Ryuu was tucked away safely in the Throat and I was on my way to the Veins to meet with Gaucho and whoever else it was that would be patrolling. After hearing that I was going to be with Gaucho I didn't exactly pay attention to who else would be there. Its definitely safe to say that I was not looking forward to being face to face with Gaucho. It was even safer to say that I had been avoiding him for quite some time. I did wonder who set the patrol groups and if Gaucho had purposely asked for me or if it was just some fluke that would force me to face him.

Gaucho was already at the veins when I arrived, which wasn't surprising. He always seemed to be everywhere at once, working, fighting, patrolling, making little gauchos. I began my decent, wings flaring outward to slow myself so my landing would not be jarring. My cloven hooves touched the ground near the Earth God's shrine and I folded my wings against my sides and I stood in silence. I had dearly hoped that the other girl would be here so I would not have to spend any time alone with Gaucho, but another twist of fate had us at the shrines together. I looked at Gaucho then my gaze drifted to the Moon Goddess' shrine before finally falling to my hooves.

I would give anything to have a patrol anywhere else with anyone else. I wasn't ready to face him yet.

"Hello." I finally murmured, my eyes still on my hooves. "Who else is coming?"

"."

Momma was far from a philosopher but she always told me that life wasn't meant to be easy. If it was easy we wouldn't be living, we would be existing. I didn't want to simply exist, I wanted to live. It would be easy for me to hate Gaucho and the Moon Goddess. I think hatred comes naturally when someone takes someone precious to you away. I also think that its the hard decisions like forgiveness that make life worth living. As unprepared as I was to face him I knew that I had to. I couldn't run away and put myself before the herd, it too much of a selfish move. I knew that Hototo would want me to make the difficult decision to forgive and go in living than hold onto anger and hatred and let it consume me until I had nothing left to live for. Until I only existed.

"Jiji-"

I had never heard Gaucho's voice sound anything other than strong, confident, and gruff, but when he said my name I had a sense that he felt hopeless. I wondered if he was wondering if he could ever make anything right after being used to take so many lives. I wondered how many blamed him, how much he blamed himself. Did he hate himself? Did he wish for his own death? I didn't want to put myself in his position, but I tried to and my heart ached for him as much as it ached for the loss of my brother.

I looked up when he spoke again and I sighed softly. "Even if you realized you couldn't have stopped it." Harsh, perhaps, but it was the truth. What power did any of us have when a god took it upon herself to infect us and use us to wreak havoc? "But... It was like him... to do that. He valued everyone else above himself." I blinked as my vision blurred and I looked up toward the sky. I wondered what it was like to be so unselfish, so unconcerned with your own well-being. I knew that I would give anything to protect Ryuu, but I loved him. I didn't think that I could willingly throw myself into harms way for a stranger.

"Sorry."

My eyes returned to Gaucho once more and I had never seen him look so defeated. He had always been a pillar of strength and now he was cracked, nearly broken, and I wanted to fix him. "I..." A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed. "I... forgive you."I murmured. I began to move toward Gaucho and I attempted to slip beneath his neck and as I did so I reached up to rest my chin near the base of his neck. I hoped that he would welcome a hug because he looked like he needed one as much as I did.

"."

@[Gaucho]

I remember the first time I saw Gaucho. He had a way about him that could strike fear into anyone. The way he moved and the way he spoke were very obvious signs that he was trained to fight because he had moved with purpose. Even as a yearling I could see and understand and I suppose a part of me had feared him because of this, but the man standing there before me wasn't the same man from then. All of the strength he had projected then was still there, but it was okay. I didn't think any less of him because he weakness. If anything it made him more relatable because of my own weaknesses.

Anyway, for lack of a better term, I had always considered Gaucho a man's man, someone that didn't need any sort of affection or even forgiveness. So I was glad that he welcomed my hug, accepted my forgiveness, and didn't push me away like a very small part of he suspected he might. His wings closed around me and even though I knew in the back of my mind that it had been his body that had done all of the murdering, I still felt safe and protected.

"Thank you."

