KAHLUA

The queen couldn’t help but feel guilty as Ophelia spoke about her. She would offer compassion and wisdom? What compassion could she offer? She had led her herd to cause the destruction of another, willingly rained destruction upon an unsuspecting herd of peaceful creatures, and chased more of them from their home than she wanted to think about. She had offered them the chance to stay, of course, and yet… How could she ask them to stay and rule under the hooves of three who had sacked their home, seemingly without remorse? She did not blame them for going, though she wished they would have stayed. As for wisdom… Kahlua was under no delusions. She had no wisdom to offer others. Only cowardice, weakness, complacency. She wanted peace, but she had been willing to let Kaj and Archibald destroy instead. She had not stood up to them- how could she?- but when she had let them choose that path she had let them take her morals.

She was no leader. She was only a jester in disguise, wearing a crown too big for her head, and ignoring the reality that was staring her in her face.

Her eyes danced over each attendant as they came- one after another wishing for a moondust crown that she had not been strong enough to carry. Would a stone crown be any lighter? Torleik… he had never really left the back of her mind. She owed him an apology that words could never really do justice to. She had been scared and reactionary back then, or maybe she still was, but at least she had a different idea of what was right and wrong. “I’m sorry,” she murmured softly as he spoke, her eyes dancing to catch his, hoping the pain in her voice and the sincerity on her face would at least begin to repair the damage that she had done. Would he even remember?

Artorius next… The lands of the Edge are where I’m meant to be. The queen felt a new pang dive into her heart at those words. No more need be spoken on the subject. Those words were the very embodiment of the queen. Even if the Lady Moon was a killer, horrendous, a monster… Kahlua was no better now, maybe never had been. This was her home. Looking around at the foliage made tears dance at the edge of her lids again. Did she really have to say goodbye?

As for Rostislav, his words, though well-intentioned, were like a knife to her soul. One of the displaced, one of the innocent souls whose lives she had destroyed… Could she even look him in his eyes? Hardly. Her gaze danced downwards to the ground, avoiding… She owed him an apology too, but she could not offer him one. Congratulations. It nearly made her sick to hear that and for a moment her breath came faster, pain rushing through her abdomen as she tried to listen to what he had to say. More pin pricks came as Kiara added her own thoughts. The came here looking for a home because theirs had been stolen… It was all the queen could think of, until…

Amaris’ arrival surprised the queen in some ways, but it was her words that really stung. They were accusatory, in some ways. Mistakes the leaders had made? Kahlua took the words to heart, even if they were not meant for her, because she had given her heart and soul to these lands, never asking for anything in return, and they had destroyed her. So if there were mistakes made, and perhaps there were, there was nothing she could have done anyways. She was nothing anymore because of what she had given to this land. A scream welled at the back of her throat- she heard the noise in her head… a banshee’s call that would have chilled the blood of all in attendance. She fought against it, coughing a few times as she tried to retain her silence. This was all too much, but the painted queen was always dutiful. She would bear this burden like the rest, even as it drove her down to the depths of hell.

For the next few moments, as Cathun and Elsa spoke, it was all she could do to listen to them. Cathun’s accusations atop Amaris’ unintended ones, Elsa’s additional reminders that she was one of the displaced Falls members… It was getting to be too much for the tender queen and she began to shift uneasily, squirming under the weight of the anger and pain and sorrow and sickness and depression that she felt. Her resolve began to waver, her desire to run into the shadows increased, and though she heard what they said, she hardly had the wherewithal to look up and greet them properly. Just watching the grass beneath her hooves was making the world spin.

Thank the gods, then, that he arrived.

