Watching the hulking lead approach, Kahlua found herself both pleased and disappointed. He was… not who she had hoped for. Still, he had proven useful before. Perhaps she could find comfort in his company. At least he seemed eager enough to provide it. “I’m… troubled. There’s just so much to think about.” Frowning gently, she looked at him to see his reaction. He would understand- it was the same troubles, and the same strife, that had been plaguing them all since… since… well, they had all been hurt by the Lady Moon. Shaking her head, she frowned gently. But then what she had actually hoped for occured. Her first king approached, the man she loved, the man she had cared for so much that it had destroyed her, the man she had been hoping for, and instead of being happy, she found herself anxious. Shifting back and forth, the queen became anxious, wondering if she even wanted him here at all. That was, until she heard how serious the tone of his voice was. Instantly, she settled, curiosity winning over anxiety, and she listened to hear what it was that was causing him to be so serious.

At hearing that he had a solution, the queen almost felt joy bubble up within her- the emotion was overwhelming, fantastic, broad, but also terrifying. An answer to trouble with a god. What could it possibly be? Perhaps she knew the answer before he even said it though… when he finally did, her heart sank and her eyes shifted to the ground, unwilling to look her king in the eye. Did he really think this was the best course of action? Her mind, once so focused on him, instantly drifted off and she barely listened as he voiced aloud the cost-benefit analysis of attacking the Falls versus the Basin versus the Throat. Did it matter? This wasn’t something they could just… do, was it?

“But… But…” She choked out softly, and yet there were no words. Not even the tears that normally would have welled up in her eyes were present. In some ways, she had known this moment was coming. But then… She was already dead. She had lost everything that had meant anything to her. Kaj’s love was gone. She had been betrayed by family when Aurelia attacked, betrayed by the world when she had become a wraith, betrayed by the gods when she had been asked to bear and birth Isopia. Everybody had said it to her, in one way or another. Archibald, in the Deep Forest. Resplendence, at the Edge. Kaj, now. They all knew what was best, and maybe she did too, but she had never imagined that peace would mean war. All she wanted was unity, but as she had explained to Archibald, she could not ask her council to give up their positions. They could not go to another herd and ask for asylum. They would be nothing but prisoners, when they had once been royalty.

“Okay,” she all but whispered, staring at the ground still, not daring to raise her eyes, lest she change her mind as she looked at the forest home behind her that she loved so much. “I don’t condone this, but I can’t think of any other way. I’ve asked so many of our family. I think everyone knows what we have to do.” Squinting her eyes closed, she took several deep breaths, finally daring to raise her eyes and look Kaj head on.

“You have never, really let me down. I would follow you to the end of the earth and back. I trust you not to lead me into something that would destroy me…” Her voice was soft, shaking, and yet there was almost a part of her that was daring him to change his mind, daring him to realize that he was asking her to once more tear her soul out for him, who she still loved, and would always love, even when she hated what he had said to her. “If you ask this of me, I will do it. Only for you.” In that moment, where she was softly laying her heart out for the king, it was almost like Archibald had disappeared. Just her and Kaj again, like it had been before. Her emotions were bared, heart open, chest raw. Would he care what he was going to her, or was she just one more pawn in this game he was playing?

And though she didn’t want to, and though she hated herself for giving in, the queen suddenly found herself falling forward, tears finally coming forth, head searching for the safe place along his neck that she knew existed, body daring to hope that his wing would reach forward and around her. Perhaps they were not lovers anymore, if they ever were, but she loved him, and she couldn’t unlove him, and he would always mean everything to her. So when she needed comfort now more than ever, when she was scared beyond her wits end by what she had just agreed to, she knew that it was only him who could comfort her. If only he would be brave enough to set aside his anger as well, to hold her close, to forgive her for what had been said. If he could do those things, then perhaps this thing would not be so bad.