Did he really need to thank me for forgiving him? I wondered about it as I moved my head to rest my cheek against his neck. "Its okay." I whispered as tears quickly gathered in my eyes then began their trail down my face that, eventually, ended on Gaucho's neck. It was a mixture of relief and sadness that had me crying because it felt good to forgive but at the same time it was making it more concrete that my brother was gone and wasn't coming back. But maybe forgiving could help close the wounds that had been open and festering since Hototo's death. And maybe my forgiveness would help Gaucho begin to heal as well.

"."

@[Gaucho]

I remained still as Gaucho pulled away and looked at me and for a moment I wondered what he thought about my crying. "I'm sorry." I murmured as I lowered my head to wipe my eyes against my foreleg. It helped for only a few seconds but when Gaucho requested that I tell him about Hototo as we patrolled I could feel the tears stinging my eyes again. I nodded wordlessly and turned in the direction that he had looked. The path wasn't travelled much, but I had walked down it before when I had patrolled with Rhoa. I blinked and stepped forward because thinking about that patrol was more painful than it should have been because it was the last time that I'd seen my brother alive and heard his voice.

I didn't really know where to begin with talking about Hototo because he had left when I was so young and I went so long without seeing him. Despite that I loved him as deeply and as fiercely as I did Cera. "I don't really remember a lot about Hototo because he left when I was still really young." I explained as we walked. "It was.... back when it was dark all the time and the sun wouldn't rise. He said he had a duty because of being the Earth God's son. I don't think Momma wanted him to go, but she didn't stop him." I remembered trying to stop him from going and I remembered him promising me that he would still come to see me. It was a promise that he didn't keep. "What I do remember was that he was compassionate and he loved life but he was scared of girls that weren't me or Momma or Aunt Ophelia or Roskuld." The tears that had stung my eyes earlier began to roll down my cheeks as I spoke of my brother. Was it selfish of me to wish that Hototo wasn't as good as he was so that he would still be alive?

I sighed as we walked, thinking back over my childhood and the brief, scattered memories that I had of my brother and I realized that my memories of Cera were just as broken and scattered as were my memories of my father. "Dad ... Midas ..." I didn't really know how to address my father when I spoke to Gaucho. "I don't have any memories of all of us together. Its me and Momma and Toto, or me, Momma, and Dad." and even those memories of Momma and Daddy with me were few and far between. I would have given anything to have actual memories of our family, all of us, together but the time for that had come and passed and I was left with memories of a family that was falling apart as I grew up. It made me wonder how much of my childhood and Toto's truly mattered and that made my chest ache horribly.

"."

I was quiet for a while, thinking back over my childhood in the Foothills. I had been happy, oblivious to the fact that my father was absent more often than present. I remembered being happy when I was able to see him and sad when he left and I realized that I shouldn't have had to feel that sadness so often. He should have been more of a constant presence in my life. Did I hate him for it? I didn't think so. I honestly don't think I could ever truly hate him. I was disapointed and the older I got the more disappointed I was that he was not there for me as often as he should have been. I learned to fly by myself. I'd only gotten one lesson from him and Gaucho had been present for it. I wondered if he still chuckled to himself over my botched landing. My mother, however distant she felt at times, was always there and always made me feel safe when she was nearby. I might not have gotten an 'I love you' from her as often as I wanted, but I'd come to learn that she expressed it with her actions rather than her words.

I sighed and looked at Gaucho when he spoke, listening to every word he spoke. "Invasion?" I asked curiously. "What invasion?" When I had been born Momma was already Chieftess of the Foothills with Auntie and, for whatever reason, it had never occurred to me that she might have had to fight for our home. I just knew it as our home. My eyes grew wide a moment later when Gaucho compared me to her. "What?" I was shocked. "No. I'm not. I'm not strong like Momma. I wish I was, but I'm not." I shook my head in denial and stared straight ahead, refusing to meet his gaze.

Gaucho stopped after saying my father's name and I found myself looking at him again, waiting for him to finish before realizing that he had nothing good to say. I sighed again, my eyes going to the path that stretched before us. "I know..." I whispered. I was thankful that I stared at the path because if I had seen the look in his eyes it probably would have brought me to tears again. He had my full attention again, though, when I felt his muzzle against my shoulder. I smiled weakly and reached my muzzle toward Gaucho. He might not have always known exactly what to say, but his actions spoke for him and the amount of care he held for me and the rest of his herd. We were a family and I was thankful to have him to look up to. "Thank you."

