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01-15-2016, 03:54 AM
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miykael
What have they done to each other? And how could they have possibly gotten to this dreadful point from where they began? Alysanne had been beaten and broken the night he'd met her and though he'd helped to pick up the pieces and mend what he could - over time, he'd only broken her right back down. Guilt churns in his gut as he watches her and his own pain is completely forgotten, pushed to the wayside like a pile of garbage. He wants to reach for her, to hug her and wipe away her tears but the air between them has changed so drastically that he holds back. They aren't the same now and he cannot help but to blame himself for that change. Yes, Iona was the one that came to him about blocking out Aly's memories but it was he who agreed and it was he who stuck around. He had followed her around like a lost puppy, so desperate for her love that he couldn't see the truth. He should have left her alone. She's quiet when she finally speaks but it doesn't escape his notice that her emerald eyes never once look upon him. Is she ashamed? Does she blame herself? Wait, that's a silly question. Of course, she blames herself. He and Alysanne are so terribly alike in that manner - both would always try and shoulder all the blame regardless of the situation. It was one of the reasons why they never would have worked out anyway. Only Miykael had been unable to see it. He shakes his head as she speaks, even though she isn't likely to see it what with her gaze locked onto some random spot - anywhere that wasn't his face. "And I don't blame you, Aly. You weren't terrible to me, you were honest. You told me you didn't love me that way but I didn't listen. I didn't want to hear it, I just... I just wanted you to love me the way I thought I loved you. And I do love you, even now, just..." his voice trails off and he exhales softly in a sigh before continuing. "...not in that way." In short, he'd been wrong. And he knew that if he hadn't pushed her so hard, they wouldn't be in this mess right now. He'd manipulated her, pulled on her innate kindness on such a deep level that she'd been left with little choice but to try and pretend for a little while. As if pretending would lead to the perfect, happily ever after ending he so craved. "But that isn't even where it all starts." he finally continues, temporarily resisting the urge to pace as he lets it all out. "Aly, I should have refused Iona when she asked me to block those memories. It wasn't my place to intervene and you deserved to have a say. It's your mind, your memories, your life. But I need you to understand that our hearts were in the right place - we didn't mean to harm you, we only wanted to help you." Or, at the very least, he should have done it then disappeared like he suspected Iona had intended for him to. Aly's personality and presence pulled him in, her joy had been like a beacon - the light in the lighthouse in the middle of a storm. Little did he know that he was that storm. He had smothered her light, leaving it dull and angry amidst the darkness. The moment she begins to speak of Naerys, however, he quickly closes the gap between them and moves to her with the intent of wrapping her up in a hug. "Oh, Aly. No." he begins, his deep voice soft and barely above a whisper. "You have not ruined her. Do you remember what you were like when you were her age? Naerys is exploring; she's trying to learn about her world, figure out who she is and her place within it. She's made some brash decisions, thrown herself into dangerous situations that she never should have taken part in but she's young, Aly, she's not thinking of the consequences because she's simply not capable of doing so. I doubt that the concept of death has ever crossed her mind... and that's perfectly normal. The world is still innocent to her and as hard as it is to stand by and watch her put herself in danger, there are things that she must learn on her own." At this point, he finally pulls back again (despite his own reluctance to do so). He attempts to lock his blue eyes onto her green ones before he finally speaks again. "She adores you, Aly, she just doesn't fully understand that yet. Give her time. Life, after all, is the greatest teacher." he offers her a gentle smile then, hoping that his speech would help Aly to let go of some of her guilt. He knew that, to some extent, he'd lifted some of that guilt off her shoulders and promptly placed it upon his own. He never should have left. He knew (perhaps always knew) that he'd be plagued by all the what-ifs. If he'd stayed, would it have been any better? Perhaps he and Aly actually needed the space, perhaps they reaped some benefit from not being in each other's pockets. But if he'd stayed, maybe things with Naerys would be different (worse or better he simply couldn't decide). What if he hadn't blocked Aly's memories in the first place? Would she have declined the way that Iona feared she would or would she have grown stronger over time? There were so many decisions he'd made that, in looking back on them now, he couldn't see which path was the right path. Every path seemed wrong, every choice leading to an outcome he didn't like. Perhaps he never should have fallen in the first place - maybe then everything would be okay. "We've both made mistakes, Aly, but you aren't a fool nor are you worse. You're trying your best and for your sake and Naerys', you need to remember that and try to forgive yourself." he concludes, hoping his words somehow make it through and help her to mend herself. Miykael never expected her to be perfect or flawless - it was her flaws that he found endearing in the first place. So with all of that off his chest, he gazes upon her with a soft, encouraging smile upon his face. everything you touch surely dies |
@Alysanne
![[Image: mikey_by_moonstone_designs-d9dgnba.png]](http://orig02.deviantart.net/51ca/f/2015/290/e/5/mikey_by_moonstone_designs-d9dgnba.png)
icon base: Bronzehalo :: from Nickel <3
permission for all except death and dismemberment.
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