ASHAMIN
Realism [+1]
You do well at explaining your methods, but they do not always work within realistic limits. For example, you charged at Zandora’s left flank, and said you hoped the momentum would swing the rest of your body into her making you parallel. Running into her however would be most likely to cause her body to swing away from yours, not make your rear which is driving the attack, swing into her, you’d have to do that. Additionally you attacked with your chest at her flank, but then in the same fluid movement try to bite her girth and horn her barrel, which would not be within his reach, nor likely capable if he’s running full force into her.

Similarly in your third post you are pushed over somehow by her charge attack, but this is with them being in fairly close proximity (meaning she has less momentum, overall she has less strength stats, and she was just injured…) and without you being unbalanced. Just being rammed is difficult to unbalance a horse with, usually it only happens with slick conditions, or when they unbalance themselves like with a buck or a rear. You then receive fractured ribs, which are passable with a crit hit since they’re somewhat better than broken bones, but still didn’t seem necessary given the fact he just fell after being rammed. It’s also unlikely he’d have been able to stand up beneath her and lift her up. He’s at a huge disadvantage on the ground. A horse just getting up normally is awkward and slow, so trying to lift another horse at the same time is practically impossible.

You finished the fight down, after taking her buck (which I’m not sure how that knocked you over again for everything I said above), which makes it really unlikely for him to win the fight. He’s on the ground, she’s standing, everything else aside, it seems like she wins; that’s how fights are won in nearly every part of nature. This is accounted for with -10 hp deduction, and is not scored in your realism area (aside from the fact her buck knocked you down), I just wanted to explain it more under here.

Aside from your attacks, your defenses were solid and your damage followed the dice rolls well. I would have liked more description of his injuries and how they affected him throughout the fight though. You mentioned some breed differences and surroundings periodically, but rarely used them to explain why an attack/dodge was done or how it was affected. For instance, rather than falling over when she rammed you, say because he was stronger her hit caused intense bruising, but his greater strength and height managed to keep him grounded, or something. Or if he did slip, was it because of the ice that ultimately felled him? It just really helps make the fight come alive. Nice use of your rank magic!


Emotion [+2]
Your emotion fluctuated in each post, being lowest in your first post and highest in your second. I really enjoyed it when you gave it to me, helping me feel the connection between Ashamin and Zandora, explaining his motives, his past experiences, his companion bond etc.


Prose [+2.5]
Lovely writing all throughout with great flow and word usage.


Readability [+2.5]
Very readable just some minor errors.

P1:
“As Ashamin's lopsided circle completed and he charged out of the trees at half of a serpentine right angle--heart pounding; snow flying; appearing as a sudden and (hopefully) surprising ghost on white cloven hooves; black eyes narrowed in focus as he charged for Zandora's left flank--he thought in split seconds of how different this spar would be from his disaster with Torleik.” (run on)
“...had faced the Bloodskald, then.” (don’t need that comma)

P2:
“...why he voice…” (her)
“His shoulder strung…” (stung)


Finally tally: 40+(8*2)-10(for ending fight not standing)= 46 HP


ZANDORA
Realism [-2.5]
You had overall some good sense of fighting mechanics, but what really hurt your score was power play and over dramatic damages! Power play can be just a very minor twist of words to make or break the deal. Just never, ever assume or say that anything for certain happened to a character that is not played by you, so use words like: might, hoped, aimed, attempted…

Your timing throughout the fight worked well, and there were a few instances where you did bring up some breed differences - though you didn’t really use them to explain how an attack/defense was made because of those differences, or how it helped, or failed because of those differences. Surroundings were hardly ever mentioned, much less used, so it made it hard to visualize the fight well and terrain really plays a role in explaining attacks and defenses, particularly when you’ve got something like snow.

I wanted to run through most of your attacks and defenses because that was where I struggled the most with the realism. In your first post you reared up to avoid Ashamin’s charge, but he was aiming for you flank, which is not explicitly moved just with a rear, so I don’t see how that helped her dodge it at all. You then say she lifted her head to avoid his bite, but in rearng the would have already lifted her head, and since Ashamin’s attacks were all fluid and closely timed together, her horn could not have struck him and yet her flank managed to avoid him all from this one rear at the same time.

In your second post Ashamin kicked at her chest, which you took, but then you said she broke ribs. Ribs would be impacted if she’d been hit on her side, particularly back by her flank, but she wasn’t. Additionally breaking bones, even fracturing them, is never really a good idea and is not super likely to happen. I know you rolled a 6 damage, but even a critical hit I wouldn’t suggest breaking bones - a 6 damage doesn’t need to mean death, nor does it need to come all from one attack (unless a crit hit), or even from Ashamin at all (can be injured from surroundings). So even with a 6 damage you can take a bunch of little hits, or a strong hit but not a crippling hit. You can see the dice guide which has some damage examples in the Battle boards. Further in your second post you mention her hooves are bloody but I’m not sure how that blood got there, you do not mention Ashamin’s horn attack - even if he missed/you dodged it needs to be specifically stated so it doesn’t seem ignored. You go on to charge into Ashamin on your left side, right where your inured ribs were - pain is there to keep us from injuring that same place, and something as painful as broken ribs would definitely make anyone think twice about using that same area to attack with.

In your third post you take Ashamin’s tail strike to your legs, which unbalances you. A tail could not be strong enough to unbalance you, even with the mild spark of his item. It could startle out, perhaps cause you in being startled to unbalance yourself, but in and of itself that attack could not have unbalanced you. Being lifted up by Ashamin was unrealistic on his part (addressed in his section), but it would require a ton of strength on his part, giving you enough time to slide off or move to the side and not get pinned. It’d be very difficult to hit an exact point of balance that she wouldn’t naturally slide off one way or another based on a horse’s body.

So I suggest you watch how horses naturally fight, read through some other spars and just consider the physical ability of the horses in order to judge the attacks you take and make. Be cautious with over damaging your horse and remember to include surroundings more often!


Emotion [+1]
I wanted to feel more of how Zandora felt for Ashamin, what this dark side of her was that you hinted out, and how especially as the spar progressed to such injuries, her warrior siden influenced her more. I felt told a lot of things she was feeling, but hardly ever given a chance to experience them with her. What are her thoughts, her motives?


Prose [+1.5]
Good flow and verbiage throughout the fight!


Readability [+2.5]
Overall understandable with locations and general wording, just some minor errors.

P1:
"Goodluck my dear Ashamin." (space between good and luck)
“disappeared off too.” (to)
“Zandora may be…” (tense switch)

P2:
“..it's rays were…” (its)
“...you a broken…” (are)
“...said to herself, whether…” (...herself. Whether…)

P3:
“Zandora renowned her body…” (renowned doesn’t work here)


Finally tally: 40+(2.5*2)= 45 HP