that's how all it goes?
Blue eyes watch as the Pegasus ruins herself more, heart pained and drowning in the horrors of all that was unfolding before her. Was Amara killing others? Who had died? She hadn't met any of her friend's acquaintances in the past, and without a name, she could do nothing but stare in terror.
Amara, a murderer? She was in no state to have killed someone, then again, Amara was never in the right state to even inflict pain unless it was with words.
"I'm sorry, I had to fix your wing or you'd never fly again." An excuse to hide her fear blurts from her lips. She dares to not pull herself away. The broken state of the self-entitled murderer was too shattered, and she needed to show some sort of affection to calm their nerves. This was what she had asked for in the past, was it not? She'd asked for screams and cries to be laid upon her ears without mercy that strikes a hot bolt of iron made of-
You were next.
Was she destined to die? If the Pegasus killed her, or even just threatened her, it wouldn't be the first time. Her whole depression had been caused solely by a death threat from Amara.
Ignoring her thoughts and cares, she shuffles herself backwards, driven by the need to free herself from the killer before. What she had saw that day was probably still there.
"Who did you kill," her voice is bitter and hard like a stone, searching for strength that she never really had, "And why? You tried to kill me once, and you succeeded in killing another? Why? Why, Amara?" Possibly, deep down, she doesn't mean to be so harsh and cruel to the face of someone who she has loved like family since their shared, short childhoods, but something fuels her along that smothers her reason and leads her down the path of pure emotion.

OOC: cries Sia is so harsh in this post. I'm so sorry.
@[Amara]
"If you could hear me then, can you hear me now?"

Sikeax;

i'm missing the beauty in your soul

i won't be saved

i had nothing better than to sob, weak and vulnerable upon the red sand. i swore and muttered, feeling stupid and foolish as sia explained that she needed to fix my wing. my weeping had become louder, a tumbling, tortuously loud scream befalls my lips as my lungs collapse and the pure thought of seele being dead slams down into me once again. i'm being torn apart by the thought of never hearing her voice again, knowing i can't run to her when i get upset anymore.

everyone i've ever loved has died, and that means— that means sia has to be next. she's the only other person i've ever loved, and losing her will ultimately destroy me. wallowing in the awful rumbling mess of emotions that cloaks me, my conscious is brought forth with the cold, hollow and bitter words falling from sia's lips. i stop breathing, heart skidding to a halt and eyes welling with tears. my mouth gapes pitifully, throat knotting and constricting, small gasps rolling from my tongue as i struggle to breathe. i'm trembling uncontrollably, left side throbbing and legs shaking violently. "i- i." i choke up, unable to grasp at words as i panic, coughing and choking on something that isn't there. my mind is reeling, trying to find something to hold onto. i'm lost in a void derived of nothing but the need for death, the self hatred and fear swelling beyond my control.

it takes a time before i can summon words, shivering and sobbing as my body loosens and air is forced into my lungs, gasping as i struggle to take in as much air as i can. my heart continues to pound rapidly, prepared to leap from my chest as i finally gather the courage to speak. "s-seele." the name comes out broken and fragmented, sniffles and sobs breaking apart my words. "i didn't mean to— may- maybe if i hadn't been there— maybe then seele would've lived. i didn't ask to be protected— the shadows." i whisper, eyes widening and running to find solace in the light, not daring to rest upon the dancing, blurry shadow of sia. fear swells within at the thought of the shadow leaping forth like a predator and tearing her apart. "it was the shadows! she just- she just wanted to protect me!" i wail, listening to sia press more questions towards me. why? why? she wants to know why? fear and anger, rage and a sense of absolute devastation and anguish wash over me, drowning me and twisting me into something awful. "why?" i blurt out, teeth grinding together in aggravation. "I DIDN'T FUCKING KILL HER!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!" i scream, nostrils flaring and heart pounding, stomach knotting and the butterflies threatening to claw out from their confined space within my gut.

it takes me a few moments of deep inhaling and exhaling to calm myself enough to speak again. "it's my fault she's dead, she tried to protect me and i was too stupid to do anything. i watched her get torn apart. they crushed her like a bug sia, like a big, bloody bug." my voice grows quieter, emotion fading as my face only displays pain and anguish, my body still shaking loosely. glancing up to sia, i murmur quietly to her, "you're all i have left." stretching forward to touch her, any part of her, whatever i could grasp at. i whisper something in that moment, heart racing and stomach flipping, the butterflies angrily biting and tearing at the lining of my gut, praying she doesn't hear them fighting to escape. "i love you sia."

@[Sikeax] • ; __ ;