“Her name was Ranjiri...”

No.

He didn't want to hear it. He wanted to shut his eyes, hold the ears and scream to block out the sound of her voice. Dread was spreading through his veins like cold ice, numbing his every cell and freezing him in place.

It wasn't true, it couldn't be true, she had been alive and well, her eyes had been gleaming and strong and determined only a short while ago. Only days had passed, how could she be... was she even... But those were her feathers, he couldn't deny the truth any longer.

No, no no no don't say it, don't say it! No, he hadn't done it, it wasn't his fault, just shut up and go away, no don't say it, no no

"...and that is her blood..."

"NO!"

And his scream was the sound of a wounded animal. He stared wildly at Megaera, at the feathers, at the dried blood that plastered the fine down together. Anger faded into confusion, into disbelief as he pushed forward, threatening to actually shove into her broad chest. Careless hooves trampled dangerously close to the beautiful, horrible evidence, his stomach was sinking below the surface of the earth it seemed and in his desperation he could only deny everything the Sunspear said.

"Shut up! Don't say... No!"

But the words just kept coming, merciless and ringing with nothing but truth.

"An artisan who stayed and fought when a warrior ran home."

"Yes, but... but I..."

Strangely, he couldn't quite remember why he had left anymore. Something about stupid pride, a silly necklace breaking... It all faded as memories rose of her, the only one who'd actually told him the truth. She had been stubborn, annoying, a nosy know-it-all... but he had liked that part about her.

You're frustrating! If you won't ask I'll do it myself... Do you want to die?... I want to help you...

Numbly he fell back, air constricting in his lungs so he couldn't breathe. Something much kinder that fire burned in his eyes now and Cathun closed them, turned his face away to hide his grief.

Why had he... Like it mattered. Why had he... What difference did it make? Why.. To save his own sorry skin, that's why. To save himself he had sacrificed her, the kind stranger who selfishly offered to help save his life, who had said she'd place herself in debt for his sake.

And he raged against the injustice of it and died with each breath, drowning in shame that hadn't made sense until now.

"You need to tell me why, Cathun."

His head fell, hanging low from the shoulders for the first time since he arrived. He didn't look at her as he answered, but nor did he wrap the words in silk or tell only half the truth.

"I'm dying" he said, contemptuously as though he wished he was already dead. Gone, erased from existence - anything so that she would still be alive.

"My mother defied a god by loving my father, and they punished her by cursing me. This charm is the only thing keeping me alive, but it's failing already and the magic in this place is weakening the spell even further. Getting close to so much raw power would have destroyed it for good... I don't want to fight for any god either. Doesn't matter who, they're all the same in the end."

Only now did the old hatred rise in his voice again, but muted, muffled by grief. Cathun raised his head then, quite abruptly, his cheeks lined with tears.

"I told her to leave!" he said, pleading. "I said the place was dangerous, she should have come with me! Why did.. why... Why didn't she come w-with me!?"

He cried, but no longer cared. It felt as though a void had opened up inside him, black and cold and endlessly dull. All around him spring was in full throw but he saw none of it - only the face of a girl he had left behind.

Cathun

The firebrand