Kaj & Kahlua

Fury had pervaded the genial tone of his herd, and Kaj knew that he was one of the majority in that aspect, his anger regarding the Goddess strong and unyielding. Plans had begun to formulate in his mind, thick and cloying, supported by the dissent among his family and his own personal agony. It had led to him keeping close to the borders, echoing in contrast Kahlua's absence, though he was blissfully unaware of that particular parallel. As much as he despised the idea of the Goddess taking refuge in his lands, there was nothing he could immediately do. His own helplessness infuriated him, because for once there was nothing he could do to make things okay. What did his title matter, in the end, if he could do nothing to alleviate the worries and pains of his family? What power did he really, truly have, if he could only frown with sympathy and do nothing? It made him feel weak, useless. Did they look to him to try and change it? Or had they given up hope that they could avoid the oppressive hatred of their patron Goddess?

Kaj, however, was not one to give up easily. And so he slept little, staying up deep into the hours of the nights, contemplating all the ways he could pull his family free from the muck that surrounded the Goddess they'd unfairly been tied to. with it came no peace, but Kaj had resigned himself to that fate, aware that sacrifices had to be made on his end if he were ever to be any steps forward. If those sacrifices ended up costing him his health in ways he considered minimal, then those would be actions he would take upon himself. Kaj had been given mighty shoulders, and he would use them to hold up the weight of his family and all their sorrows, even if it meant the breaking of his bones and splaying of his marrow.

What little peace he had garnered for himself came from the cove of trees that all Edgers knew belonged to him. His kin slept in various spots, often revisiting and claiming those areas for their own. Kaj had long found his own niche, a copse of maples and evergreens that kept him warm and protected in all seasons, a view of beauty when the maples bled red and orange and yellow beneath the weight of autumn. Few sought him out in his little paradise, just as they avoided those claimed by the other herd members. There was little privacy in herd life, and Kaj's duties often had him interacting endlessly with his kin. It was a common awareness that he needed his time alone, when the need or desire struck him, and so the copse had remained in whole untouched by those aside from himself.

So, emerging from his little sanctuary, the king was surprised to nearly fall directly over Kahlua's tracks. Face to face with a thousand loose ends and hurt feelings, shattered remains of his own broken heart worn in the crevices of her irises. Stupidly, he halted, not sure why she was seeking him out. For surely that was what she had intended to do, appearing so close to his sleeping area as she did. "Kahlua?" It fell from his lips heedlessly, before he could even think to swallow down her name and spare himself the grief of each syllable.

Finally his gaze fell to her fully, taking in the whole of her body, in particular the swell of her sides. The swell of a foal.

His entire world crumbled there for her to see, glistening shards at her feet to take pride in.

Kaj had thought there was a limit, to the amount of pain an individual could feel, to the sharpness of each piece of a broken heart. He had been horrifyingly, devastatingly wrong. It lay in the proof of her betrayal, of her lies, that wrote itself into the flesh of her protruding sides. A horrible, strangled sound escaped him, and he backpedaled away from her on shaking limbs. He couldn't imagine what sort of face he was making, what amount of pain he was broadcasting in the initial shock of her countenance. It felt as if hellfire had come to consume him, burn him until his bones were charred and his heart left a throbbing, aching mess of red and ruin in the middle.

His wings came to catch him, for he surely would have fallen in his agony, in the shredding of his heart that seemed to perversely pulse throughout every inch and iota of his poor, wretched being. It finally came to him that he must speak, most detail to her the deep, despairingly intimate wound she had happily handed to him. His tongue was thick in his mouth, reluctant to move. Perhaps choking on it would have been better, a merciful death to keep him from suffering with the knowledge that Kahlua had wanted a foal with anyone but him. He, who had professed his undying, eternal love for her and all her flaws. He, who had stood behind her to catch her should she fall or falter, beside her as her honored equal, before her to lead her in times of darkness. He who had wanted nothing but the knowledge of her love returned, the ability to love her with all the intensity he could muster in his mortal form.

"You're...you're with foal," he choked out dumbly, knees inverted just to keep himself standing. He tried to remind himself to breathe, but every inhale was shaky with the desire to shed tears. Kaj could not allow even that relief, and he wondered if it was masochistic of him to do it in order to spare Kahlua the pain of the sight. He tried to quell the desire to scream, to thrust himself from the precipice of the cliff and either not bother to catch himself or fly off to some distant part of the wilds where he would never have to see her beautiful face again. And through all the questions that battered his mind, with all the possibilities that faced him in that moment, poised to slice his throat into a wicked grin of blood and sacrifice, only one was verbalized.

"Why?"

Why did you break my heart? Why wasn't I good enough? Why didn't you tell me that you were in love with someone else? Why can't I make you happy? What did I do wrong? Where did I lose you?

Why am I so incapable of being loved? Why must you show me, knowing that all I ever wanted was to make you happy?