CIRRUS
Realism [+2]
You’ve got a great eye for fighting mechanics as you handled your attacks and dodges very well. You started really strong in your first post, especially using the sand to assist with your attack.

In your second post I really felt you needed more injury given the damage rolled was a 5 and all you took was a bruised right hind which then never seemed to hinder you the rest of the battle. I really liked your spear attack, but felt you needed more time/distance to get that abrupt lift off that lead into your second attack and aerial maneuvers. You had excellent references to scenery though.

In your third post I enjoyed seeing your comparison of the injury sustained in the air vs. the ground, but again the damage sustained didn’t seem to be enough, especially considering the attack used the very rump damaged not long after. I’d liked to have seen more attention paid to the difficulty of fighting in the air, regarding the need to keep and gain momentum since there’s nothing for you to push off of.


Emotion [+2.5]
I really loved her motive to fight, especially in that first post where she’s trying to get back into her old home, live up to her father, and become the wild warrior that was previously always held in check. I could definitely feel the tension racing between her and Bucephalus the entire fight.


Prose [+3]
Lovely and consistent writing throughout the whole fight!


Readability [+1]
Easy to understand, just some typos or grammar issues that popped up.

Post 1:
"From rage." (fragment)
"...neither were the far..." (they)
"...left side of her face or neck region" (his)

Post 2: Several times you switched up tenses.

Post 3:
“A deep grunt exited the mare's lungs, and again she ground her teeth as her ears dove deeper beneath the dreadlocked mane atop her poll, casting cruel, vicious glances at the dark stallion.” (run on)
“...darkening surrounds too…” (surroundings)


Finally tally: 50.5 + (8.5*2) = 67.5 HP


BUCEPHALUS
Realism [-3]
Although you had some good attacks and overall a sense of timing, I really felt that you weren’t taking proper damage or generally providing enough detail in your posts to bring out sufficient realism. For instance in your first post Cirrus had rolled a 6 damage, but all you took was a tear to his neck and a buck to his chest, which winded him briefly. A 6 damage should leave an injury that constantly affects you the entire fight - Buce goes on to rear and strike at Cirrus, with the very chest muscles that should have been in agony!

Be careful too, you worded it like powerplay in saying “Her back is to us” - you cannot say for certainty that it is, you only have control over your own character,

Like emotion I need you to not just tell me something hurts, but how it hurts, why it hurts, and what the hurt causes (i.e. restricted attacks/movement). In that same post you did great using the sand to make a whirlwind, but I see no effects from the sand on you, which should have been happening especially since Cirrus included the sand specifically in her kick attack.

In your second post you sustain appropriate injury for the damage roll of 2, but again there’s not enough detail for me to really feel like it hurt and affected you at all. The realism really fades for me when Bucephalus, from the ground (which I thought kneeling was a great evasion!), shoves his shoulder into Cirrus as she’s attacking him on her way by. You never said he stood up, and in fact a sentence or two after his attack say that he stands up, so I’m not even sure how he managed to do that. On top of that, you never really say if Cirrus’ attack hit him or not, and if so what the injury was, so it felt like you mostly ignored her second attack there.

I would have liked to see more attention paid to how Bucephalus flew off so well, especially given his hurt chest, and how his attack of kicking down with all 4 legs towards her gave him enough momentum to continue flying up and away. Aerial battles need a lot of detail about how speed and momentum are obtained/retained since you have nothing to push off of.

I liked you using Cirrus’ dark points to track her in the sky!


Emotion [+2]
I really felt you handled the emotion excellent in this fight, especially in that first post where Buce let Atlan consume himself and the usage of “we” and “us” from then on - even the clarifying statement that you wanted different things from the fight was a nice touch.


Prose [+3]
You had some beautiful and consistent writing all throughout the fight!


Readability [+2]
Mostly everything was clear, just a few typos detailed below and also I would have liked to see more explanation of who He (Atlan) is, especially in your first post.

Post 2:
"...us down(except for..." (space needed before parenthesis)
"...were fighting(mentally) blind..." (space needed before parenthesis)


Finally tally: 31.5 + (4*2) = 39.5 HP