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03-24-2015, 11:59 PM
By my verdict: ROSTISLAV is the winner!
ROSTISLAV
Realism [+2.5]
You have some great attack and defense responses, and even tied in surroundings well in your first post. I felt your damage was a bit off, being too weak in post 3 for a roll of 6, and too strong in post 4 for a roll of 1. I’d also love to see more of his stat/breed differences brought in to give more realism to his attacks/defenses.
Emotion [+2]
Loved your constant communication with the companion and references to trying the keep the spar light, but it growing personal as she grew so angry!
Prose [+3]
Great flow, imagery, and variety of words all throughout.
Readability [+2.5]
Very readable, just a few minor typos.
POST 2
“... I expect her neck to me.” (be)
POST 3
“...no shortage of arm.” (harm)
Finally tally: 43+(10*2) = 63 HP
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ELSA
Realism [+2]
I thought you took great damage and had good foundations for your attacks and defenses. What I needed was more detail to bring in greater realism, not only with explaining attacks and defenses, but tying in surroundings and breed differences to explain those attacks and defenses.
Emotion [+1]
I found myself wanting to understand her and her motives throughout the whole fight, especially her anger. Your final post seemed the most clear and detailed to me, emotional wise.
Prose [+2]
You have very nice writing, but sometimes it can get choppy with sentence structures and transition of ideas.
Readability [+2.5]
Easy to read, just a few grammar issues.
POST 1
“A small smug smile creeped over her face.” (crept)
“She can hear every blunt thud as he thunders towards her.” (tense change)
POST 2
“"Fuck you." She mutters.” (“Fuck you,” she mutters.)
Finally tally: 31.5+(7.5*2) = 46.5 HP
