It was emotions everywhere. I didn't know how to respond. I could sympathize. I've never felt this way, and if I had felt this way, it was when I was little and the feeling long forgotten. I can understand they feel pain, but I didn't understand what type of pain it was. I assume it's a sort of lonely-depressed pain, but Rhoa doesn't seem this way. He doesn't seem like he's been forgotten in the least. To my eyes, he seems perfectly fine. But that's the issue. My eyes are thoroughly and completely fucked up. Actually, not just my eyes, my body, personality, everything. Does no one see this? I'm fucking fucked up. Words can't describe my fuckedupness. I can't fix it, either. It's just me. I was born like this, like you were born that color. I've tried and tried and tried to be "normal", but I can't do it, it doesn't happen. Frustration continues to swell inside of me. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I feel the same emotions the same way Destry does? So raw and honest and perfect. Now I am left to wonder, when will Destry leave me and all my fuckedupness?

As if perfectly timed with my thoughts, the conversation switches to love and the fact that it won't last forever. I feel as though some sort of unstoppable disease is pouring through me and I am defenseless in stopping it. "You two think you are special? Like your love will last forever?" he says. "We are simply ordinary individuals clinging to the thought that our love will last, but I know it won't," she says. My ears fall backwards, on the verge of flattening completely. I don't believe that bullshit! I don't believe that our love will die. If she has such little faith in our love, perhaps it is not truly worth any of this effort? Why am I working so hard for a love that "won't last"? "When something does happen, I'm going to fall apart," she adds on. I want to yell at her, at him, at the fucking world. I thought she had more faith in us, in me! God, am I really supposed to take over the role of "the one that thinks things will get better"? Fuck that, everyone knows that I suck with reliability. When things get tough, I bail, but I said I wouldn't with Destry. I promised and promised and promised I would stay, but here she is... "It won't last" and crap like that. I find it oddly HILARIOUS that she has a need to finish our quest FOR A FAMILY by saying our love won't last! That's a great way for me to start again.

It won't last my asshole, Destry. I can feel the twitch of heat across my skin as I fight the urge to turn into the fiery demon I am and go completely, batshit, ballistic. Whichever god gave this quest for Destry seems to certainly have it out for me. She's handling this like a pro, but here I am, a stocky, mad, lesbian. They say gods are powerful, but are they really as powerful as a fucking pissed of, fiery, hormonal, lesbian? I think not. Nothing is more powerful than that combination.

Once they finally finish speaking, I'm not really sure if I should say something that might piss Destry off and make the colt upset or if I should say something and there would be the off chance they love it. My facial expression remain calm and composed, but on the inside there is a fire raging, a bomb ticking. It's like everything that I thought was solid ground is actually thin ice, and I'm dancing on all the cracks like a fucking moron.

With on overly loud inhale, and a furrowing of my brows, I begin, and hell, Destry may want to sit back down for this, may take a while to finish. "So, you don't think we're going to last? Okay, if we aren't going to last, as you both eloquently put it, I can tell you all my dirty little secrets and you can run for the hills now, that way you don't have to do it later." My eyes pinned on Destry's as I spoke. I wanted to see her reaction, but I already knew it would be bad, but it's not like I can really stop myself. I've never been able to stop myself. "So, I was in a forest on a lowly day, and today... Maybe I was a little lusty, a little lonely. Then, almost magically, two stallions came. Both were damn fine and they both laid me. One smelled pungent and one was a little awkward, still I was remarkably welcoming with them. I'll spare you the details, but I ended up having twins. Faeanne and Ryuu. Faeanne has wings that light on fire when she flaps them and Ryuu is not magical. Faeanne is a pegasus and Ryuu a unicorn. Faeanne's heart has problems, and Ryuu's hooves. I lived in the World's Edge as their Seer, and damn I loved power. So I challenged for lead and lost, of course, because I suck at fighting. I left Faeanne with two random horses and Ryuu in the World's Edge. I just fucking left them. And yes, maybe I felt bad about it, but I'm not really a soppy love story mare. I never went to find them, I never looked for them. Eventually, I learnt that Ryuu lives here, and everyday I fear running into him because I'm fucking scared. I hate that I am, but I can't help it. So if you think your parents are bad, just remember there are other families that have it ten times worse. Gaucho may be busy, but he hasn't abandoned you, nor has he stopped loving you. I haven't even stopped loving my children and I haven't seen them in a couple of years." Did they understand why I couldn't sympathize with the scrawny yearling now? Because I know for a fact his life is perfectly fine, and that there are foals out there that don't even have parents and the memory of their parents are scary as fuck. It's HIS FAULT he feels this way. He could easily make more friends. All he has to do is hang by the oasis for a few minutes, meet a horse and BANG. Instant friends. And he's normal enough that he could probably keep them, too!

I'm relieved to have finally gotten a secret like that off my chest. I can't help but inwardly laugh recalling a time when Destry said I was an angel, her words were heroine and I couldn't stop shooting it through my veins. I lived, breathed, ate Destry. I only wanted, only needed, her. Yet, I feel independent now. Still connected, but also alone. If she left, I would be extremely upset, crushed shattered, yet part of me would be relieved. Destry deserves more than me. She deserves someone who can protect her and unconditionally love her. Someone with a normal personality, and someone that doesn't come with so much baggage. However, I am Aurelia, and I come with baggage, scars, impurities, all of it. Why the fuck is she blind to that? She can't say that love has made her blind, because love isn't a miracle worker. I'm still the same as I've always been, warts and all. "If you think our love won't last..." My voice began to choke and crack, emotion leaking into every words as my voice faded out, but I needed to tell her this, she needed to know. "If you think our love won't last, I'd rather it end now than later. If you leave me later, I won't live. I won't be able to continue on, I'll simply die." I said, passionate now. if our love was to end it should be now, when the flowerbud that is our love hasn't bloomed yet. If she leaves later, when our love is colorful and vibrant with healthy petals and a strong root, it'll kill me. I'll die slowly, inside out.

I wasn't sure how I felt anymore. Hurt, angry, confused, nervous? All of isthe emotions? I wanted to find a cave that I could live in for the rest of my life, and wilt away slowly and then all at once. No one would notice my absence, no one would care. A life without Aurelia is a happy life.

With steps that were fueled with hesitance and fear, I took a step away from them, then another, followed by another. Slowly moving away from them. My orbs glistened with cool tears that threatened to drip down my ivory cheeks. My breathing was heavy and deep, each breathe seemingly a struggle. I didn't want Destry and I to end, never would I want that, but if she says leave, then I'll leave. I could very easily see this being the end of a blossoming love between us, or something that we overcome that makes us stronger. Still, I am wounded that she had little faith that our love would last. I only showed her my worst so she would end it now not later. I don't know why I continue to tell myself that it would be better to end it now than later, but I do. In the back of my mind, a little voice chants at me, "end it now", but damn, my heart is here with her.

ooc: ono I don't really even know what happened. This was short at first, but then turned massive and I just couldn't stop writing...