Kaj & Kahlua

Kaj.

She had hardly been paying attention to where she was going, or how she was going to find him, but find him she had- and there he was. For a moment, all that was wrong in the world became right. He was there… She was home- that was one fact she knew with certainty, no matter where travels might take her. No matter where she went, or what troubles weighed upon her, being with Kaj was like coming home. Her heart, heavy with its burden, became light; her eyes, downcast and listless, grew brighter as they raised up to look at him; even her hooves, weighted down with lead restraints, seemed to break free of their chains.

Until he said her name. And she knew, in that moment, that nothing about this conversation was going to go right. He was looking at her, but then… then he was looking at everything else too. Her sides, her stomach, the widening there that was telltale of the parasite within her. She wanted to hide, to disappear, to shrink back into the shadows where she could be safe from that judgmental gaze. He gasped, shirked away from her, and the queen’s eyes began to fill with fluid. The scene was too similar- Res backing away, Kaj backing away.

No, she wanted to cry out. No, come back. But how could she ask him to? She knew what this looked like, she knew what thoughts must be going through his head. Liar, he would say. And oh, she wanted to tell him he was wrong. She wanted to cry out and scream, and tell him everything that had happened, but she stood there dumbly because she didn’t know what to do. Her rock, her anchor, the man that made the world disappear when he draped his wing over her back… He was leaving her, rushing away, and she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

And so when he finally spoke, his words were like a knife into her heart. Yes, she was with foal… Why??? WHY?? She wanted to scream. That was the question she wanted to ask- the question she had no answer to. Why had she been approached by a god? They knew her heart and soul. She spoke to them nightly, giving them all of her troubles and all of her sorrows. How many nights had she prayed to them for same guidance? Some idea on how to make a relationship with Kaj work, when he wanted a family and she wanted freedom. They knew. THEY KNEW! she wanted to scream suddenly, because it was so unfair. They knew and they approached her anyways.

And how was she supposed to say no?

How was she, a mere mortal, supposed to stand before the Father Earth and tell him no. No I won’t have your foal, no I won’t return balance to Helovia, no I won’t replace your STUPID DEAD SON HOTOTO. No was all she had to say, and no was the one word that she hadn’t been able to.

Around her, the soft song that nature made around her began to whip into a frenzy, reflecting her emotional turmoil. What had been a harmonious tune, though melancholy, began to twist into something darker… angrier. The calls of the birds became sharp instead of smooth, cutting through the wind that seemed to rattle and rustle the trees with more fervor than they had before. The gentle croak of the tree frogs became dissonant as their uneven notes laid over top of one another. But for all the noise, Kahlua heard nothing. She only heard Kaj’s voice- why- echoing in her mind.

Why was the only question she didn’t have an answer to.

“It was the Earth God,” she choked out as tears began to slip down her face. “After… After the Moon Goddess. Gods Kaj.” Her last two words bit through the air, disgust filling her voice. Her heart would never know how to handle this woman that brought death, but who had also raised the Sunshower up through too many dark nights. Was she really evil, or was there more to her? “Kaj, I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t say no,” she whispered then, tears drying as she looked at him, daring to see some change there. Would he care, or would the excruciating pain she had seen there still live upon his face for the world to see?

She wanted to say more- she had so many words that wanted to fall out of her mouth, to explain to him what was wrong and to try and make things better, but there was no use wasting breath on a soul that didn’t want to hear them. She lingered, waiting, hoping to see that wing extend for her. She needed him. He was the only thing in this world that could make her right.