“I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” Yes, those were probably the most hypocritical seven words that Mesec had ever spoken but he still meant them, smiling warmly at Megaera. “The fact that you’re trying means everything. And I promise I’m not the only one that thinks that way.” She was still new at being a Sultana and if she had been solely a warrior prior to the station it was certainly a change in the mentality required to solve problems. Well, the herd could try to solve their problems in the warrior fashion but it might not be the most productive method.

In the pause that followed he did not know what to expect - but his smile faltered when she spoke again. He had almost avoided the subject - embarrassed over his own cowardice in not bringing it up but Megaera did not seem interested in letting the topic slip by. Mesec's silver eyes grew sad and drifted down to his hooves as she brought it up, a rush of self-loathing taking over as he thought about the stories he had already heard about what happened. It bothered him that none of the information was his own - he was relying on the memories of others to tell him what he had done. “I honestly don’t know.” A quiet sigh before looking up to meet her gaze once more. “That’s the first time that happened, I didn’t even know I could - ” His voice broke and he faltered in his response. He still did not understand what happened. He had known that Ampere and Najya had been close by because of their accounts but didn't know Megaera had been there as well. Who else had seen? “Did I hurt you? The last thing I remembered was Ranjiri yelling and then I just thought I passed out… waking up some time later when the battle was over. Najya told me I turned into a wolf, or at least something like a wolf. She said I wouldn’t let anyone near me and then turned on the other wolves.” A shudder ran down his body, dark wings resting at his side trembling as he remembered how he had opened his eyes to worried faces - how moments later his sister had died. And still he could not say for sure that Aviya’s death wasn't his fault though he carried the burden of the guilt as though it had been.

Aviya was dead and his father was gone and Mesec was left with nothing but a blank spot in his memory and the look on Megaera’s face - the same look that both Najya and Ampere had worn - when they talked about what he did. “I wasn’t aware of anything that was happening, wasn’t in control.” And then his voice softened, unable to stem the confessions he was offering to her. It was all laid bare now, he gave up all he knew. “It frightens me, not knowing how it happened. It might have been a one-time thing, perhaps my mother triggered it. She’s… well, she can do things like that.” Few in the Throat needed to be reminded of what his mother was capable of.

“I promise you, Megaera - if it wasn't just a one-time fluke, if it happens again, I’ll leave the Throat. I won't take the risk that I will harm anyone here.” He spoke with such sincere earnestness, begging her to believe him. He wanted so much to be a part of this herd but he’d leave in a heartbeat if there was a risk he would harm any of them. If this was some dark magic waiting to hatch within him again, it took Mesec far beyond the normal risks that simply came from existing.