"."

I had known about the Grey, I had grown up in the land that they had ruled and called home, but Momma had never told me that they'd lived in forest once, nor had she told me that they'd invaded the Foothills. "Oh..." Was all that I could think to say as Gaucho explained everything to me. I agreed with Gaucho that my dad would have taken Momma's group in, but obviously she didn't want that. I wondered why she wouldn't want to live in the Throat with daddy, but at the same time I wondered why he wouldn't come live with us in the Foothills.

A soft snort made my nostrils flutter, but I forced the thoughts about my parents aside and listened as Gaucho talked about the Foothills and their fat, lazy members. I have to admit that I felt a little bit bad when he said that the Foothills hadn't had any defenses, but I guess that went along with the 'lazy' part that Gaucho had mentioned earlier. I smiled as he nudged my shoulder with his wing, saying that Momma had provided me with a place to grow up. "I liked the Foothills." I admitted. "I loved running in the grass and playing with Bear. He always stayed and watched over me when Momma had to do her patrols." I missed those times. I missed being carefree and not wondering what tragedy was going to unfold next.

"Ktulu not arrogant. Not full of herself like some are - that make her strong, because she knew her weaknesses. Jiji like that."

I still disagreed with Gaucho, but everytime I disagreed he would only rephrase and tell me I was strong again. I wished that I could see in myself what he seemed to see in me. All I could see was weakness and uselessness. Still, it was nice of Gaucho to, at least, try to make me feel better about myself. "I can't disagree with you." I finally said. "Because you won't let me." I looked toward my sultan and offered a small smile. "But ... I guess I could try to be strong for you and prove you right." But I would probably fail and prove to him that I'm nothing but a bottomless well of weakness.

My feathers rustled as I shifted my wings and for some reason my thoughts drifted to Roskuld and Dragomir. They were both my friends and both very dear to me, though I for some insane reason I loved Roskuld a great deal more. "Hey, Gaucho...?" I hesitated, glanced at him then looked back at the path we were walking for our patrol. "We're friends ... right?" I didn't wait for his answer before I barreled ahead and continued talking. "I think ... I mean, I consider you my friend." And my leader, of course. "So, uh..." I stopped then and extended my right wing and reached for one of my golden feathers. My teeth clamped down gently on it and i pulled it loose. And, yes, it hurt. "Here." I offered him my feather, probably looking as awkward as a newborn learning to walk. Gaucho probably thought I was losing my mind.

"."

@[Gaucho]

I held the feather I offered to Gaucho carefully between my teeth as Mara slithered down Gaucho's neck. I turned my head more toward her and released it when it was within her grasp and watched as she tied it into his mane. It meant a lot to me that he would accept something as silly as one of my feathers as a sign of friendship and it meant even more that he would offer me one of his own. "Thank you." I murmured, unable to hide my smile as he offered it to me. I reached and took the feather that Gaucho offered me then turned and tucked the end of it into the tail-ring that Ros had given to me. When we got back to the Throat I would find someone to tie it into my mane so I wouldn't lose it.

"Jiji have been crafter now for some time ... Bucephalus say he not want to work with metal ... Would Jiji want to be artisan?"

"What?" I didn't really believe what I was hearing. Was he seriously offering me a rank that came along with magic and responsibility? Did he really have that much faith in me? Why? I bit down on my tongue to keep from voicing those questions and, instead, I stared at Gaucho. I guess I was looking for some sign that he was messing with me, but I never knew or heard of Gaucho telling jokes or pulling pranks.

"Me?" The idea of it was both exciting and frightening. "I would work with Cera?" I didn't mean it to come out as a question, but more as a statement. I liked the idea of working with my brother, of building things to help the Throat. I thought that I could even make something for Ros and that thought made my smile grow and pushed me into making my decision. "Yeah." I finally said, nodding my head. "I would like that a lot. Thank you."

"."

ooc://
@[Gaucho]