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The throbbing in my chest was getting deeper—not harder or anything, not any more painful than it already was, but it was pulling on me in a way I couldn’t ignore anymore; there were even still little hiccups in the back of my throat whenever I took a breath: no tears, just the traces of them. It felt like I was shaking, even though my body wasn’t, and that something unstable was rattling its way across my bones and muscle. I was leaning far more heavily against Leos by then without even noticing the way I sagged into his embrace, melding against his form and the breath I felt from him—and my dumb ass wouldn’t recognize the exhaustion before it was too late. *"I…"* “Hmm?” I asked, jolting myself out of the lethargic state I hadn’t even noticed I was falling into. “Wassup, Lee?” I asked, the words croaking and slurring from my throat when he didn’t finish the thought. I cocked my head upwards, my ear trained to his voice, and I felt a flutter of panic as his words seemed to catch in his throat and chest. Then I panicked even more because I had already asked dumb questions before, and it had pulled him into places (whether he said so or not) that even I didn’t feel like going; so I shook my head and I felt my neck crik a little and I forced the question out of my mouth and out of the air. “No—don’t—“ I stammered, my heart hammering, “—don’t—um, you ain’t gotta answer that. Forget about it.” Then I scowled at myself because Leos was a grown-ass man and I had no right to tell him what to do with himself or his thoughts or whatever and I was making this pit worse with every thoughtful word I offered. “No—I mean,” I started, my voice thick with stuff I wasn’t seeing, “just….agh, I don’t mean you have to—you don’t—I mean you can do what you want, I just—“ I shook my head again, the air gushing out of my chest (tiny hiccups), and I flopped my head back down against his chest, into the depression I had made in the junction of his neck and the mane that flowed like sheets of snow all around me. “Whatever,” I huffed again, losing a battle with words and heart. I don’t remember falling asleep. I’m not even sure how it was possible, because my mind was whirling so hard in the silence between us (what do you expect? Our silences were heavy with things we couldn’t say). As hard as I tried to ignore it, I felt his heart beating through the bars of his ribcage, and every beat did a thing to me that made me wish I couldn’t hear it (Death, death, death…). His scent was etched into my mind now, his warmth embedded in my own, and it was gross and I hated it and my heart fluttered weakly and my hiccups settled in the back of my throat and I sighed against him (I think I said ”Lee”) and somewhere around that time I was done, finished and K.O.’d, because no matter how hard you cry or the pain hurts, you can only take so much before your body shuts down, whether you want it to or not. Blackness took me somehow, I guess. But I can’t lie and say I was too pissed about it. Because the voices had stopped— (it’s all your fault barely a whisper) --and I was at peace for a minute. Embraced by snow. [THANKS FOR A DELICIOUS THREAD, BRAH] |
the Rift
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[PRIVATE] Disgrace.
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 Please tag ROSKULD in every reply! | |||
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| Messages In This Thread |
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RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-09-2015, 10:14 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-09-2015, 02:52 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-11-2015, 06:26 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-12-2015, 03:11 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-18-2015, 07:02 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-19-2015, 03:00 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-22-2015, 06:27 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-22-2015, 12:59 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-23-2015, 11:31 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-23-2015, 04:16 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-24-2015, 05:35 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-24-2015, 02:44 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-24-2015, 04:09 PM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 02-25-2015, 01:39 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 02-25-2015, 11:25 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Roskuld - 03-01-2015, 11:48 AM
RE: Disgrace. - by Mauja - 03-02-2015, 02:27 PM
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