KTULU
Realism [+1.5]
Overall strong realism with attacks, defenses, timing, and injury. You mentioned some breed and stat differences as well as weather, particularly in your first post, but never really utilized them in any way. I really enjoyed you being injured by your own horn attack in your second post, it’s something I’ve always felt most unicorn writers fail to include! You did take a bit too much damage in your second post, it equaled more of a 6 than a 4 roll. I wanted to see more description of your amulet being used within the post - I only knew for sure because of the inclusion in the OOC notes. In your third post you miss his attack, but don’t really say how/why. You also don’t actually seem to attack in your third post, meaning dice shouldn’t really have been rolled. I know you were trying to taunt him, but include something like “If the taunting failed, she was ready to charge at him…” to just give yourself that back up.


Emotion [+2.5]
Really strong emotion in every post. I always felt I understood what the character was thinking, feeling, and why. Lovely job!

Post 2:
“Her legs. Her fucking legs. She'd spent her entire childhood crippled because of her legs and the bastard was going to try to send her right back to where she had been. She would die before she lived her life as a cripple.”
“Maybe he could sever a tendon and leave the stallion lame and useless as most of the Falls were.”


Prose [+3.5]
Beautifully well written with excellent flow and vocabulary all throughout the fight.


Readability [+2.5]
Very readable for the whole duration of the fight. Excellent grammar, spelling, and directional cues for positioning. Thank you for including descriptions/restrictions of magic when used in a post!

Post 3:
“...the ground again stumbled….” (+she?)


Finally tally: 56+(10*2)= 76 HP


TALION
Realism [-1]
Overall I think you have good potential for realism, but your descriptions always fall a bit short making it hard to bridge some gaps. For instance, in your first post you say you dodge to the left, but I don’t see how that helped if she was attacking on your left? Similarly, I did not understand that you had used an amulet in that post and tossed Ktulu’s magic back at her until I was reading Ktulu’s next post - usage of any item/magic/attack/defense should be understood in the post body, not through OOC notes (those are mostly there for rollers and quick glance during judging). Furthermore, in your first post you did not seem to react much at all to Eytan’s fear-including magic, and you didn’t seem to sustain enough damage, based on the fact you didn’t describe the injury much and that you went on to attack using that spot just injured (bucks with his hurt leg, pivots on his hurt leg…). Remember a roll of 6 is the highest, so damage should be pretty noteworthy.

Into your second post, you still don’t react strongly enough to the magic assault. You describe choking, but then it just seems to go away with no ill effects on you. You then avoid the bear attacks, but don’t really say how. I did like your mention of surroundings however, and you took proper damage and did so nicely by spreading it out over numerous attacks, including self-sustained damage from the amulet splinter which I found unique.

Come your third and final post, I was extremely confused by this random electrical ball of magic that burned your neck. I only understood what was happening by reading your OOC comments again, but even so, you referenced an attack made by Hotaru before this thread even started. I’m guessing your forgot? However you needed better description to tie it in realistically, and either way the timing was way off. Battles move very quickly and do not last long, and when Hotaru made her attack it was not with everything that you and Ktulu had already been doing this whole time, so Hotaru might have done things differently if she was still involved - which is why keeping up with timeline is important. The rest of the post was good though, although I would have liked more description of their breed/stats differences and the weather/surroundings during the whole fight.


Emotion [+2.5]
Really strong emotion in every post. I always felt I understood what the character was thinking, feeling, and why. Lovely job!

Post 1:
“He was going to die, he was going to die for this, for them. People he did not even know, who had given him nothing, but a nice tomb and a valiant death.”
“Though deep beneath the layers of pain and agonizing discomfort, past the cowardice and beyond the diminishing courage, he found a small reserve of anger. There he dug his trenches.”


Prose [+4]
Beautifully well written with excellent flow and vocabulary all throughout the fight.


Readability [+2.5]
Very readable for the whole duration of the fight. Excellent grammar, spelling, and directional cues for positioning. Thank you for including descriptions/restrictions of magic when used in a post!

Post 3:
“...leaving as an exasperating growl …” (-as)


Finally tally: 9.5+(8*2)= 25.5 HP