The threat of the invasion looms, and I find myself feeling more ill prepared each moment. I have taken to pacing without even realizing, turning away from my family and taking flights alone. I have left Alisier with his brother in the care of Aure more times than I can keep track of. Perhaps their company is stifling, perhaps I am truly not ready to be a mother and a mate. But do I not feel the love, unconditional and ever faithful, when I look upon my family? Did I not promise a god that I would never stray?

No, surely my absentmindedness as of late has solely been a product of nervousness. The last invasion that I remember was that of the sect upon the Tides- thankfully by then I had escaped both cold environments and made a home in the woodlands. But then I had observed from the outside- this was different. Now I was to fight for strangers and risk my own life and, more importantly, watch my mate do the same.

Are our lives worth this war? Are the parents of my children worth some other herd's fight? Soon I will find myself fighting on the field for strangers, and for what? Not to protect them, not to protect my family or own herd- simply for their gain. Surely there is nothing worth such greed. I feel a burgeoning love for my family that I cannot shake, and I know in an instant that my partings have not been out of a fading love, but a growing one. It is the fact that I cannot bear to lose them and that I fear I might- the need to be alone to face the demon of war and what it means for me. No one can face such a demon alone, I know that. I know of many things that I do not heed- it has been my way ever since I was a child.

But it has never been easy for me to change. Perhaps that is why I have come again to the sad patch of land where it is rumored my father once fell. Strange that I cannot see his bones- perhaps time, sand, and the wind has carried them away from my vision. Perhaps I am not even in the right place. I stand, alone save for Arbutus who now wheels in the air above me, in the open expanse of the dragon's throat desert. My wings have retreated and I have landed- I am a fixed image now, looking down at the sand as if it is what has taken my father from me, as if it is the beast of war that threatens to tear apart my family. I feel anger and rage- uncontrollable, unfamiliar.

I want the demon to die.



[[WC: 470 || PC: 0/3 || M/CU: 0/2 || AS: N/A || N: Three post (?) + closing defense, judged informal spar. Magic and companions allowed. I am happy to RP first. VP to winner, Automatic VP to Tamme for teaching. ]]