but somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams

He wished he could rewind the tape, and do things differently. In a way, he wished he had never come here at all, and stayed in the Edge in his odd space of, well.. spaced-out-ness. There, in his loneliness, he was safe. The herd was stretched so thin he could spend his spells alone in the fog, to not subject himself to the sharp gazes and biting words of others.

Because in all honesty, they hurt—it was like falling on already-scabbed knees, too weak and tired to catch yourself. So you fell down and tore the skin open all again, stumbled to get up, and kept going like that.

Caleb was the first, his arrogant voice slipping with smug superiority through the cold winter air. Ashamin was the second, putting his neck over Johnny's and tugging him closer—protecting him from Mauja, who didn't know where to look, or at whom. The colt from the Throat was blessedly quiet about it, but on the whole, the ease which with Johnny took it couldn't quite take the edge out of it.

His blue eyes grew a little softer, a little sadder, and as he met Johnny's playful gaze his dark lips curved into the briefest of sad smiles before settling back into vaguely hurt neutrality. Sabriel's question was loaded with the same kind of stinging bite—whispering freak, get away, go away, and all he could think of was Ashamin's neck draped over Johnny's, pulling him away.

Fuck. Life.

And he wasn't even fit to answer the questions leveled at himself anymore, reduced to nothing, a blabbering, mindless idiot of some sort as the colt deduced he had to be from the Edge. A small sigh escaped Mauja's nostrils as his eyes closed and head dipped down a fraction. Today was turning out to be the worst day he'd had in a while.

"The Edge, aye," he said, quietly, when there finally was some time for him to speak. "The Edge is a small herd yet. It.." But the words just felt dead in his mouth, wasted and pointless; bitterness welled up inside, together with the hurt.

I have to get out of here.

"Do not judge the rest of them by me. If—if you like the idea of living on the high cliffs above the sea, you're welcome to come there, and meet the rest of them." His ears and eyes flicked, uncertainly, lingering a moment longer on Johnny—the only one to have shown him some kind of understanding and kindness in this meeting. Still, he supposed he held together well enough, seeming simply a bit subdued and not as outright shattered as he felt.

"I will be going now. Pleasure to have met all of you." And then he simply turned and began to head back west, struggling to keep the serene tears from falling down his face—and failing.

Two owls drifted down from the sky to settle on his back as he moved away, their talons breaking his skin with their squeezes of comfort.

[ He's been odd the entire thread so tbh I'm not surprised he pulled out like this. Tagging @Caleb for being next. :) ]

man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same