Mauja’s nose had barely settled along her side, she had barely recognized who he was, before she was pressing against his side, trying (for all intents and purposes) to meld herself into him. He thought he was nothing, but he was everything to her. Her friend, her rock, her confidant. The Clyde to her Bonnie. So, while the world devolved into chaos around her, the queen unabashedly looked to him for confidence. She didn’t even mind when his words were angry because in every way he was saying all of the things that she wanted to scream at them. None of them were worthy. This was her land, her home, her forest. None of them deserved this, and even though the Edge had literally ruined her to the very core, she didn’t want to let it go because it was hers, and she didn’t know how to say goodbye to it. So she let Mauja yell and hate and rage, and somehow, against all odds, the broken queen began to smile- as long as she wasn't included in the everyone that Mauja hated. Or maybe it didn’t matter, because she was worthy of that hate anyways.

From that point forward, things became easier to deal with. Some smoking creature, speaking in a tongue lilted with an accent, spoke and Kahlua didn’t even mind that she had ignored the question of how she would deal with the stress. And when Mirage came… ah, the queen might have cried. She might have fallen into a panic attack beyond capture, but with Mauja at her side… she somehow felt invincible. Feeling dead and invincible were not good qualities for a queen. “He was here,” she spit out acridly, the sound of her voice sudden after her long period of silence, but Mirage was one mare she couldn’t possibly ignore. Besides, the DragonHeart was just one more soul that she could blame for everything that had happened. If the black mare had never left, never hidden so deeply in the shadows of her home, none of this would have happened. The Sunshower would still be the happy-go-lucky child she had been at her arrival to Helovia. She would not have disintegrated into the terrible monster that headed this gathering now. It made sense, somehow, in the dark and twisted corners of her mind, to blame Mirage.

She had a lot more to say to the black woman, a lot more blame to spit at her, a lot more hatred to spew, but once again she restrained herself, just barely, restraint as foreign to the impulsive woman as leadership and wisdom. Absently, her eyes turned to Arah, hearing what the woman had said- a suggestion as to what she should have asked. That was wisdom, of which Kahlua was once again reminded she had none. Nyx’s words only made her sick again. More mention of war and battle… the queen shook her head.

But then it was her turn. She still had authority in this moment, still ruled this land and the shattered glass and the draconian forest and the crashing waves at the bottom of the sheer cliffs. She still owned the winds and the brush and the woodland creatures and the few that still remained in this place. For a minute, she considered channeling Mauja, yelling for all of them to leave and get out of her house because she was going to live here forever and none of them deserved this place anyways. She could kick them all out, fix the wall, let Mauja in… If they closed it up, the two of them could live here indefinitely. The grass would always grow, the rains would fall, it would be their own personal wonderland, and then they could hate everyone (and themselves) from the sanctity of their own little Eden. But the Lady Moon wouldn’t allow that to happen, would she? Still, the idea was intoxicating.

Besides, duty called, and if nothing else, the painted woman completed the tasks that were assigned to her. Absently, she looked back to Mirage, thinking of the glass prison wall she had worked on for so long. Had the dragon queen even appreciated it? Hardly. She’d disappeared so soon afterwards. Shaking her head, the Sunshower found the strength to look over all of those who had gathered and nature’s song around her seemed to grow a little more brilliant. “Come on,” she decided finally, the usually verbose woman feeling rather short. “You told me why you should be leaders. Now you can prove that you deserve it.” Snorting in disgust, she began to move through the crowd, adding absently a moment later, “Warriors stay with Ophelia.” With a glance of appreciation to Arah for what she had said, the queen looked south. Could she manage to stay put together for the entire length of the journey?

Perhaps… if Mauja came with her. Glancing back to him, her wish written plainly on her face, the queen carried on. She could not stop him from staying, if he wanted to, nor would she ask him to do otherwise.

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My apologies for the massive post. I never meant to let it get so long. Kahlua just had so many feels to deal with.

All diplomatic type leads should come with Kahlua to the Throat. I’ll tag you in a thread there.
All military type leads should go with Ophelia, who will tag you in a different thread.

Diplomatic Candidates| Artorius, Kiara, Amaris, Verlaine, Thor
Military Candidates| Torleik, Rostislav, Cathun, Elsa
Unknown Candidates| Mauja?, Arah? (not sure where you guys want to go or if you were in the running, maybe PM me and tamme so we know where to tag you?)

LeadeR

world's edge