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His voice, it was something unexpected against the quiet of my thoughts… against the quiet of my struggles. I feared what facing him would bring. I feared what I would again find in him… Had I been corrupted? Had I been misguided? Where was I supposed to run this time? Did matters of the heart possess a manual or detailed instruction? I’d never dealt with this. I’d never looked at someone and simply wondered. What in the Gods’ names was this?
Many times I’d fought him, if only because I couldn’t understand what in the hell his presence brought to my melancholy life. He was everything I detested. He was everything I’d come to hate…
Then why had he returned? Why had he followed me? I wanted to see him as nothing more than a criminal! He had done this to me! He had kept me from the ones I cared for and the ones I fought for! The Aurora Basin was the enemy! Did he not see what they’d done to me- what he’d done to me? The nerve! Who the hell did he think he was? Had I become a charity case now that I’d lost my footing? Well, if Urlrik thought I was too weak to determine my own fate, he was wrong. He was completely and utterly wrong. Even now as I looked at him, I felt sick. I wanted to scream and I wanted to lash out, but instead I maintained some minute amount of composure… Yet, was I really trying to impress anyone anymore? Surely everything I’d known was lost… Where the hell was I supposed to go?
I’d relied too much on my father and my life in the Edge. I’d come to believe in a family and their support, but now I was alone. I wanted nothing to do with the Falls, because it would never be the same… I didn’t care what happened to the Earth’s lands… I didn’t care what became of a life without Midas. I’d drawn my last straw.
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Romul had alerted me to their approach, if only because he had grown accustomed to Ulrik’s companion, Kirchoff. The hellhound’s scent had resonated with Romul because living as a prisoner had not only affected me, but my wolf as well. Or perhaps my mind had trailed the Engineer during my times of need, even if I hated to admit it. He was the only one I found strength in during my capture… Ulrik was the only one I could depend on in the Basin. Yet, he’d done nothing to protect me. I’d learned to don my own armor; I’d grown from my own nurturing. But, it… terrified me. I’d become someone else in the Basin. Running from death and from the ones who had accepted me as sister and friend- well it was not me.
However, I couldn’t keep myself from hoping. This never ending struggle would never fade unless I was able to rid myself of its source.
I had to be rid of Ulrik and the constant questions he posed. Sadly, the Basin no longer represented hatred and prejudice for me- it represented Ulrik. It represented weakness on my behalf.
When I turned to face him, I was quick to hide any lingering shock or hurt lurking just beneath my cool façade. I tried my very best to appear calm and collected, no matter how overstated such a situation could be. Death was not something someone recovered from… “I’ll be fine,” I stated as simply as I could allow. I didn’t want onlookers to witness my mourning. I didn’t want this man to watch me break… I wanted him to remember me as the witty child he’d discovered in the Meadow. Maybe he would move on after his duties were obligated. Maybe he would forget me, just as any man should.
After all, I was not capable of feeling. My father had taken that from me.
“Why are you here? Have you come to tell me the truth behind your lies? What lessons tease me from behind those deceptive eyes?” I scoffed. My jaws nearly froze after such an accusation, but I had to conceal what I’d already seamlessly revealed. The softness of his gaze and the gentle curve of his lips… it was all too much. I didn’t want to trust him. I didn’t want to depend on him. He’d wasted me- dammit I still wanted him here. But…
I’d trusted him. I’d almost believed in him…
Why? What had he done for me…? What spell had he cast?
Please Gods… spare me from his smoldering gaze. I could take it anymore. I was so torn. |
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